[Archivist's note: Formerly at http://www.math.fu-berlin.de/~guckes/afw/, and mirrored here for preservation.]
AFW - Alt.Fan.Warlord | Latest Change: Wed Dec 04 05:57:03 |
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__ _ /__\__ // //_____\/// _| /-_-\)|/_ (___\ _ //___\ ( |\\_/// _ \\ \_| \_(( {_} )) ( |__|_\\___// (o/ _ \___/ //\__|__/\ // | | | | // _\ | |___) // (___| [dead sig] Warlord In Armour
Before you post to the newsgroup
Weizenbaum, J., "ELIZA -- A computer program for the study of natural language communication between man and machine", Communications of the ACM 9(1):36-45, 1966.A list of implementations can be found at
http://128.2.209.79/afs/cs/project/ai-repository/ai/areas/classics/eliza/0.html [971119]
.. static char *sccsid = "@(#)inews.c 1.16 (Berkeley) 8/27/89"; .. * Simply accept input on stdin (or via a named file) and dump this * to the server; add a From: and Path: line if missing in the original. * Print meaningful errors from the server. * Limit .signature files to MAX_SIGNATURE lines. .. #define MAX_SIGNATURE 4As you can see, inews cuts off the signature after four lines. And it also prepends the "sigdashes":
fprintf(ser_wr_fp, "-- \n");Please note that this code was produced "just in time" for September!
Due to many users who put asterisks into their sigs to make borders, the asterisks character is used way too many times causing a shortage for other users.
If you find yourself in such a shortage then you know what to do with people who use these kinds of signatures:
-- Leading - Solutions. "There is a solution. A Leading Solution!"*************** Damian Perry - Supplies dperry@leading.com.au********************************* ******Ph: +61 3 9848 8000*****Fax: +61 3 9848 9999**************************** *********Check out our Web Page on http://www.leading.com.au/*****************Please - do not waste the asterisks! Use them only when necessary!
.-_|\ / \ Perth ->*.--._/ v <- TasmaniaDue to its fame on AFW it has since been known as "the world's sig capital". Some say that this looks like a shitting bunny, but that's nonsense, of course. A real bunny, of course, has eyes:
,-._|\ / .\ <- eye \_,--._/Compare this to a puking bunny with duct tape on its ass:
,-._|\ / .\ duct tape -> X_,--._/ v <- pukeSee the difference? Good!
For those of you with small fonts or too-fucking-big monitors here is a BIG map of Australia:
___ |\ __| . \_| \ / \ /' .\ \ . | \. _. / |__---' \_._/[Hong Ooi hong@magna.com.au:] You might want to argue whether Perth is in the right place on this map. But asking whether Perth is "in the wrong place" misses the point. Sure, the actual physical object, "Perth", may have a fixed geographical location somewhere on the planet, but that's simply irrelevant on Usenet.
Perth, to put it bluntly, is now a metalocation. It's a symbol. It has transcended mere corporeal existence. The question of whether the fabled gifs of Marina Sirtis actually exist has not yet been settled, but that doesn't stop people looking for them. Similarly, whether Perth is "really" located on the west coast of Australia, or on the eastern seaboard of the US, or in the left nostril of that face on Mars, is beside the point. One might as well ask whether Rush "really" was a band -- it doesn't matter! All that matters is that, like Bob Dylan, they came up with a lot of quotes that sound significant but don't tie you down to actually _meaning_ anything -- perfect for sigs!
Perth is to Usenet as El Dorado was to the conquistadors, or Atlantis was to Edgar Cayce, or Venus is to Alexander Abian. Every time you spot a .sig with an excess of asterisks, that's another sighting of Perth. Every ascii map of Australia contains Perth, although it may not technically be visible. Every BUAG, in fact, contains Perth, whether or not it's visible. It's well-known fact [well, now it's well-known anyway] that any BUAG can be transformed into a map of Australia using the appropriate coordinate system.
Anyway, Australia is known for far more things like Sydney, Tasmania, emus, ostriches, ozzies, kiwis, toucans, and zucchinis, eg the "Southern Cross" can be seen from there:
* * * *
Why this is important, however, no one knows for sure. Only people who walk umop-ap!sdn claim to know.
As you can see, both the southern cross and the map of Australia are well within four line - and yet some Aussies use big ones like this:
-- ()_____ !!! _______ || /___________________________ooO_(o o)_Ooo______________________\ / || | ___ |\ ___ (_) * | / || | __| . \_| \ | __| ___ ___ __ __ | / || | / \ | _| | __|| _ || ~ | * * | / || | /' .\ |_| |_| |___||_|_|_| * | \ || | \ . | .______________________________, | \ || | \. _. *<---| stylesie@sydney.DIALix.oz.au | | \ ||---| |__---' \_._/' `------------------------------' * |____\ ^^ |________________________________________________________________|Then again there are some who know what a signature is [960801]:
-- * * p.savage@chem.csiro.au Australian Science * . http://www.chem.csiro.au/savage/ Australia's Future * these comments are personal opinions not official CSIRO policy
[960601] However, "it's always September - somewhere...". And it seems that the very September of 1993 never ended. So to show you the current offset for that September, Rich Holmes wrote -> september.pl (originally called "sepdate").
