____________________ //\\//\\//\\//\\//\\ \\// \\// //\\ Entry #15 //\\ \\// \\// //\\//\\//\\//\\//\\ ____________________
Our little tale begins with our friends in the two rivers perparing for an assualt by trollocs.
Verin is seemingly in a trance. She sits with her face devoid of any emotion, empty. NO-VAKuous is not what she is; she is struggling silently for her very soul. At this point, Faile and Perrin enter, saying that not only are the trollocs massing, but another storm is brewing. The Two Rivers will flood for sure. Faile says "Perhaps we should build some LEVINS?", at which point Verin breaks out of her trance to say "Levees, dear". "Whatever", Faile retorts. In rushes Marin AL'Vere, EMMETing furious sqwuaks and sniffs. It seems that AL'Shay boy let the pigs out of their pen, and one of them was chasing Marin around her own Inn. "Never you mind, Marin", says Daise,"forget about the PIG-LET it go. The truth'll set you free."
In stumbles Alanna, with a bloodless face. Faile shrieks. Verin, always the brown, wraps her SHAW...er, her SHAH... tightly around her, and announces that Alanna was been GARRETTED. Faile says, "Don't you mean garotted?", "Whatever" says Verin, as she accidently pulls the KORD A little tighter around Alanna's neck in her absentmindedness. Alanna, finally released, gasps, "PEASE, PEASE PEASE!!". Marin asks what the poor girl is asking please for, at which point Perrin relies "She's muttering about that EMMA girl again...." At which point, Loial runs in, crying "ERICA! ERICA!" Since there do be no one there by that name, they all look about in a confused, PHEYTSY way. Loial realizes his mistake, and cries "Sorry, No,. Eureka! Eureka! I have found the HORN! It's been in the wine cellar all along. Between the 37 dollars of beer and the GHIRARDELLI chocolate." Meanwhile, Alanna is still choking just a bit, so Perrin goes and fetches her some water. After drinking thereof, she turns even a different color, and screams "Death you shall not my hand COURT-NEY, I'll shuffle no yet!". Upon which she expires, for of course Perrin, being a man and therefore a ninnyhammer, mistakenly fetched and quenched her thirst with the contents of the OIL CAN, not the water can.
At this point, in stumbles Thom Merrillin, clutching Moiraine's blue stone to his left buttock. Faile cries "Oh ROY!", eliciting odd looks from Perrin, who says, "Oh boy?". "Whatever" says Faile. Thom cries "Down there! Past the OLD RIDGE! You must go see! A miracle!" At which point they go traipsing out. They go down to the aforementioned place, and there they see a DARKELF, one who is coming back into the Light. At this point, Loial drops the WALL O'BOOKS he's been carrying about, and says disgustedly "No fair. That happens in Feist's books. We don't even *have* real elves in Randland." At which point Verin, who still claims to be in the Two Rivers collecting DATTA, says very quietly and to know one in particular "I wonder if Aiel men who can channel could be called WISEMEN?" When everyone stares at her, she says even quieter, "Do you have any relatives in Afganistan?" Upon hearing which our heros dive for cover while Verin shops off 2 of her fingers, thus binding her to the PALM-ERrr, sorry, wrong book again.
Perrin turns up at this point, having dawdalded, as he does. He had gone to the SMITHy to get the CLAY off his boots. At this point he asks Loial, " Say Loial, why are you looking so MORRIS?" Faile says, "You mean morose?" Perrin says "Whatever." Loial just shrugs and mumbles about the Longing. At this point a raven is sighted above. Arrows are aimed, but Perrin calls them off in time. Thanks to his sight, he realized in time that it was no raven, merely HAWK out searching for her warder, who it seems tried to off Alanna, although he failed and Chad had to do it himself. At this point a horn is sounded (not the HORN) announcing that the trolloc attack has begun. Loial said "That's what I was trying to say, Perin. Look where we are - terrible place to defend. Pathetic. Just so." Perrin asks why. "All these flaming mounds in this field; we'll never be able to move easily. Rule one of defense: never defend from a HILLY YARD!" Bran Al'vere can be seen in the distance, once again putting that silly HELMUT on his head. At which point Moiraine stumbles out of the mist - Oh, I did not mention there was a mist? Well, there was. Out she stumbles, see Faile, points at her and cries "HARLOW!". "huh?" retorts Faile, ever so quick and clever. Perrin says "I think she means 'harlot' dear." "Whatever" Moiraine says, and drops dead.
After the battle, Rand shows up in the Two Rivers, and announces that he is in fact the Dragon Reborn. No one believes him; having already heard about the Great Hoax of 1994, they just laugh him out of town, telling him "Tell Bill we're not dumb enough to fall for that twice!". After which Rand spends all of his time trying to convince people that it's not a hoax, it's not! This consumes his time; he has no time to prepare for the Last Battle, and the Dark One wins.
And the Shadow fell upon the land. The moon was as Blood, and the sun was as ashes. All was shattered, and all but memory lost, and one memory above all others, of him who stood in the way of the Dragon, and Confused the Issue. And him they named Bill Garrett.
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