The Robert Jordan Purity Test -- Version 2.0

Test by Mike "Sir MPS" Macchione with help from Pam Korda, 26 Mar 96.
HTML conversion by Bill Garrett, 23 Apr 96.

Text version of this document also available.
Version 1.0 is available, in both HTML and plain text.

Instructions: Each question you answer "yes" subtracts 1 percentage point from your purity score. If you don't know what Mad Passionate Sex (MPS) is, score yourself 100% and quit now.

Have you ever...

sung or danced around the Spring Pole on the Green?
kissed a Two Rivers boy or girl?
had MPS with a Two Rivers boy or girl?
...without mom's permission?
seen the Tinker's girls dance or danced like a Tinker Girl?
seen the Sa'sara or danced the Sa'sara for someone?
bathed in the Shienarian baths in mixed company?
been in an Aiel steam tent in Mixed company?
had sex with a forsaken?
...and enjoyed it?
...in a dream?
had MPS in T'a'r?
...and gotten pregnant?
spied on someone's dreams to see who they were interested in?
...and then watched the resulting show?
...and then joined it?
proclaimed yourself a False Dragon?
entered an inn without understanding the name?
...but learned inside?
...and wished you hadn't?
eased the badger?
seen or performed a nine-horse hitch?
been bitten by a forsaken?
been accused of being a darkfriend?
actually been a darkfriend?
been accused of being Black Ajah?
...when you weren't?
had MPS with someone who was a darkfriend?
had MPS with someone on the sole grounds that you suspected they were a darkfriend? (ie are you a darkfriend groupie?)
lied about being a darkfriend? (perhaps to gain the pleasures of a darkfriend groupie)
used a ter'angreal for sexual purposes?
had MPS with a Gray Man?
...and not realized until he/she was finished?
had MPS with a forsaken?
...who had recently changed sex?
fantasized about Bela?
...and lived out these fantasies?
cheated on an Acceptance test?
been sent to the kitchen to scrub pots?
tried anything with some figs and mice?
tried anything with salt and cooking oil?
ran away from trouble and joined the circus?
sniffed at someone or been sniffed at?
snorted at someone or been snorted at?
been an Aes Sedai or been bonded to an Aes Sedai?
been Green Ajah or been bonded to a Green Ajah?
been Green Ajah or experienced bondage to a Green Ajah?
bonded anyone involuntarily, or been bonded involuntarily?
...for the express purpose of MPS?
played Maiden's Kiss?
...and won? (or is that lost?)
...and not gotten back to you own bed until dawn?
had MPS with someone as a result of Ji'e'toh?
brought toh upon yourself as a result of MPS?
brought ji upon yourself as a result of MPS?
managed to make someone gai'shain in order to have MPS with them?
debated over the differences between Mayeners and Domani?
been told to lie down and not think of something or someone?
thought about Lanfear while lying down?
been told that your family tree is more convoluted than the Andor royal families'?
been told that your family tree is more convoluted than the House of RASFWRJ?
used an a'dam for other than its intended purpose?
participated in a Great Hoax?
asked the Creator a dirty question?
used compulsion on someone to get them to have MPS with you?
...when you didn't need to?
...on more than one person at a time?
been compulsed into having MPS with anyone?
used the OP as a form of contraception?
used balefire as a form of contraception?
been put to the Question by a Hand of the Light?
...and enjoyed it?
...enough to ask them to do it again?
been mistaken for a Domani?
been mistaken for a Mayener?
Traveled (skimmed, opened a doorway etc) to get half the world away from someone?
...while nude?
...and still wound up having MPS with them?
attended a darkfriend social?
...and have no one recognize you?
RTFM?
sheathed your "sword which is no sword" or had one sheathed in you?
seen visions around people?
...when you hadn't been smoking Two Rivers tabac?
debated about the sexual practices of the Red Ajah?
debated about the sexual practices of the Green Ajah?
debated about the sexual practices of the Ogier?
debated about the sexual practices of Trollocs?
.....and (after discussing any of the above) wanted to try them out?
...and actually did?
seen a N'Shar in Mameris?
seen a feather dancer?
been to a Tovan Conclave?
understood any of Birgitte's references?
danced with the Jak o' the Shadows?
been a ta'veren?
written any stories containing multiple scenes of MPS?
had MPS with anyone who has written stories containing scenes of MPS
met Sir MPS?
ARE you Sir MPS?

To determine your purity score, count up your number of yeses and subtract from 100. Anyone scoring under 75 should seek help immediately: send email and a nude photo to Sir MPS <ghesmiz@chopin.udel.edu>.

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Bill Garrett
garrett@cs.unc.edu