Jeroen Scheerder js@xs4all.nl probably is the only using it on all his web pages: http://www.xs4all.nl/~js/. You can request the "Spetember time" online at http://korvet.cs.vu.nl:4444/. (Thanks, Jeroen!) [971215]
Using uucode the format look like this:
Johan ForsbergAs you can see, uucode encoded data starts with a "begin line" and the end is marked by an empty line followed by a line with only "end" in it. So there are at least three lines taken by the format. If the first line of the sig contains the name and address then the uucode format would not allow any picture as there is no line left. But as most uucode programs will decode unto the last two lines without a problem we can drop them, thus resulting in a McQ sig. :-) Most uudecoders produce a warning about a missing end, but will work nevertheless. We can also drop the begin line as you can add them yourself easily. This gives us the following convention:961220 begin 600 sword.gif Y1TE&.#=A0 @ ( /___RP 0 @ "BHR/J O@!(EC6S9W@84A34=Z9G",38(\-5A6AY)^84.::YF2GH&2HZ2EIJ>BI6 [ end
Picture convention:
A uuencoded picture in a signature does not require enclosing lines,
ie the "begin permissions filename" and empty_line+"end" may be missing.
Here is the example again without end lines:
-- Johan ForsbergAnd here is the resulting GIF:961220 begin 600 sword.gif Y1TE&.#=A0 @ ( /___RP 0 @ "BHR/J O@!(EC6S9W@84A34=Z9G",38(\-5A6AY)^84.::YF2GH&2HZ2EIJ>BI6 [
Now that you have seen an example you might want to try this yourself. Here are some goals for the uuencoded data:
Here is a picture of an ASCII snail:
\@Yes, this one is pretty small still. Cute, isn't it? Well, they're not! In fact, they're killers! Using a snail in your sig is dangerous!
These snails crawl around and eat away the whitespace, silly quotes and even - your very own email address! All of this makes them GROW!
\ / @ O @@@ \@@@And if they sit in a signature for a very long time then they certainly grow to be BIG:
# # ##### # # # # o o # ### # \_/ # ### # ## # #### ## # ## #####Don't let them fool you with that big grin. They can be really mean! Once they grow to full size tehy will look like this:
ASCII Snail with Usenet home ##### # # # ### # o o # ### # __\_\_ # #### / \ # \____ \ ##### / \ \ \_____________/ / \ / \________________/Don't ever mistake the big snails for pets! Some of them even swallow their owner. It's not a pretty sight so we will only show the result of this:
o o __\_\_ / \ _____ \____ \ / \ / \ \ \__/ \o/ \__/ / \ | / \_______/_\______/Yes, they have eaten the sig of many a plonked wanker. So - if you put a snail into your sig - watch those snails and don't use your sig too many times!
One of these people is David C. "Davy Baby" Brogden (deadslug@cats.ucsc.edu) http://www.armory.com/~deadslug/.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! If you want to give other people a warning then you should append this (not-McQ) signature to your posts [960811]:
-- @@@@@ @ Home of ASCII snails: @ @ @ http://www.math.fu-berlin.de/~guckes/afw/#snails @ @@@ @ @ Help the endangered ascii snails of Usenet! @ @@@ @ @ Send asterisks, hash marks, and at signs. Give generously! @ @@@@ @ @ @ @@@@@ @
From: me To: you > foo bar @/ bar foo \@
Stuart, The PEZt (stuartc@hkusa.com) \|/ ____ \|/ ~@-/ o0 \-@~ /_( \__/ )_\ \__U_/ | || | | || | | || | | || | | || | | || | | || | | || | |_||_|And now a comment from an expert:
Obviously a pre-1987 .sig, as it's footless. Karen. [don't panic]
__-----_________________{]___________________________________________________ {&&&&&&%%%&%&%&%&%#%&|]__________________________________________________/ {]Plenty of signatures had one - and these caused the creation of AFW!
Some people use upper case character sequences to "shout" their text into your face. I can be fun for a few words - but it gets annoying after a few lines.
And then there are people who seem to write text in uppercase only. These people either have a broken shift key - or they earn their living by shouting. One of these even made it into a small book with the title "The HitchHiker's Guid To The Galaxy (aka THHGTTG, see also: http://www.winet.dk/staff/bong/guide/quotes/ukquotes.htm and http://www-personal.umd.umich.edu/~nhughes/dna/faqs/diff.html ).
