Home | Mail | Resume | Karsten M. Self
Yours truly

I use a really cool program called Signify to set the signature line of my email. It reads from a selection of quotes I've (mostly) compiled by shamelessly plagiarizing them from various spots on the Web.

A collection of quotes


Keep software free. Oppose the CBDTPA. Kill S.2048 dead.

Moderator, Free Software Law Discussion mailing list:

Free Software Primer -- concepts you need to understand

Reading is a right, not a feature
- Kathryn Myronuk http://www.freesklyarov.org

We freed Dmitry! Boycott Adobe! Repeal the DMCA!

Support the EFF, they support you: http://www.eff.org/

They caused it themselves.
- Dick Cheney, greedy oil man lying bastard, blaming California for the
Enron-engineered, White House-blessed power crunch, reported by AP.

The Consumer Broadband and Digital Television Promotion Act:
Feinstein's answer to Enron envy.

Hollings: bought, paid for, but couldn't deliver the CBDTPA:

Spread the real scoop on Xenu and The Church of Scientology, link
Scientology on your website.

Burn all gifs! Use PNG and tell Unisys to go to hell:

The Amazon "one-click" patent boycott -- yes, it continues:

Comic tragedy: MobiliX sued by Asterix publisher over 'iX' trademark

Verio webhosting? Guaranteed downtime:

At the sound of the toner, boycott Lexmark: trade restraint via DMCA.

A few years ago you could buy a CD, knowing that it was a standard
product... Now, you...find that you can play it in your hi-fi, but
not in your car. Next time, you're not going to make that mistake,
you'll just log on to Kazaa and download an MP3.

By failing to protect the public interest in free access to the
products of the inventive and artistic genius -- indeed, by
virtually ignoring the central purpose of the Copyright/Patent
Clause [in the Constitution] -- the Court has quitclaimed to

The truth behind the H-1B IT indentured servant scam:

Reform three-strikes: stop jailing nonviolent offenders.

Windows Refund Day II: fight for your right to refund

First they came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up, because I
wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak
up, because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the Catholics, and I
didn't speak up, because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me,

SCO is the thief who puts a gun to his own head and says give me
your money or I'll shoot.
- Bruce Perens http://slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=56225&&cid=5456337

We are the unwilling... led by the unqualified... to do the
unnecessary... for the ungrateful...
- GI in Vietnam, 1970

I managed to love simultaneously -- and this is not easy -- women
and justice.
- Albert Camus, _The Fall_

Americans [...] need to watch what they say.
- Ari Fleischer, White House Press Secretary

Quite frankly, I found it mostly interesting in a Jerry Springer
kind of way. White trash battling it out in public, throwing chairs
at each other. SCO crying about IBM's other women.
- Linus Torvalds, on SCO's lawsuit agains IBM over Linux

Ceterum censeo, Caldera delenda est.
SCO vs IBM Linux lawsuit info: http://sco.iwethey.org

Reject EU Software Patents! http://swpat.ffii.org/

Erin Joyce: can't get the story right, won't correct it

America Trans Air (ATA) customer service sucks:

George W. is deceptive to be sure. Dissembling, too. And let's not
forget deceitful. He is lacking veracity and frankness, and void of
sooth, though seemingly sincere in his proclivity for pretense. But
he did not lie.

Bush: All we have to sell is fear itself.

How about outsourcing the Presidency?

Vote with your head:

I'll stop calling this Administration "Orwellian" when they stop
using 1984 as an operations manual
- J. Bradforth DeLong, on Bush http://www.j-bradford-delong.net/

Of the top 24 industrialized nations, only Turkey has the government
covering a smaller percentage of medical costs than the USA.
- Laurie Garret, _Betrayal of Trust_

Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little
temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety.
- Benjamin Franklin, 1755

They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
safety most likely voted for Bush.
- Slashdot sig.

Ahh the price of entropy! Too bad markets don't yet exist for this
all-important commodity.
- Brad DeLong's Semi-Daily Journal - discussion of datamining and privacy.

Information is not power after all: Old-fashioned power is power. If you
aren't big industry or government, you have very little power. Once they've
hacked the electronic voting system, you'll have no power at all.
- Robert X. Cringely

The Journal's editorial page made the mistake of relying on the
accuracy and completeness of The Journal's reporting.
- Warren E. Buffett, letter to The Wall Street Journal

It is kinda awkward to have this "vote stuffing" feature.
- Diebold Electronic Voting Machine memos.

There's been too much gaming of the system until it is broke. Capitalism
is not working! There has been a corrupting of the system of capitalism.
- Alan Greenspan, Federal Reserve Chairman, 2002

MX Radio - With Bob Edwards, who needs NPR? http://www.xmradio.com/


The quick red fox jumps over the blue 'E'

Any time a business operation fails to meet its objective, it is the
management team's failure -- not the subordinates working for them.
- Karen Shaeffer, explaining No Excuses Management[TM]

18.8% of all browsers that claim to be MSIE, aren't.
- http://www.virtuelvis.com/archives/35.html

Google is a blind user. A billionaire blind user with tens of millions of
friends, all of whom hang on his every word.
- Karsten M. Self

Arachnophobia: actively obstructing search-engine spiders:

W3C standards are important -- say it proudly

Napa Small Animal Hospital: good folks, healthy pets.

