[conspire] Two problems

[Rick Moen]

Posted to https://regex.info/blog/2006-09-15/247 by "Satanic Jesus".
(If people don't know the "two problems" jest made famous by Jamie
Zawinski = jwz, see that link.)


Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, “I know, I’ll use
regular expressions.” Now they have two problems.

Some people, when faced with a problem, think, “I know, I’ll use
binary.” Now they have 10 problems.

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, “I know, I’ll use
threads,” and then two they hav erpoblesms.

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think “I know, I’ll use
multithreading”. Nothhw tpe yawrve o oblems.

Some people see a problem and think “I know, I’ll use Java!” Now they
have a ProblemFactory.

Some programmers, when confronted with a problem, think “I know, I’ll
use floating point arithmetic.” Now they have 1.999999999997 problems.

Some people, wanting an escape from their full-time job, think “I know,
I’ll contribute to open source.” Now they have two full-time jobs.

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think “I know, I’ll solve
it.” But the Void is inescapable and our short lives are meaningless.

Some people when confronted with a problem think “I know, I’ll quote
jwz”. Now everyone has a problem.

Some people when confronted with a desire to use pithy quotes in their
presentations think “I know, I’ll use something from Star Wars”. Now two
problems they have.

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, “I know, I’ll use
anagrams.” Now they have bloom twerps.

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, “I know, I’ll watch
Countdown.” Now they have two conundrums.

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, “I know, I’ll use
Shareware.” Now they have two trials.

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think: “I know, I’ll use
caching.” Now they have one problems.

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, “I know, I’ll use
node!”

Now
they
have
three
more
problems.

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, “I know, I’ll ignore
it.” Now someone else has one more problem.

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think “I know, I’ll use
capabilities.” Now they can solve their problem but cannot convince
anyone else they’ve solved it.

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, “I know, I’ll use
delegations.” Now their problem is a problem of their problem.

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think “I know, I’ll use
recursion!” Now now they now they have now they have two now they have
two problems.

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, “I know, I’ll use
eval”. Now they have all the problems.

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, “I know, I’ll use
metaprogramming”. Now the problem has a problem.

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, “I know, I’ll use
AI”. Now the problem says they are they problem.

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, “I know, I’ll use
linked lists”. Now they have a problem. Now they have a problem. Now
they have a problem.

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, “I know, I’ll use
heuristics”. Now they have approximately 2 problems.

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, “I know, I’ll use
calculus”. Now they have infinity problems.

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, “I know, I’ll use
physics”. Now they one real problem and a spherical one on vacuum.

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, “I know, I’ll use
JavaScript.” Now they have undefined problems.

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, “I know, I’ll use
quantum computing”. Now it is highly likely that they have two problems.

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, “I know, I’ll linear
algebra”. Now they have two problems and two equations.

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, “I know, I’ll use
recursion”. Now they have a problem about themselves having a problem.

Some people, when confronted with a data storage problem, think “I know,
I’ll use RAID.” Now they have an array of problems.

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, “I know, I’ll hire a
consultant.” Now they have an unknown number of problems and a lot less
money.

Some people, when confronted with a problem, say, “I know, I’ll use a
state machine!” Now they have a finite set of problems.

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, “I know, I’ll use
enums!” Now they have 32 – 1 problems.

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, “I know, I’ll use
containers!” Now they have a contained problem.

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, “I know, I’ll use
cron-jobs.” Now they have a problem each morning a 5am.

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, “I know, I’ll use
complex numbers”. Now they have 2i problems.

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, “I know, I’ll use
C”. Now they have segmentation fault (core dumped).