But before you set out to post - remember to take a spare shift key with you:
,-------------------------------. | /\ | | / \ | | /_ _\ | | | | | | |__| | | | `-------------------------------'
It is a good idea to add the URL of your home page to your sig as it gives the info that you actually have a home page and it saves others the trouble to find out about it. Also, it gives the name of the web server - which is not always as simple as "www.domain".
Specialized signatures with URLs are appreciated, too, if they give info about special info in newsgroups:
-- Sven Guckes guckes@math.fu-berlin.de Newsgroup alt.fan.warlord on WWW: AFW Home Page: http://www.math.fu-berlin.de/~guckes/afw/ AFW Best of : http://www.math.fu-berlin.de/~guckes/afw/best.of/ AFW Acronyms : http://www.math.fu-berlin.de/~guckes/afw/afw.acronyms.html
The true art with ASCII pictures is to express objects in as little characters as possible - and this is truly a very very difficult matter. It has become a form of art and thus the newgroup alt.ascii-art was created.
However, there are some pinheads out there who use big ASCII pictures in signatures:
-- Quantum Mechanic (pinhead@islandnet.com) wrote: + | The Church of Blarney /_\ | Proud Providers of Unhealthy Snacks(tm) /___\ | to the Jihad (exorcisms upon request). /_____\ | --------------------------------------- /_______\ | Home of St. Windigo The Feral, Shredder /_________\ | of Spongies _+_ /___________\ _+_ | |_|_|_/_____________\_|_|_| | --------------------------------------- |___|/_______________\|___| | Featuring frozen pizzas, Moosehead Beer, |_|_|/_______________\|_|_| | Extra Value Caloric Therapies, and our |___|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|___| | special-recipe SpongeMinion Cake(tm), /|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_| | made with real Sponge Minions. /_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|\ | --------------------------------------- |_| |_|_|_|_|_|_|_| |_\ | Critical Mass(tm) celebrated each full |_| |_|_|_|_|_|_|_| |_| | moon. Communion B.Y.O.S. (Bring Your |_|_____|_|_| |_|_|_|_|_____|_| | Own Sacraments - Oreos+Jolt Cola, please) |_|_|_|_|_|_|| ||_|_|_|_|_|_| | --------------------------------------- |_|_|_|_|_|_|| ||_|_|_|_|_|_| | Bishop Pinhead the Cenobite: |_|_|_|_|_|_|| ||_|_|_|_|_|_| | pinhead@islandnet.com Father Random:reverson@charlie.usd.eduWell, beware of these people - they probably are "*the* youngest kid in the school district to suffer a suspension"...
The plan file sometimes contains the "PGP key" of that person which makes it easy to add it to the keyring with the command
finger user@host.domain | pgp
However, the Inner Circle has developed a far more powerful tool - "zucchn":
ZUCCHN(1) USER COMMANDS ZUCCHN(1) NAME zucchn - display information about users SYNOPSIS zucchn [ options ] name... DESCRIPTION Zucchn is a direct replacement for SunOs Release 6.9's 'finger' function and supercedes 'poke' and 'goose'. By default, zucchn displays information about each logged-in user, including his or her: login name, full name, sex (prepended with a `*' if zuke-permission is denied), idle time, orientation, login time, and location (comment field in /etc/erog_zones for users logged in locally, hostname for users logged in remotely) if known. Idle time is minutes if it is a single integer, hours and minutes if a ':' is present, or days and hours if a d is present. Stress level is directly proportional to idle time. OPTIONS -w Ten seconds on high in the microwave. -F Several minutes in the freezer. -l Force long (cucumber) output format. -s Force short (buttplug) output format. -q Force quick output format, which is similar to short format except that it can be done while on break or at lunch. -i Force ``idle'' output format, which is similar to short format except that hair may grow on your palms and blindness can result. -b Suppress printing. This is similar to -m, the Mormon switch. FILES /etc/wank who is currently using zucchn /etc/heybabe for users' names /var/adm/lastlog times of last restroom stops. /etc/erog_zones terminal locations ~/.plan plans ~/.project projects ~/.fantasy helpful hints SEE ALSO finger(1), prod(1), poke(1), thrust(1), ouch(1), sigh(3) Schcock, H., NAME/ZUCCHN Protocol, 1977 December 30, RFC 742. BUGS Sometimes dinner and a movie is necessary for zucchn to be successful. On insecure systems, several hours of talk(2) may also be helpful. Sun Release 4.1 Last change: 10 January 1988 2 === From: bigdave@tdd.sj.nec.com (David Sweeney x2987) Subject: zucchn (Was: Re: finger) To: inner-circle@crash.canon.co.uk (Them Warlordin' Fools) Date: Thu, 11 Feb 93 16:40:43 PST
But the big disadvantage is that the tab stops are almost always set to different values. While most people use multiples of eight, a lot of programmers use multiples of four or even just three.