GNOME (and real UI developers) READ THIS:

KQED FM: The DUMB spot on the dial:

NPR: Radio for between the ears: http://www.npr.org/

There is no K5 Cabal: http://www.kuro5hin.org/

GNU/Linux web browsing mini review: Galeon v1.2.5. Kicks ass.

LNX-BBC: Bootable GNU/Linux -- Don't leave /home without it.

Ubersoft: Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt.

Is GNU/Linux the future? Hell, it's the present:

Integrity, we've heard of it: http://www.theregister.co.uk/

GNU/Linux & BSD: We *are* the way out.

Kudos to Gateway's Digital Music Campaing & stand against the RIAA.

VAR with attitude -- Automation Access http://www.aaxnet.com/

user-agent considered harmful. Encourage W3M standards:

Scandinavian Designs: Cool furniture, affordable prices, great service,
satisfied customer. http://www.scandinaviandesigns.com/

TWikIWeThey: An experiment in collective intelligence. Stupidity. Whatever.
Technical docs, discussion, reviews, opinion.

Enlightenment is...frankly, as user-friendly as a cornered rattlesnake
on speed.
- Peter Whysall

Backgrounder on the Caldera/SCO vs. IBM and Linux dispute.

A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
A: Top-posting.
Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet and in e-mail?

The revolution will not be televised.
You can apt-get it from the usual mirrors, however. http://www.debian.org/

I guess "the El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles del Rio
de Porciuncula diet" just doesn't have the same ring....

And what do I get? A one-way ticket to Palookaville"
- M. Brando

I was never no good after that night, Charlie.
- M. Brando

Kid, this ain't your night; we're going for the price on Wilson.
- M. Brando

Gentoo is one step on the long road from Debian to Debian.

Rules of Spam: #0: Spam is theft.

Rules of Spam: #1: Spammers lie.

Rules of Spam:
#2: If a spammer seems to be telling the truth, see rule #1.

Rules of Spam: #3: Spammers are stupid.

Rules of Spam:
#4: The natural course of a spamming business is to go bankrupt.

Rules of Spam: Rule-keeper Shaffer's Refrain: Spammers routinely
prove the Rules of Spam are valid.

Itanic is practically dead in the water, but this time the icebergs
have powerful engines, AMD logos, and good aim.
- Andrew Grygus


Deep inside the secret headquarters of the RedHat / GNOME / Ximian
/ Mozilla Cabal, there's a hidden document with a list of everything
in Unix you know and love, marked with a date for its final
expurgation. I think 'ls' is slated to be finally replaced with a
symlink to 'nautilus' in 2007.
- Dan Egnor.

Of course Ms DiDio, a friend and former co-worker of Darl McBride's, is
deeply involved in SCO's Microsoft financed attack against Linux, so any
paper on Linux she endorses should be disregarded out of hand.
- Andrew Grygus

gconf-editor: reimplementation of the MS Windows Registry for
GNU/Linux, with the concommitant problems of undocumented settings,
cryptic keys, inability to comment settings, and use of a single,
specialized application to access the configuration settings.
- Karsten M. Self

SBC PacBell: The phone is once again your fiend.

Iomega: click of death, Jaz Junk, and now, NAS? Not!

ARM Computer: Customer Service Hell On Earth

Office Despot: Office Depot embraces Microsoft XP logo requirement.

Microsoft Outlook: the security hole that happens to be an email client
- Steven J. Vaughan-Nichols, in "How to avoid ILOVEYOU", May, 2000

Microsoft Trustworthy Computing:

Windows XP is a wonderfully reliable and stable application.
And then you connect it to the internet.
- Thane "inthane" Walkup

Technical plugs

Use a personal CSS stylesheet to promote Web usability:

TWiki: documentation for the GNU millennium.

If spam is the question, Spamassassin is the answer.

Sick of mal-formed websites? A stylesheet to override poor design:

Software "piracy" loss numbers are a crock:

A guide to GNU/Linux partitioning:

A guide to GNU/Linux backups:

A guide to GNU/Linux browsers:

A guide to GNU/Linux books:

How to unwedge / disable your X display manager login:

The golden rule of technical design: complexity is the enemy.

Remember Ed Curry! http://www.iwethey.org/ed_curry/

In 2002, everyone discovered that everyone else is using Linux.

Linux: Good, fast, _and_ cheap.

The black hat community is drooling over the possibility of a secure
execution environment that would allow applications to run in a
secure area which cannot be attached to via debuggers.
- Jason Spence, on Palladium aka NGCSB aka "Trusted Computing"

Ever wonder why they call them call centers and not help centers?
- David Zeit

The "intranet" is dead. The inside of your institutional firewall is
just like the outside of your institutional firewall: it is all ablaze.
- Joe St Sauver

Yeah, in the future NASA should just submit an Ask Slashdot whenever
something goes wrong..
- seen on, um, some website.

The major problem facing [Orkut, Friendster, and ilk] is that they scarf
up personal information far more efficiently than [the FBI's] Carnivore.
- Andrew Orlowski http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/6/35129.html

People really aren't going to trust [Orkut, Friendster, and ilk] if
they view these start-ups as honeypots for future marketroids to
reap everything we didn't want them to know.
- Andrew Orlowski http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/6/35129.html

[Orkut, Friendster, and ilk] allow a passing hacker to scarf up [a]
potential archive of great exploitable value.
- Andrew Orlowski http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/6/35129.html

Richter is a sort of Internet arsonist; he destroys the usefulness
of email, and gets paid for it.
- Morley Dotes, on NANAE

Responses to spam knock off little bits of functionality or reliability
around the edges, and email slowly gets harder to use and less
consistent and predictable.
- Bill Cole, on NANAE

We're not going to fix this by getting the pilots to be more careful.
- Aviation industry approach to systemic improvement.


