____________________ //\\//\\//\\//\\//\\ \\// \\// //\\ Entry #07 //\\ \\// \\// //\\//\\//\\//\\//\\ ____________________
"The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to syndication, syndication fades to reruns on obscure UHF stations that you can never get good reception on, and even the reruns are long forgotten when the Age that that gave it birth comes again and some producer decides to make a full-length motion picture out of it. In one Age, called the Age of Diminished Expectations by one noted economist, an Age long past, an Age yet to come, an Age that keeps coming loose from the bloody Wheel so that the Creator has to take it to the shop again, a Roy arose from the filthy mattress in the cheap hovel where he was living. Roy was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turnings of the Wheel of Time. It's like the Energizer bunny or something. But it was *a* beginning.
Upward he stretched, his flaccid muscles creaking with the strain, his vapid stare surveying the tiny room. His gaze passed, without really focussing, over the debris strewn about the floor that signalled his dissolute lifestyle: the dirty magazines, the Domino's pizza boxes, the seven year archive of _Weekly World News_, the heaps of unwashed clothing, the LSU basketball team media guide, the framed picture of himself shaking hands with Dale Brown, the battered Macintosh 512K with 2400 baud modem. The gaze drifted along the walls, past the window covered with black construction paper and duct tape, past the posters of Shaq and Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, plastered all over the walls to a chipped and dirty mirror, where it came to rest. Roy beheld a pale, ferret-like face mounted on a gangly, ferret-like frame, and he sniffed.
He picked up the phone to order breakfast from Dominos, but they weren't open yet, so Roy knew it must be before 2pm - he wondered idly why he had woken up so early today, but soon lost his train of thought. Gradually he began to notice that the stench pervading his room was slightly more pungent today, so he shuffled over to one of the black garbage bags in the corner and opened it up. No, that one was full of his collection of Crackerjacks prizes. He tried another, but it contained only used coffee grinds. As he rummaged about for the source of the odor, his unfocused, blurry eyes passed over three tattered paperbacks, their covers gone, and a hardcover nearly as battered. For some reason, the books arrested his gaze. A thought was infiltrating his feeble mind, clawing and struggling through the billowing clouds of ignorance towards the tiny cluster of active brain cells under Roy's thick skull.
Lord of Chaos! This was the day Lord of Chaos was due in to the bookstore! Shambling immediately into action, Roy pulled on a tattered LSU sweatshirt and stained LSU sweatpants over his truly offensive LSU boxers and headed out the door, not forgetting to grab his penny jar - the big one, mind you. He was so excited riding his ancient Schwinn to the bookstore that he only fell off three times. He trudged into the bookstore, and oblivious to the appalled stares, bought LoC in hardcover, double counting the 2,495 pennies to be sure he didn't get gypped. Clasping the precious tome to his chest, he rode off home and didn't even notice that both tires had gone flat. Arriving back at his hole^H^H^H^H room, Roy eagerly began to read....
The story begins in Salidar, where Ny and El defeat the two BA with Moghedian and take her captive using an a'dam which El has made in the form of a nose ring for Mog to wear: El calls it a nostril'dam'us. They hide the three women in a cellar, but when they return later, they find that Mog and her henchwitches have vanished, taking Bela with them! Siuan tells Gareth that she would rather be caught at night in the Fingers of the Dragon with silverpike all around and holes in all her nets and a lionfish in her lap than be his servant, but they end up having MPS anyway.
In Cairhien, Rand doesn't know what's happened to Asmodean: no body was found, so no one even knows he's dead. Rand thinks Asmo went back to the Dark One; which in a way he has, given that the DO is Lord of the Grave. Also, Rand makes his choice for the Sun Throne: Egwene! Hopefully that will keep her out of his hair. Unfortunately, she sniffs and says she doesn't want it - secretly, she thinks it's too far to commute from the White Tower. Rand moves the Aiel to occupy Caemlyn and sends Davram Bashere and his army out to scour the country for male channelers. Mat and his Band of the Red Hand start skirmishing with Illian border patrols, and he finds himself humming "I'm Down At The Bottom Of A Well" and stops it. Suddenly Berelain appears on the scene: she and Mat have MPS.
Over yonder in the Two Rivers, they've progressed from calling our favorite blacksmith "Lord Perrin" and trotting around with a banner to prostrating themselves at his feet and calling him "Your Worship," while the Companions rhythmically chant his name and flagellate themselves; it's really ticking him off. Aram now not only follows everywhere Perrin goes, he dresses the same and repeats everything he says. Verin drinks lots of tea, but Alanna prefers bacon. Faile is pregnant and demands Saldean ice peppers, but they can't be had anywhere, so she's really grumpy. Meanwhile, Gaul and Chiad have MPSAS (MPS, Aiel Style).
In other news, Morgase and her merry band reach Amadicia and get an audience with Pedron Niall. Niall immediately falls in love with Lini, and they have MPS, after which the LCC agrees to help Morgase, who in the meantime has had MPS with Tallanvor. Then Galad shows up and has a nice little fight with mum, but agrees to lead the Whitecloaks who will march on Andor. There is also a civil war in Shienar, which has resulted from Hurin telling his story without using enough bloody profanity to suit Borderlands soldiers.
Back in Caemlyn, Rand marches off to fight Illian. He demands that Aviendha have MPS with him again, but she sniffs and says "The Car'a'carn is not a wetlander king." Davram Bashere finds Mazrim Taim, who has adopted the Way of the Leaf and joined a bunch of Tinkers, but he can't convince him to join Rand. Mat trips while running with a knife in his hand (didn't his mother tell him a thousand times not to do that?) and pokes out his own eye. He finds himself singing "Runaround Sue" and stops it. There's a big battle between the Aiel and the Illianers, and Rand fights Sammael; Sammael is winning when all of a sudden Jaim Farstrider do appear and stab Sammael in the back, and do be killing him and saving Rand's life. Then he disappears.