Thus sigs with tabs almost never look ok. This especially is the case when sigs are quoted. And that happens a *lot* on AFW.
The following sig illustrates the behaviour of tabs. Please view this sig on different terminals, pagers, or any editor; if you are using a vi clone then change the value of the tabstop with ":set tabstop=X". Note that the fourth line contains only a tab followed by a caret (^):
-- Sven Guckes SIG-O-METER 0123456789A ^ <- tab line!
-- ) \ / ( /|\ )\_/( /|\ * / | \ (/\|/\) / | \ * |`.____________________/__|__o____\`|'/___o__|__\___________________.'| | University of Essex '^` \|/ '^` University of Essex | | V | | | | Alan Greep.... | | E-mail: greea@essex.ac.uk | | | | "It's the old, old story - 'droid meets 'droid, 'droid | | becomes chameleon, 'droid loses chameleon, chameleon | | turns into blob, 'droid gets blob back again, blob | | meets blob, blob goes off with blob and 'droid loses | | blob, chameleon and 'droid. | | How many times have we seen that story?" | | | | ._________________________________________________________________. | |' l /\ / \\ \ /\ l `| * l / V )) V \ l * l/ // \I VThere are no dragons in Egypt, you say? Well, you've never been there, have you? This one certainly did not watch where it flew - and hit the scroll. So remember boys and girls - don't fly and flame!
##, aw _gmmw_ agmm_ _gmmw_ #f _gmmw_ _agmmw _gmmw_ 0### _### J#" ?#, d@ "#K J#" ?#, J# J#" ?#, #@ #Q J#" ?#, g# #Q d@ 0# ## #QJ#~ ]# ## #Q #F ## #Q _w#" ## #Q _#&ww0#L ,#E__0Q__## ##J#_ j# ## ## J# ## ## ""#m ## ## ## 0#_'""""0#"'9#_ _#F #K 0# 9#_ _#F #F 9#_ _#F #L J# 9#_ _#F *#~ #* *# "#mm@" *#m#P "#mm@" d# "#mm@" "##m#@" "#mm@" Home page: http://atlantis.ucc.ie/fergus-homepage.html
Some fonts even include "shading" to give the letters a three-dimensional look. "3DBUAFs" are not easy to make and most people just always get it wrong. So before you design your own, please read the 3DBUAF FAQ.
Example:
\\\|||/// \ Even Holen, Berg Prestegerd, Jonsvannsvn 45, N-7016 Trondheim \\ ~ ~ // \ mailto:evenh@stud.ntnu.no, Even.Holen@unimed.sintef.no | @ @ | \ www: http://www.stud.ntnu.no/~evenh/ oOo (_) oOo \ 'Christians are not perfect they are forgiven'
____/| O \ o.O| \\ =(_)= __))____ooO U Ooo ``` '''
You might think that one signature is enough - well, you're wrong. People will tell the newsreader to append a sig as well as use their editor to append a sig. So they compose a post with their editor (which appends a sig) and then they post it - and the newsreader will append the sig yet again. A typical case of this is:
-- William Anker wanker@chese.com Read my sig - no more asterisks! -- William Anker wanker@chese.com Read my sig - no more asterisks!Sheesh!
Why don't newsreaders check for occurrence of a second "sigdashline"?
Have people RTFM until they understand the error message
"double sig means double death"!
Extra penalty for tabdamage:
Death by sauerkraut!! Or bunga-bunga. Your choice.
[960219]
Flag example:
|^| <^\| |/^> <__ __> | CanadaPeople from Canada will tell you that it is a leaf of some sort, but don't let them fool you! It is actually a wing nut. And don't listen to those who tell you that it's a pushpin with ears, either!
Map example:
/~~~~\ \_ / \ \ o \ \ O \ _\ ____// \\ \__/ ' ItalyNo, I'd never wear any shoes like this. Not even in Italy!
fnord n. [from the "Illuminatus Trilogy"]
1. A word used in email and news postings to tag utterances as surrealist
mind-play or humor, esp. in connection with Discordianism and
elaborate conspiracy theories.
"I heard that David Koresh is sharing an apartment in Argentina with
Hitler. (Fnord.)" "
Where can I fnord get the "Principia Discordia" from?"
2. A metasyntactic variable, commonly used by hackers with ties to
Discordianism or the Church of the SubGenius.