Warning: plot details follow.

Software isn't released, it escapes.

Klingon function calls do not have 'parameters' -- they have
'arguments' -- and they always win them.
-Things Likely to be Overheard If You Hire a Klingon Programmer

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture - it's a really
stupid thing to want to do.
-- Elvis Costello

I try to say what I think I mean.
- Marilyn Hacker, in the poem Living in the Moment

Sufficiently advanced cluelessness is indistinguishable from malice.
- Mike Albaugh

Doesn't he know who I think I am?
- Phil Collins

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the
intelligent are full of doubt.
-- Bertrand Russell

Theres' some sort of cosmic synchronicity about telephones and plumbing.

> An OS should be like a screwdriver
One part vodka, three parts orange juice?
- Seen on Slashdot.

Treat me like a marketing stat, and I'll treat your movie like a
series of ones and zeros
- Slashdot sig.

Ford's CEO has never dressed up as a giant battery to show that he loves
electric cars despite having said bad things about them in the past.
- Robin "Roblimo" Miller, explaining IT as human drama.

This...system is so easy that executives can use it without reading manuals,
which is our test of ease of use.
- Steve Jobs, NeXT demo video

What's next - Google hires a plumber - the end of IT as we know it?
- http://tinyurl.com/6eynp (Slashdot -- just read the thread)


My password's set to my dog's name.
My dog's name is currently 4$ter*Zf1, but I change it every 90 days.
- Slashdot AC post

These people made a fortune scamming people out of their not-so-hard-earned
cash. You'd think they could afford chairs.
- Connie Willis, "Inside Job"

In the event of losing Pascal's Wager, I intend to saunter into Judgement
Day with a list of grievances, a flaming sword of my own devising, and a
serious attitude problem.
- Rick Moen

After all, if you can't trust a Romanian tabloid, then who can you trust?
- The Register

> Cryptography will die when the last human draws its breath.
Er.... shouldn't that be third-to-last human?
- Seen on Slashdot.

It struck me as software for people who aren't dumb, and I am
- npx on #debian, about Xen

In the management's temperate, considered, intellectual opinion, Microsoft
sucks and we hate them.

A Spanish-language version of Windows XP, ... asked users to select
their gender between 'not specified,' 'male' or 'bitch'.
- http://tinyurl.com/67wud

It's like shooting fish in a barrel of monkeys.

I say we take off and nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
- Aliens

The Debian developers raised the obvious, predictable objection to
the inclusion of this utility
- LWN, on Debian's "Hot Babe" problem: http://lwn.net/Articles/113644/

What would you do with a brain if you had one?
-Dorothy to the Scarecrow

R: I don't believe in it.
G: What?
R: England.
G: Just a conspiracy of cartographers?

"Miss West, are you trying to show contempt for this court?"
"On the contrary, your Honor, I was doin' my best to conceal it."
- Mae West, and a contemptible judge.

A celibate clergy is an especially good idea, because it tends to
suppress any hereditary propensity toward fanaticism.
-Carl Sagan

There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX.
We don't believe this to be a coincidence.
-Jeremy S. Anderson

Ill-informed qmail-bashing is better than no qmail-bashing at all.
- Don Marti

You are in a maze of testy little Java VMs, all subtly different.

I don't think there's a law against calling Americans and irritating them.
- asuffield, in #debian

Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals
built the Titanic.
- Dave Barry

DO NOT DELETE THIS LINE -- make depend depends on it.

Did you hear the one about the mysteriously dented SUV? It's a real
ding Hummer.

If the Republicans will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we
will stop telling the truth about them.
- Adlai Stevenson

A funny thing happened to me on the way to the White House.
- Adlai Stevenson, concession speech

Why the f--- does every crisis our country has have to have a catchy title,
graphic, and its own theme song?
- bash.org

If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy her friends?
- bash.org

I pride myself on my lack of vanity.
- Lee Rudolph

Too bad ignorance isn't painful"
But it *is* painful: it's just not painful to the ignorant.
- Michael Palmer

Q: How does one properly cook a hyena?
A: Oh, that's easy. You just make a laughing stock.
- Brian Kane & Brendan McKeon

Verbosity says it all.

I'm co-independent: I need someone around to ignore.
- John Dorrance

The universities in the ex-USSR had departments devoted to Marxist-Leninist
ideology; universities in the US have business schools.
- David Barts

Q. Did you hear the one about the statistician?
A. Probably....

Off to break the nvidia driver by changing the kernel interfaces
again, this is becoming a fun hobby...
- Greg Kroah-Hartman, Linux kernel hacker, on linux-elitists

I'd like to point out that Ubuntu GNU/Linux downloads tasteful
semi-nude photos to my hard disk every month, automatically.
- Evan Prodromou on linux-elitists

Two is the beginning of the end.
- J. M. Barrie, Peter Pan

It's a darwinian communication process that makes up in efficiency
and sincerity what it lacks in polish.
- Rick Moen. Who else?

- #debian-bleh

Momma always said, bleh is as bleh does.
- #debian-bleh

The laundry room at my college has ethernet.

