Note: I'm Sorry, but my Dark side got the better of me and I had to write this. I apologize for anyone that I may inadvertently offend. I mean this to be a joke.
Perrin and Faile build a large house so that they can finally have some privacy. The first night in the new place they finally get to celebrate their honeymoon, they have Mad Passionate Sex. Their climactic moment is utterly stupendous in that they have been waiting for two years since their marriage in TSR until they can consummate it in book 6 The Fires of Passion.
Verin is getting bored just sitting around waiing for Perrin to do something, so she decides to resort to some trickery to get Perrin moving. She approaches Tam al'Thor and tells him some of the truth about Rand. He doesn't believe her. She says that she never lies to a man that sleeps with. They have Mad Passionate Sex. Tam drags Perrin off to go find Rand.
After he gets to practice with his sword, Aram figures out that he likes long thin objects, that they give him a kind of thrill. Aram starts to charm loyalty of the Companions away from Perrin and places it onto himself. They all have Mad Passionate Sex. Aram uses the Companions to take over Perrin's newfound position as leader of the Two Rivers.
While Perrin is away, Lord Luc returns and charms his way back into the village, everyone having forgotten Perrin's warnings about him. Distressed by Aram's sudden rise to power, Faile begs Luc to help her take the village back. He constantly refuses, since Aram seems to be ruining the village quite nicely. Faile dances the Sa'sara for Luc. They have Mad Passionate Sex. Luc takes on Aram and all of his love slaves (oops-- Companions), and wins and takes over as Lord of the Two Rivers.
Gaul and Chiad do not appreciate this and knock off Luc and take over as temporary King and Queen until Perrin gets back. Of course they celebrate their coronation with some Mad Passionate Sex.
Perrin hears of all of this crazyness in the Two Rivers, and rushes back there to attempt to straighten everything out. He arrives at the Two Rivers to find the new village pasttime is Maiden's Kiss. He throws up his arms in disgust and leaves the village with only wolves as companions looking for a nice Wolfsister so that they can have Mad Passionate Sex and make little Wolf Children.
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