[960220]
Email/Usenet messages often try to hide the spoiler by giving a warning message and adding many "empty" lines so it is out of view from immediate viewing. However, this is a bad method - for these reasons:
Message-ID: <38c2b850.32198925@news.online.de>
A spoiler character (control-l, denoted by ^L or ASCII#12) signals to the pager to hide the following text from view - until the user requests the text to be displayed with another command.
The newsreader slrn has support for spoilers. All following non-space characters are shown as '*':
without spoiler: This is a spoiler text. Do not show it! with spoiler: **** ** * ******* ***** ** *** **** ***But if you chose to not see anything then you can change this to simply show spaces or nothing at all.
Slrn optionally squeezes a block of empty lines into a single empty line. Adding many empty lines therefore does not have the desired effect. In fact, this feature is very useful as you usually see more text on your terminal that way. Do - don't turn it off.
A "newpage stop" is done when the (internal) pager of the newsreader encounters a "newpage line" in a post, ie a line which starts with the character "control-l". The page will not show the following text but hold it until the user presses a key. After that key press the pager will clear the screen and continue at the top again.
The effect is used to "overwrite" a signature with a slightly changed version of it, thus creating a sequence of pictures which add up to a "movie".
For best results you should assume that people are using a terminal with at most 80 characters (where have you heard this before? :-) and at most 24 lines.
Håkan Svensson (d95-hsv@nada.kth.se) put up two of his "movie warlords" and used client-pull to animate them:
For GUI browsers: [961030]
http://www.student.nada.kth.se/~d95-hsv/warlord/warlord7.html
http://www.student.nada.kth.se/~d95-hsv/warlord/warlorda.html
For non-GUI browsers (read: Lynx :-):
http://www.student.nada.kth.se/~d95-hsv/warlord/warlorde.html
http://www.student.nada.kth.se/~d95-hsv/warlord/warlordd.html
http://www.student.nada.kth.se/~d95-hsv/warlord/warlordba.html
[961218]
Those poor animals are also known as "road kill" - and it never is a pretty sight. If you love watching horror films, though, read on:
&& /&%%%%\ (@@@@# (%%%%## &&&%% %%& #@@ ..0&&.. %%% &&&%%% \% .(@). #@@@ /$&&&&&88\ $$%% /&&@%%% .@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@&&&%%#%%$$$$$$$$$%%%%\ /&&%@/ @@@@@@@@@$$$$@@@@@@@%%%###%%%$$$$$$@@@%%%%%%&&&@@/ "@@@@$$$$$$$$@@@@@@@%%%##%%%$$$@@@@@@@@@%%%%@@/ ^(@)" $$$$ \@@@@@%%%/ @@@@ \@@@@@@/ $$$ "@@*" #@@ @@@@ (##$$$$$/ (@@@@@@/[Artwork by: hgwyman@tricon.net] However, some people think they're cute to put into sigs:
//Z/Z// Ah yes, the new, the improved, |\ //Z/Z// _,,,--,,_ the all purpose "Dead Cat .Sig" /x`. //Z/Z//-'`' ._ \-;;,_ For use when posting or replying |x4- //Z/Z// ) )_ .;.( `'-' to: alt.pet.feline & rec.anm-rights. '---'//Z/Z//'(_/._)-'(_\_) Also available in "hanging from //Z/Z// tree" and "12-wheeler" designs... //Z/Z//[Thanks to Jason Hicks dhicks@cadman.cit.buffalo.edu for this.]
> ___/| _______________________ > \ oO| -----------/ "PTHPHTPHTPHTPHTPHTPH"| > | ~| / `-----------------------' > # `-U' # _________ > \\ || // |"Got Em" )-- > \\/ \// `--------' >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> > "Tire tracks all across his | `' | //~~~~~ Va-roooom > back means I had my fun!" \____// > .__||||__. > `---'`---'[Thanks to "ickie" Karen Cooper for the good driving.]
-- Tigress tigress@tigerden.gun.de _..--''``\--....__ _..,_ ____ _.-'` .-/"; ` ```<._ ``-+'~=. ____ / .-' _..--.'_ \ `(^) ) / / ((.-' (< _ ;.__ ; `~ / / `-._,_)'`` ```--..._____..-' / / Purrrr... C Ray"Old felines never die - they just end up in signatures." At least that's what I thought - until 960620 when I received the following news:/ `````````````````````````````````````````````````
Subject: Excerpted: WhiteBoard News for Wednesday, June 19, 1996 Date: Thu, 20 Jun 1996 11:40:01 -0400 From: glen mccreadyCan you imagine what inmates will do if they are served "pavement pizza"?Clarion County, Pennsylvania: Dead deer are on the menu of the prison board yesterday. The panel is expected to take up a proposal to permit road kill to be fed to inmates. Supporters say the free venison would help round out prisoner's diets and reduce food costs. The practice was common at jails and nursing homes until about 30 years ago, officials say. But Jenni Gainsborough of the American Civil Liberties Union's National Prison Project says her group doesn't know of any prison that serves road kill. [!!] "This among the lowest levels prison officials have sunk to, and they can sink pretty low."