Microsoft KB: Cookies Lost After Upgrading to Windows XP.
[Ed: WONTFIX: Feature]
- http://support.microsoft.com/?kbid=282850

Telemarketer: Hello, I'm from the phone company and I'm calling to
see if you want to switch your service
Callee: I don't have a phone here.
TM: Oh, I'm sorry. [hangs up]

God is real. Unless declared integer.

image = /usr/bin/emacs
label = hurd
- lilo.conf

You know, maybe FSF should just rebrand emacs as the hurd and stick
a fork() in it...
- Karsten M. Self, on linux-elitists

You found Future Tech. 14 in ancient scrolls of wisdom.
- FreeCiv

> That's nice, but totally beside the point.
If you put it on top, it will just fall off.
- Nick Moffitt strikes again.

It's possible that you are a simple Amish Linux-Elitist who sews his
own clothing, builds his own house, farms his own land, and makes
his own computers out of organic hemp.
- Modus Operandi, on linux-elitists.

You...display numerous pro-Microsoft bumper stickers ("Honk if you
hate anti-trust laws") on your car.
- http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/1999-11/msg00008.html

Passive agressive anal retentiveness leads to high quality software
- David Nusinow

* simonrvn is reading the top 100 on bash.org
< gravity> Heh... I did that the other day

Q: What color inkjet is the least offensive.
A: Green.

ceci n'est pas une pipe

Q: What's yellow and dangerous?
A: Shark-infested custard.

Data corrupts. Absolute data corrupts absolutely.
- Ed Self's corollary of Atkinson's Law.

Unless you are very rich and very eccentric, you will not enjoy the
luxury of having a computer in your own home.
- Ed Yourdon, _Techniques of Program Structure and Design_, 1975

What doesn't kill you makes you stranger.
- Karsten M. Self, misreading as usual, San Marcos Pass Rd., 1988

I forgot my mantra.

Have you filled out form twenty-seven b-stroke six?

The opposite of increment is excrement.
- Seen on Usenet, so it must be true.

I turned down an opportunity to develop forecasting software for the Chicago
Board of Trade cattle futures market. Its name was too predictable.
Note: *nobody* gets this one.

Someone please back me up or tell me I'm crazy.

Economics doesn't change ethics. It makes giving up hypocrisy cheaper.
- Stephen J. Turnbull

There's a little lost puppy out there in the cold rain scratching on
your back door, and the tag on its collar says "Security."
- Matt Carothers

- Ontario Ministry of Labor (Alert #I12/0395)

I've been waiting for the right woman to get confused.
- On not being married.

You can quote me if you want.
- simonrvn

Does your dad know what you want to do to his computer?
- Seen on debian-user

The support contract said RHEL 3.0 or better, so I installed Debian
- Peter Samuelson

< zignig> def : debiant, a subversive gnu/linux user

Hi! I'm a .signature virus. Copy me into
your ~/.signature to help me spread!

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not
tried it.
- Donald Knuth

Ah, well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
- Oscar Wilde, dying words.

Either those curtains go or I do.
- Oscar Wilde, dying words, take 2.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde

Experience is one thing you can't get for nothing.
- Oscar Wilde

For those who like that sort of thing, it's the sort of thing that
they like.
- Oscar Wilde

I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde

I hope you have not been leading a double life, pretending to be
wicked and being really good all the time. That would be hypocrisy.
- Oscar Wilde

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.
- Oscar Wilde

Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's
nerves - which is the same thing nowadays.
- Oscar Wilde

Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself
would say that it had merely been detected.
- Oscar Wilde

The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the
young know everything.
- Oscar Wilde

The public have an insatiable curiosity to know everything. Except
what is worth knowing. Journalism, conscious of this, and having
tradesman-like habits, supplies their demands.
- Oscar Wilde

Work is the curse of the drinking class.
- Oscar Wilde

A true gentleman is one who is never unintentionally rude.
- Oscar Wilde

<bob2> surely adding a curses tetris client to d-i wouldnt't be that hard
<joshk> nethack-console-udeb
<bob2> people will file bugs saying the install doesn't take long enough
- seen on #debian-bleh



"Life," said Marvin dolefully, "loathe it or ignore it, you can't
like it."

"Life," said Marvin, "don't talk to me about life."

"Yes," said Marvin. "Why stop now just when I'm hating it?"

"What are you supposed to do if you are a manically depressed
robot? No, don't bother to answer that, I'm fifty thousand times
more intelligent than you and even I don't know the answer. It
gives me a headache just trying to think down to your level."

"Just another million years," said Marvin, "just another quick
million. Then I might try it backwards. Just for the variety, you

"Yes you will," enthused Zaphod, "there's a whole new life
stretching out ahead of you."
"Oh, not another one," groaned Marvin.

"You don't have to pretend to be interested in me you know," said
Marvin at last, "I know perfectly well I'm only a menial robot."

"Yes," said Marvin. "Wearily I sit here, pain and misery my only
companions. And vast intelligence of course. And infinite sorrow.

"Nothing at all," intoned Marvin dismally, "not an electronic sausage."

"The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't"

"I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young."
"Why, what did she tell you?"
"I don't know, I didn't listen."

"I repeat, all planet leave is cancelled. I've just had an unhappy
love affair, so I don't see why anybody else should have a good

"Charming man," he said. "I wish I had a daughter so I could forbid
her to marry one ..."

"What's so unpleasant about being drunk?"
"You ask a glass of water."