Back in Salidar, the Seanchan attack. They are driven off, but Sheriam and some others are captured. Uno and Juilin Sandar lead a rescue mission, which is about to fail when Jaim Farstrider appears to save them all. Uno and Sheriam have MPS. Then Lan arrives, and he and Nynaeve immediately set to having lots of MPS. Just for good measure, Logain and Faolain have MPS as well. We won't even talk about Myrelle and her three Warders...
Back in the Two Rivers, Perrin has to decide between the hammer and the axe, but chooses the calculator instead. The Two Riversians have started to avert their eyes from Perrin and will only refer to him as "the Most Exalted One" while the Companions wear hair shirts and crawl behind him on their knees; he keeps telling them to cut it out but they won't listen. Elyas comes to Emond's Field with the returning wolves, including Yellow Snow and Deer Eviscerator, although really those names can't convey the whole mental image associated with their identities, thank the Light. Suddenly Jaim Farstrider appears and finds the Song. Alanna and Wil al'Seen have MPS.
In other news, Fain has wormed his way into the confidences of the King of Arafel, whoever that is. His Lugard accent is strong today. Fortunately, Jaim Farstrider appears and kills him. Also, Hurin has MPS with Queen Tenobia (hey, it's possible).
Meanwhile, Mat returns from Illian to Caemlyn, planning to go on from there for a brief visit to the Two Rivers. Unfortunately, he gets there just as Morgase and Galad are arriving with their Whitecloaks. He and Galad get into a fight after Mat insults Morgase's honor, and Mat thumps him again. Then Mat finds himself humming "My Way" and stops it. Morgase sniffs. Rand Travels in just as things are about to get ugly and sorts things out, but he doesn't know where Elayne is. Suddenly Jaim Farstrider appears and tells them that she's safe and sound in Salidar. There's no MPS in this scene so we'll have to make a brief cutaway to Graendal to make up for it.
A ways west in the Two Rivers, they've begun sacrificing infants to Perrin while the Companions commit various forms of unpleasant ritual suicide in his name; he tries to order them to stop but he's drowned out by the chants of his worshippers. Gawyn suddenly appears, looking for Egwene. He's very peeved that the Two Rivers have declared their independence from Andor, and he gets into a fight with Aram: Oaf Stumbling into Bee's Nest meets Playing the Xylophone. Politician Kissing Babies counters Water Dripping from Faucet. Dog Sniffs Own Butt turns back Drunkard Fumbles with Car Keys. Eventually, Gawyn triumphs by using Tongue Caressing Earlobe to overcome Neighbor Clubs Yapping Dog. We seem to be running out of MPS, so we'll take you back to Graendal again for a few minutes.
Back in Salidar, word comes of Rand's defeat of Illian. Nynaeve, Birgitte, and Thom set out to track down Moghedien again, and Elayne and Min head for Illian. They pursue Moggie's trail into Ghealdan. Birgitte has MPS with Masema there - hey, opposites attract. When they catch up to Moghedien, they find out that the one who freed her was Bela. Suddenly Jaim Farstrider shows up and kills Bela and Moghedien. He also takes Thom to the Tower of Ghenjei, where they free Moiraine. Moiraine and Thom have MPS. Min and Elayne reach Illian, where they both have MPS with Rand. Then Perrin, Gawyn and the Two Rivers crew arrive. Egwene and Gawyn have MPS.
Meanwhile, Gareth, Logain and the Tower-in-Exile arrive at Tar Valon. Fortunately, there's no fighting because Jaim Farstrider appears and kills Elaida. Siuan sniffs. Logain and Laras, Mistress of the Kitchens, have MPS.
Finally, the Forsaken are meeting in T'a'r to decide what to do, when Jaim Farstrider appears and kills them all. But Lanfear wasn't there, so she's still alive somewhere. And indeed, she shows up in Illian, begging for forgiveness from the Light. Rand falls in love with her and they have MPS. Meanwhile, Jaim Farstrider has gone to Shayol Ghul and killed the Dark One, who, with his last breath, sniffs.
....Roy wept openly as he set the book down. Lanfear! Oh, Lanfear! He had always known she would be true, in the end. He rushed to his computer and dialed up the Internet account which he had obtained by loaning some of his dirty magazines to a guy who worked at the university. He prepared to gloat on the newsgroup, but he noticed even before he could launch his newsreader that he had recieved new email. Curious, since he had never been interesting enough to anyone to get email before, he opened up his inbox, which contained one message: from lanfear@telaranrhiod.org. Fear and pleasure mixed flooded his gnomelike form as he read:
Just then Roy saw the portal opening, framing the dark beauty that was his heart's desire, a glimpse of silk hangings beyond. She smiled and her dark eyes glittered, her hand beckoned him, he stepped forward... as the door of his apartment burst inward and a gray haired, lean-faced man leapt forward to skewer Roy on a curved blade. "Farstrider!" Lanfear gasped. "It isn't possible!" "I thought you were smarter, Mierin." Jaim's voice was gentle, yet commanding, rich with power. "Do you know who I am now?" "Not...the Creator?" she gasped. "Of course," he said, giving a deep chuckle. "The clues were all there: what other guise would I assume than that of the most important character to not appear at all? Is that not, after all, what I am? " He sighed, then. "But, Mierin, the time has come, and you are the last who presumed to challenge me. And now it is over." The neighbors heard a scream, abruptly cut off, but when they put their ears to the wall, not a sound could be heard from Roy's room, not even breathing.
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