-- * * It's: "SPLAT - MY CAT!" -//-//-_ +>\ --__ Slower than a speeding Landrover 110. Much slower. +>/ _------__ Mortally slower, one might say. Rest in Pieces. -\\-\\-- drh92@aber.ac.uk (Dan Holdsworth) * * Old Chinese Curse: May you live in Interesting TimesSo, do us a favor - don't drink and kill. Thank you!
[960801]
DrFun on roadkills:
http://sunsite.unc.edu/Dave/Dr-Fun/df9706/df970620.jpg
[970718]
The general ideas to circumvent these restrictions is to replace forbidden words with allowed words or to write them differently. Examples: Using rot13 on the text which contains forbidden words [960523]:
-- [Shpx gur Pbzzhavpngvbaf Qrprapl Npg] . . . . . . . . G e r b e n V o s <>< mailto:gerben@cs.vu.nl http://www.cs.vu.nl/%7Egerben/ Be conservative in what you send and liberal in what you accept. -- RFC 791, paraphrased
$ webster troll 2:a lure or a line with its lure and hook used in trolling 3:a dwarf or giant in Teutonic folklore inhabiting caves or hillsMeaning #2 is the correct one here - even though its Usenet meaning is used in the sense of "decoy" or "bait". A "troll" is a more general term, though. Any kind of posting that provokes a followup of some kind might be a troll.
If was often asked (this is a lie) how to followup to a troll when you read it. Well, here is one possible way:
Subject: Re: Troll. From: scary@netaxs.com (j.serdy) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Ian Porter (Ian@zx81.demon.co.uk) wrote: : This is a troll. this is not a flame
Recognizing a signature as warlord bait is not always easy. This signature is a fairly easy one:
-- __ /_/| /\ | || __ /\ \ | || /_/\ / \ \ | ||___ / \ \ __ / /\ \/_ | |/__/| / /\ \/ /\ /_/\ \ \/ /_/| |_____|/ / /\/ / /\ \ / \ \ \ ___|/ \ \/ / / \ \ / /\ \ \ \ \/ \__/ / /\ \/ \ \/ \ \ \/ / \/ / \ /\ \/ \/| /| \ \/\/ |_|/ ______\_|/ _______ /_______/| /______/| |______ |/ | ___ || /_/ /| | | | | |/ _|__ |/\neil.pawson@smallworld.co.uk| \ \ / / /____\ \/| \ \_/ / |_______|/ \___/ /\ ____ /\ \ / / / / \/| / /_/ / /\ || ___ ______ / \ \ / \/ |/ /__/\ /_____/| / /\ \ \ / /\ / / _ \ \ |_ _|/ \/_/\ \ \ \ \/ / / /_\ \ \ | || \ \/ \__/ / _____ \ \ | ||_ \/ / / / \ \/ /| |_/| \/_/ \/ |_____|/
And here is the list as of 940216:
From: gmcquary@Ingres.COM (George F. McQuary) Subject: ADMIN: HotPW Message-ID: <1994Feb16.213158.4853@pony.Ingres.COM> Date: 16 Feb 94 21:31:58 GMT House of the Perpetually Warlord tenant List -------------------------------------------- * alex@bilver.uucp (Alex Matulich) * axjb@dcs.ed.ac.uk (Anthony Bailey) baseball@ncar.ucar.edu (Colorado Rockies logo) * brianb@natinst.com (Br!an Bloom) * bdb@becker.GTS.ORG (Bruce Becker) (Mr. AEIOU) * crp5754@erfsys06.ca.boeing.com (chris payne) * destill@mtu.edu (Stealth Dave) * dmatt@iastate.edu (Mr. Rock Out Naked) * DOBENSON@ua1vm.ua.edu (Joe Demon) * earle@poseur.JPL.NASA.GOV (Greg Earle) edsall@iastate.edu (David M Edsall) (He of the 3-D fish) * eyvind@lise.unit.no (Another four line boring sig. Eat Lawyer!) Frank@rover.uchicago.edu (Very bland) gberigan@cse.unl.edu (The Crab Head thingie) * gio@wcl.bham.ac.uk (Giovanni Ciampa, a man with saucer eyes) * gxas@dcs.ed.ac.uk (Gavin Scott) * hahn@newshost.lds.loral.com (Karl Hahn, Mr. Chicken) * higgins@fnalb.fnal.gov (Bill Higgins-- Beam Jockey) house@acsu.buffalo.edu (MST3K sig) ibanez@ac.dal.ca (Oh no, here comes the bass solo!) jittlov@gumby.cs.caltech.edu (Mike Jittlov, the egocentric