Ford had another Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, the drink which has
been described as the alcoholic equivalent of a mugging - expensive
and bad for the head.

In his dream he was walking late at night along the East Side,
beside the river which had become so extravagantly polluted that new
lifeforms were now emerging from it spontaneously, demanding welfare
and voting rights.

"This must be Thursday," said Arthur musing to himself, sinking low
over his beer, "I never could get the hang of Thursdays."

"Rob McKenna was a miserable bastard and he knew it"


Don't suspect a friend, report him.
- "Brazil"

Mellowfields. Top Security Holiday Camps. Luxury without fear. Fun
without suspicion. Relax in a panic free atmosphere.
- "Brazil"

Have you got a 27B/6?
- "Brazil"

Trust in haste, Regret at leisure
- "Brazil"

Consumers for Christ
- "Brazil"

This is your receipt for your husband...and this is my receipt for
your receipt.
- "Brazil"

You mean you were meant to hijack my truck, make me crash it, and
have every security man in town looking for me?
- "Brazil"

You're not a professional, are you?
No, amatueur.
- "Brazil"

Princess Bride

There's nothing to explain. You're trying to kidnap what I have
rightfully stolen.
- Princess Bride

I've been specializing in groups. Battling gangs for local charities,
that kind of thing.
- Princess Bride

So it is down to you, and it is down to me. If you wish her dead, by
all means, keep moving forward.
- Princess Bride

"Let me put it this way: have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle,
Socrates?" "Yes." "Morons."
- Princess Bride

I'm no one to be trifled with. That is all you ever need know.
- Princess Bride

Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.
- Princess Bride

Get used to disappointment.
- Princess Bride

Bye bye boys! Have fun storming the castle!
- Princess Bride

We need a miracle, it's very important.
- Princess Bride

I myself am often surprised at life's little quirks.
- Princess Bride

Rodents of unusual size? I don't think they exist.
- Princess Bride

Don't rush me sonny. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.
You got money?
- Princess Bride

I mean once word leaks out that a pirate has gone soft, people begin
to disobey you and it's nothing but work, work, work all the time.
- Princess Bride

Please understand, I hold you in the highest respect.
- Princess Bride

You don't look so good. You don't smell so good, either.
- Princess Bride

You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept.
- Princess Bride

Am I going mad, or did the word "think" escape your lips?
- Princess Bride

My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
- Princess Bride

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
- Princess Bride

Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.
- Princess Bride

I don't envy you the headache you'll have when you awake. But in the
meantime, rest well, and dream of large women.
- Princess Bride

True love is the greatest thing in the world. Except for a nice
MLT... mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich
- Princess Bride

Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!
- Princess Bride

You're just stalling now.
- Princess Bride

- Princess Bride

I could give you my word as a Spaniard?
No good. I've known too many Spaniards.
- Princess Bride

I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six
fingers on your right hand?
- Princess Bride

I've just sucked one year of your life away.
- Princess Bride

Are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet
or his enemy's?
- Princess Bride

Go through his clothes and look for loose change.
- Princess Bride

They were both poisoned. I spent the last few years building up an
immunity to iocane powder.
- Princess Bride

In that case, I challenge you to a battle of wits.
For the princess? To the death? I accept.
- Princess Bride

See! The Cliffs of Insanity!
- Princess Bride

- Princess Bride

You be careful. People in masks cannot be trusted
- Princess Bride

What you do not smell is called Iocane powder.
- Princess Bride

I've got my country's 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange,
my wife to murder, and Gilder to frame for it. I'm swamped!
- Princess Bride

I don't know what to do with the rest of my life.
Have you ever considered piracy?
- Princess Bride

<sniff> Iocane!
- Princess Bride


No one has ever done anything like this.
Yeah? That's why it's going to work.
- The Matrix

You are a plague, and we are... the cure.
- The Matrix

Never send a human to do a machine's job.
- The Matrix

OxDEADBEEF (aka: Meat)

How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat?
- Terry Bisson, Meat Beings

I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These creatures are the only
sentient race in the sector and they're made out of meat.
- Terry Bisson, Meat Beings

Maybe they're like the Orfolei. You know, a carbon-based
intelligence that goes through a meat stage.
- Terry Bisson, Meat Beings

They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life
spans, which didn't take too long. Do you have any idea the life span of meat?
- Terry Bisson, Meat Beings

Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the Weddilei. A
meat head with an electron plasma brain inside.
- Terry Bisson, Meat Beings

But I told you, we probed them. They're meat all the way through.
- Terry Bisson, Meat Beings

"No brain?"
"Oh, there is a brain all right. It's just that the brain is made out
of meat!"
- Terry Bisson, Meat Beings

So... what does the thinking?
- Terry Bisson, Meat Beings

You're not understanding, are you? The brain does the thinking. The
- Terry Bisson, Meat Beings

Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!
- Terry Bisson, Meat Beings

Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The
meat is the whole deal! Are you getting the picture?
- Terry Bisson, Meat Beings

Omigod. You're serious then. They're made out of meat.
- Terry Bisson, Meat Beings

Yes. They are indeed made out meat. And they've been trying to get in
touch with us for almost a hundred of their years.
- Terry Bisson, Meat Beings

So what does the meat have in mind?
- Terry Bisson, Meat Beings

We're supposed to talk to meat?
- Terry Bisson, Meat Beings

"They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?"
"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat."
- Terry Bisson, Meat Beings

What do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when
you slap or flap meat it makes a noise?
- Terry Bisson, Meat Beings

They talk by flapping their meat at each other.
- Terry Bisson, Meat Beings

They can even sing by squirting air through their meat.
- Terry Bisson, Meat Beings

Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much.
- Terry Bisson, Meat Beings

"So what do you advise?"
"Officially or unofficially?"
- Terry Bisson, Meat Beings

Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing.
- Terry Bisson, Meat Beings

I was hoping you would say that.
- Terry Bisson, Meat Beings

It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make
contact with meat?
- Terry Bisson, Meat Beings

I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say? `Hello, meat.
How's it going?'
- Terry Bisson, Meat Beings

But will this work? How many planets are we dealing
with here?
- Terry Bisson, Meat Beings

Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers,
but they can't live on them.
- Terry Bisson, Meat Beings

"So we just pretend there's no one home in the universe."
"That's it."
- Terry Bisson, Meat Beings

Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat?
- Terry Bisson, Meat Beings

A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat's
- Terry Bisson, Meat Beings

Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the universe would be if one
were all alone.
- Terry Bisson, Meat Beings


HYPERTHREADING A design feature which allows a single processor to
maintain two stalled threads
- l'Inq http://www.theinquirer.net/

SECURE OS Software's version of literature's unicorn
- l'Inq http://www.theinquirer.net/

STATE OF THE ART Expensive, loud and fragile. Occasionally functions for
brief periods. In computer hardware terms, the "art" may be pottery
- l'Inq http://www.theinquirer.net/

On the Internet, nobody really knows whether or not you're
Schroedinger's cat.

Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman
she meets and then teams up with three complete strangers to kill again.
- That Movie Guy's synopsis of "The Wizard of Oz"

The Earth *is* flat. But Mars is sharp and Venus is in tune, which
makes up for it.

I think you're reading *way* more into two specimens of underground
vegetable than has ever been implied.
- Peter Samuelson

< bob2> beef-fed tofu tastes better, anyway.

< bob2> I'm in this channel 23.5 hours a day, how did I miss a new

The only good morning is a dead morning.
- Richard M. Stallman

It has math, optics, and vivisection, but no computers, no code, and
no high-speed pizza delivery.
- Slashdot review of _Quicksilver_

Irony remains among the best entertainment values.

"Stuff your own cuddly friend"
- Sighted on a senior center bulletin board

helix doesn't understand why all of the bugs filed against mencal
are from guys
- #debian IRC

If standards are good, then double standards must be... oh never mind.
- Niels Callesoe

IMPORTANT - ANTI-DISCLAIMER - This email is not and cannot, by its nature, be
confidential. En route from me to you, it will pass across the public
Internet, easily readable by any number of system administrators along the
way. If you have received this message by mistake, it would be ridiculous for
me to tell you not to read it or copy to anyone else, because, let's face it,
if it's a message revealing confidential information or that could embarrass
me intensely, that's precisely what you'll do. Who wouldn't? Likewise, it is
superfluous for me to claim copyright in the contents, because I own that
anyway, even if you print out a hard copy or disseminate this message all over
the known universe. I don't know why so many corporate mail servers feel
impelled to attach a disclaimer to the bottom of every email message saying
otherwise. If you don't know either, why not email your corporate lawyers and
system administrators and ask them why they insist on contributing so much to
the waste of bandwidth? To say nothing of making the presence of your mail on
public discussions or mailinglists of explicitly contratictory nature. May as
well just delete it, eh? Oh, and this message is probably plauged with
viruses as well.

D00D PL33Z 1 N33D CH347 C0D35 FOR GC0NF !!!

That would turn off sockpuppet source routing, yes?
- Morely Dotes, on n.a.n.a.e

The function of the president is not to run the country.
It is to divert attention from those who actually do.

Tomatoes aren't fruits.
They merely prefer the company of other tomatoes, that's all.

This message represents the official view of the voices in my head.

This message is out to lunch.

> What other group has its predominant slur based on honest labor?
- Rick Moen

I suppose now I've said that, somebody is going to make quilt play
Towers of Hanoi.
- Martin Pool

My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still, My father
does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will, The ship is anchor'd
safe and sound, its voyage closed and done, From fearful trip the
victor ship comes in with object won.

You couldn't flame your way out of a bag of oxy- acetylene mix.

IANAL, but from what I've read on slashdot...
- File under "famous last words"

Q: You say that gamma-radiation bursts may be interstellar warfare...
A: No, no, I've changed my mind. I think they're industrial accidents.
- Arthur C. Clark, in The Onion

Due to circumstances beyond our control, the Server is temporarily UP.
- Seen on Earthlink support newsgroup.

If you can fake sincerity, you can fake anything.

Douglas sneezed four times. Everyone blessed him.
- David Schickler, "The Smoker"

As of the first week of June, I'm prepared to be completely infatuated
with you.
- David Schickler, "The Smoker"

The Revolution Will Not be Televised

You will not be able to stay home, brother.
You will not be able to plug in, turn on and cop out.

You will not be able to lose yourself on skag and skip,
Skip out for beer during commercials,
Because the revolution will not be televised.

The revolution will not be televised.

The revolution will not be brought to you by Xerox
In 4 parts without commercial interruptions.

The revolution will not show you pictures of Nixon
blowing a bugle and leading a charge by John
Mitchell, General Abrams and Spiro Agnew to eat
hog maws confiscated from a Harlem sanctuary.

The revolution will not be televised.