bore) * jym@mica.berkeley.edu (Jym Dyer) * julian@sun-1.cs.uct.ac.za (Julian Hansen) kartano@vipunen.hut.fi (Mikko Kartano) kayotae@mindvox.Phantom.com (Erik M Blackwolf, out in the woods drumming again) kebarnes@msuvx1.memst.edu (Ken Barnes, a way ugly conservative quote machine) kludge@u.washington.edu (Moonman) kv07@iastate.edu (Warren Kurt vonRoeschlaub) lsjumb@leland.Stanford.EDU (Stanford Band) lightnin@bigwpi.WPI.EDU (A man who ran short in his letter 'g' collection) mel@maddog.ece.nd.edu (Melvin Gladstone) ndr@tazboy.jpl.nasa.gov (Niles D. Ritter, The cause and effect) ngsippel@miavx2.ham.muohio.edu (Norman "Muddy" Stimpy) paull@plasma.co.uk (Paul Lee) peter@sugar.neosoft.com (Peter "wolf-boy" DaSilva) philip@research.canon.oz.au (Philip Craig) raj@netcom.com (Roger Lee and the state of Tennessee. Yawn) RICHARDVANCE@delphi.com (Richard Vance of the jumbled alphabet) rswiftrw@cc.curtin.edu.au (Rod Swift) scottk@lerc.nasa.gov (Scott Klosterman and his big sausage font) shannon@inter.com (Steve Shannon and the MST3K theater) spt@waikato.ac.nz (Simon Paul Travaglia) stirling@ozrout.uucp (Stirling Westrup) (Mr. Bungee Sideways) tabn3@isuvax.iastate.edu (Griffy) walker@unx.sas.com (Doug Walker and his beer stein) walrus@bessel.umd.edu (Grig Larson) warren@nysernet.org (Random sig of the form: The - is - but the - is -) weston.beal@sun.com (Weston Beal, confusing the Sun logo with a ninja star) z_coolidgeas@ccsvax.sfasu.edu (AKANE TENDOU, anime fan) zarthac@cs1.bradley.edu (Matt Simmons, Micky Mouse Monorail) -- George F. McQuary "He is mad, bad and dangerous to know." -Lady Caroline LambJorn Barger jorn@MCS.COM checked on these people on 960504 (Message-ID: <4mg2ao$2pl@Venus.mcs.com>) and could not find any posts by the people marked with '*'.
-- cerberus@ginch.dial.umd.edu, cerb@espresso.eng.umd.edu http://ginch.dial.umd.edu/ Copyright Dave "Cerberus" Paper 1995, All rights reserved. Microsoft Network and/or America Online are prohibited from redistributing this message in any form, in whole or in part. License to distribute this message is available to Microsoft Network and/or America Online for $1000.00. Reproducing and/or redistributing this message without permission constitutes an agreement by Microsoft Network and/or America Online to these terms and an intent to pay the fee for each work reproduced and/or redistributed. License is expressly given to any entity not owned wholly or in part by Microsoft Corporation and/or America Online to reproduce and redistribute this message freely and at no cost.If it ever comes to that then, well, "death of Usenet predicted".
A minimum signature contains only the name and address:
Sven Guckes guckes@math.fu-berlin.deWant to get fancy? Well, there's plenty of room in a 4x80 sig! Take a look at this one:
Sven .----- email: guckes@math.fu-berlin.de IRC: Sveng ____ /Guckes voice: +4930 838-5817 (no FAX) time zone: CET \/ smail: Free University of Berlin "Four lines suffice!" Arnimallee 2-6 / 14195 Berlin / Germany
Subject: AFW: how to spam all newsgroups
From: guckes@math.fu-berlin.de (Sven Guckes) Subject: AFW: Original Subject Line Date: Mon, 4 Aug 1997 12:07:00 +0200 Message-Id: <slrn5ubb42.8hp.guckes@banach.math.fu-berlin.de>
And if you want to compact signatures into a McQ box
then feel free to use the "SigCompactor Bulldozer":
However, if you cannot come up with a warlord - don't bother to post a followup!
You have been warned!
For those of you who cannot think up anything, here are some clues: [960926]
Best of AFW Archive
____
\ i | o|
|>#######
/(_______)
The SigCompactor Bulldozer
Posting Followups on AFW
AFW gets the usual amount of weird posts, ie ads, spams,
THIS IS A FLAME
____________________________________________________________________________
Dear
[ ] asshole [ ] fag [ ] ignorant snot [ ] prick
[ ] nerd [ ] Elvis [ ] lonely masturbator [ ] computer geek
[ ] retard [ ] sycophant [ ] David Sternlight
You are being flamed because
[ ] you continued a boring useless stupid thread
[ ] you repeatedly posted to the same thread that you just posted to
[ ] you repeatedly posted the same article
[ ] you posted a homework assignment
[ ] you posted a "test"
[ ] you used vi and left a whole bunch of editing garbage on the screen
[ ] you posted a request for an article which was posted three times
in the past week
[ ] you claimed to have the original GGBJ
[ ] you posted some sort of religious crap that doesn't belong in this group
[ ] you posted an article that was not funny, unoriginal and very boring
[ ] your mother dresses you funny
To recant, you must
[ ] actually post a humorous article
[ ] give up all your worldly possessions and become a Tibetan monk
[ ] go to the public library and try to do your own homework
[ ] hang yourself by the big toe for 72 hours
[ ] abstain from sex for a month (shouldn't be too hard for you)
[ ] shave your head, paint a target on it, and go to Iraq
[ ] give your MP (Congressman in U.S.A., I guess) a donation of
three hemp plants to decorate his office
[ ] become politically correct and demand that manholes be renamed
to peroffspringopenings
[ ] cut your balls (or breasts, if you're a woman) off
[ ] _________________________________________________
Thank you for the time you have taken to read this, and please desist from
the offending behaviour that led to this flame.
_____________________________________________________________________________
END FLAME
1) /dev/null
2) misc.misc
3) misc.test
4) alt.flame
5) alt.slack
6) alt.discordia
7) alt.sex.hello-kitty
8) alt.society.neutopia
9) alt.religion.kibology
10) alt.sci.physics.plutonium
11) alt.ted.frank.troll.troll.troll
12) cabal.config
13) rec.org.mensa
14) all of the above
[Thanks to Hong Ooi hong@magna.com.au for the list.]
----------------------------- ALT.FAN.WARLORD FORM ----------------------------
YOUR SIGNATURE IS:
___ WIDER THAN 80 COLUMNS LONG OR LONGER. PLEASE ADJUST.
___ OVER 4 LINES, THE NET STANDARD.
___ MORE THAN TWICE THE NET STANDARD OF 4 LINES IN SIZE.
___ FAR LARGER THAN ANY WORTHWHILE COMMENTARY OF WHICH YOU MAY BE CAPABLE.
___ YOU HAVE ___ SNAIL MAIL ADDRESSES WHICH NO ONE REALLY USES.
___ YOU HAVE ___ PHONE NUMBERS FOR PEOPLE TO USE IN PRANK CALLS.
___ YOU HAVE ___ BEEPER NUMBERS FOR PEOPLE TO USE IN PRANK CALLS.
___ YOU HAVE LISTED MORE THAN ONE EMAIL ADDRESS.
ARE YOU REALLY EXPECTING PEOPLE TO SEND EMAIL TO YOU IN TRIPLICATE?
YOUR SIGNATURE CONTAINS :
___ RUSH QUOTE.
___ UGLY BORDER.
___ LAME LOGIN NAME.
___ STUPID SELF-QUOTE.
___ OBNOXIOUS UNREADABLE FONT.
___ STUPIDLY LARGE DISCLAIMER.
___ TOO MUCH WHITE SPACE. CAN THIS BE REDUCED TO REACH THE 4 LINE LIMIT?
___ LAME ASCII GRAPHIC OF (Choose all that apply):
__ AMIGA CHECK
__ AUSTRALIA
__ BICYCLE
__ COMPANY LOGO
__ SWORD
__ USS ENTERPRISE
COMMENTS:
___ YOU HAVE GREATLY MISUNDERSTOOD THE PURPOSE OF A SIGNATURE FILE.
___ YOU HAVE GREATLY MISUNDERSTOOD THE PURPOSE OF ALT.FAN.WARLORD
___ YOU HAVE GREATLY MISUNDERSTOOD THE PURPOSE OF USENET.
___ YOU MUST HAVE SPENT YOUR ENTIRE LIFE IN A SKINNER BOX TO BE THIS CLUELESS.
___ THIS HAS BEEN WARLORDED BEFORE.
Best of AFW
For those of you who rather "surf" than "read news"
I have collected some posts from AFW as examples.
However, do not think that these posts are "instructions" for warlording.
Do not replicate this stuff.
Before you post try to think of something original, give it your own style.
Impress us!
Remember the words of the Borg: "You will be assimilated!"
Whatever your reasons, sooner or later you will join the
Dark Side of Usenet:
http://cgi-student.nada.kth.se/cgi-bin/d95-hsv/lycan?dark.html
And if you still think that big signatures are a cool thing then take care! Or else...
_____ |/ | .____ | \o/ |/ 'o | O | /O\ | // | /|YHBW! LTBFYPW! HAND!
Sven Guckes
<afw@guckes.net>
www.guckes.net/afw/ |
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