The revolution will not be brought to you by the
Schaefer Award Theatre and will not star Natalie
Woods and Steve McQueen or Bullwinkle and Julia.

The revolution will not give your mouth sex appeal.

The revolution will not get rid of the nubs.

The revolution will not make you look five pounds
thinner, because the revolution will not be televised, Brother.

There will be no pictures of you and Willie May
pushing that shopping cart down the block on the dead run,
or trying to slide that color television into a stolen ambulance.

NBC will not be able predict the winner at 8:32
or report from 29 districts.

The revolution will not be televised.

There will be no pictures of pigs shooting down
brothers in the instant replay.

There will be no pictures of pigs shooting down
brothers in the instant replay.

There will be no pictures of Whitney Young being
run out of Harlem on a rail with a brand new process.

There will be no slow motion or still life of Roy
Wilkens strolling through Watts in a Red, Black and
Green liberation jumpsuit that he had been saving
For just the proper occasion.

Green Acres, The Beverly Hillbillies, and Hooterville
Junction will no longer be so damned relevant, and
women will not care if Dick finally gets down with
Jane on Search for Tomorrow because Black people

The revolution will not be televised.

There will be no highlights on the eleven o'clock
news and no pictures of hairy armed women
liberationists and Jackie Onassis blowing her nose.

The theme song will not be written by Jim Webb,
Francis Scott Key, nor sung by Glen Campbell, Tom
Jones, Johnny Cash, Englebert Humperdink, or the Rare Earth.

The revolution will not be televised.

The revolution will not be right back after a message
about a white tornado, white lightning, or white people.

You will not have to worry about a dove in your
bedroom, a tiger in your tank, or the giant in your toilet bowl.

The revolution will not go better with Coke.

The revolution will not fight the germs that may cause bad breath.

The revolution will put you in the driver's seat.

The revolution will not be televised, will not be televised,
will not be televised, will not be televised.

The revolution will be no re-run brothers;

The revolution will be live.
- Gil Scott-Heron, "The Revolution Will Not Be Televised"

Remember Alice? There's a song about Alice

So we took the half-a-ton of garbage, put it in the back of a red VW
- A. Guthrie

So we got in the red VW microbus with the shovels and rakes and implements
of destruction and headed on toward the Police Officer Station.
- A. Guthrie

Obie, I can understand your wantin' my wallet, so I don't have any
money to spend in the cell, but what do you want my belt for?
- A. Guthrie

Remember Alice? There's a song about Alice.
- A. Guthrie

Now it all started two Thanksgivings ago... two years ago, on Thanksgiving.
- A. Guthrie

With tears in our eyes, we drove off into the sunset lookin' for
another place to put the garbage.
- A. Guthrie

And we decided that one big pile was better than two little piles,
and rather than bring that one up, we decided to throw ours down.
- A. Guthrie

Yes sir, Officer Obie, I cannot tell a lie. I put that envelope
under that garbage.
- A. Guthrie

They was takin' plaster tire tracks, footprints, dog-smellin' prints.
- A. Guthrie

They took twenty-seven 8 x 10 colored glossy photographs with
circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one
explainin' what each one was, to be used as evidence against us.
- A. Guthrie

Because Obie came to the realization that it was a typical case of
American blind justice.
- A. Guthrie

Got good and drunk the night before, so I looked and felt my best when I
went in that morning, 'cause I wanted to look like the All-American Kid
from New York City.
- A. Guthrie

The sergeant came over, pinned a medal on me, sent me down the hall,
said "You're our boy".
- A. Guthrie

Gettin' more injections, inspections, detections, neglections, and
all kinds of stuff that they was doin' to me at the thing there.
- A. Guthrie

I said, "And creatin' a nuisance . . . " And they all came back,
shook my hand, and we had a great time.
- A. Guthrie

And, friends, somewhere in Washington, enshrined in some little
folder, is a study in black and white of my fingerprints.
- A. Guthrie

You know, if one person, just one person, does it, they may think
he's really sick and they won't take him.
- A. Guthrie

And can you imagine fifty people a day? I said FIFTY people a day...
walkin' in, singin' a bar of "Alice's Restaurant" and walkin' out?
Friends, they may think it's a MOVEMENT!
- A. Guthrie


I assume he was descended from the apes like all the rest of us, but
clearly in his case it had been a fairly gentle slope.

No I haven't put Debian on it, yet.

I'm only buying black equipment until they invent something darker.


I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a
paranoid little weirdo. In morse code.
- Emo Phillips

No matter how paranoid I get, it's never enough to keep up.

The question is not whether I'm paranoid, it's whether I'm paranoid enough.

The truly paranoid are rarely conned.

Doesn't matter if I'm paranoid - they're still after me.

I sincerely believe people talk about me. Mine would be a pretty
meaningless existance if they didn't.

Why are some people terrified of "black helicopters" and don't even notice
that they are being monitored almost constantly by the whole network of
obvious surveilance cameras, credit cards, ATMs, EZpass, company ID/access
cards, magazine subscriptions, SSNs, taxes, fees, video rentals, Internet
firewall recording, 'cookies', ... ?

Paranoia: the belief that someone cares.

Paranoia is the belief in a hidden order behind the visible.

When everyone is out to get you, paranoia is only good thinking.

Paranoia is knowing all the facts."
-Woody Allen

Paranoia is just another word for longevity.
- Laurell K. Hamilton, The Laughing Corpse

Perfect paranoia is perfect awareness.

Paranoia is reality seen on a finer scale. - Philo Gant, Strange Days

The issue is not whether you are paranoid, the issue is whether you are
paranoid enough.
- Max, Strange Days

Why are you so paranoid, Mulder?
Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's because I find it hard to trust anybody.
- Scully & Mulder, The X-Files, Ascension

Paranoia strikes deep / Into your life it will creep / It starts when you're
/ always afraid. You step out / of line, the man come and / take you away.

Freedom is just a hallucination created by a pathological lack of paranoia.

Paranoia doesn't mean the whole world really isn't out to get you.

If you ever wanted to know what a person with acute paranoia looks like,
just keep watching.

I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of
suspicion and paranoia.

Paranoia is heightened awareness.

Paranoia is a social disease--you get it from screwing other people.

Paranoia is the delusion that your enemies are organized.
- Arthur D. Hlavaty.

This is the Nineties, Bubba, and there is no such thing as Paranoia. It's
all true.
- Hunter S Thompson

There are two kinds of paranoia: Total, and insufficient. I am both,
because if you think you are sufficiently paranoid, you're not.
- Guildenstern, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead

The truly paranoid are clever enough to not *act* paranoid.
- Q, Star Trek: The Next Generation

When everyone _is_ out to get to you, being paranoid isn't going to help.
- Q, Star Trek: The Next Generation

When did you get so paranoid?
When they started plotting against me.
- The Paper

Paranoia is only the leading edge of the discovery that everything in the
world is connected.
- The Illuminatus Trilogy

When you've been through everything I have, paranoia is merely a precaution!

Paranoia is not the belief that everybody's out to get you -- they are.
Paranoia is the belief that everybody's conspiring to get you.

The greater the concentration of power, the greater the paranoia it
generates about its need to destroy everything outside itself.

Only the paranoid survive.
- Andy Grove

DRDOS / Caldera case

Source: http://www.maxframe.com/DR/Info/fullstory/factstat.html

While DOS continues to be our most important and most profitable product
over the last four years we have done very little with it technically.
- Bill Gates, November 29, 1989

We thought OS/2 would replace MS-DOS. We were wrong. We got distracted and
didn't pay enough attention to the DOS standard.
- Bill Gates, June 6, 1991

You never sent me a response on the question of what things an app would
do that would make it run with MSDOS and not run DR-DOS. Is there any
version check or api they fail to have? Is there [a] feature they have
that might get in our way? I am not looking for something they cant get
around. I am looking for something their current binary fails
- Bill Gates, September 22, 1988, building better software

It only takes a couple of reports about non-compatibility to give the kiss
of death to a PC: we've seen that on the hardware side as well as in the
operating system area.
- Jeremy Butler, Microsoft Corp. September 22, 1989

DOS being fairly cloned has had a dramatic impact on our pricing for DOS.
I wonder if we would have it around 30-40% higher if it wasn't cloned. I
bet we would!
- Bill Gates, August 6, 1989. And remember, Microsoft lowers prices...

The strategic side is: ... We put a bullet in the head of our would be
competitors on DOS like DRI, Desqview, dos extenders etc.
- Nathan Mhyrvold, Microsoft Corp., May 9, 1989. Business as usual.

On the desktop, we have a strategic win today (monopoly). We must keep the
- Presentation, Microsoft Executive Staff Retreat, May 10, 1990

We are engaged in a FUD campaign to let the press know about some of the
bugs. We'll provide info a few bugs at a time to stretch it out.
- Brad Silverberg, July 22, 1991, outlining FUD campaign

We are forcing them to NOT ship any DRI machines.
- Ron Hosogi, Microsoft Corp, Sept. 10, 1990, fair market practices.

Opus agreement has finally been signed by Redmond. Another DRI prospect
bites the dust with a per processor DOS agreement.
- Microsoft OEM Status Report, October 1990

The new contract is for three year term so that we don't have to worry
about low end competition. This will be the first OEM in Mexico bundling
Windows 3.0 on its system, and we eliminated DRI's chances with Printaform
for at least 3 years.

I thought about it all night. Since I came here I said there were two
things that concerned me related to Novell: one Novell partnering with IBM
and two Novell coming at us at the desktop. Both fears have now come true.
- Jim Allchin, Microsoft Corp., Jul 17, 1991 All that's old is new again.

I think to be successful a DOS update has to...match the garbage that
DR DOS does.
- Bill Gates, Mar 6, 1992. Innovating, as usual.

We need to slaughter Novell before they get stronger.
- Jim Allchin, Sept 9, 1991. Business as usual.

Objectives: FUD DR DOS with every editorial contact made.
- MS-DOS 6 PR Plan, November 1992

look what znix is doing! cut those fuckers off.
- Brad Silverberg, May 19, 1992. Response to OEM selling competing OS

the design preview has not leaked to the press are you surprised do you
wish it would if so when
- Steve Ballmer, June 9, 1992 [and 1995, 1998, 2000, 2001, 2003, 2006...?]

This really isn't that hard. If you're going to kill someone there isn't
much reason to get all worked up about it and angry -- you just pull the
- Jim Allchin, Microsoft Corp., Sept 18, 1993. Business as usual.

Compaq thin[k]s they can distribute our OS [software] however they want.
Joachim, you'll need to check the contract on this. If they think they can
distribute however they want, again, it's a small step to putting other os
software on the cd rom.