The Trustees of the Jordan FAQ Association proudly presents:

The Canonical List of YKYBRTMRJWisms.

YKYBRTMRJW

You Know You've Been Reading Too Much Robert Jordan When...

From: (Jeffrey Trigilio)

you read about Rogaine and all you can think of is an aura of glory to come.
you go to an Italian restaurant, and the waiter tells you how beautiful your wife looks this evening, says 'bella' and you want to smack him for calling your wife a horse [or for implying she looks like Jain Farstrider, because after all Bela is Jain reborn, or perhaps the avatar for the DO]"
you hear an ad for a GM dealership which mocks a daytime soap opera and does its rendition of "As the Wheel Turns", and then you want a lawsuit by TOR for infringement.

From: (Joe "Uno" Shaw)

you accuse that Tolkien guy of ripping off TEotW.
you add a Jordan nickname to your finger information.
the "loony ideas" start seeming reasonable.
you flame someone for posting non-Jordan material in rasfw.
you refer to chopsticks as 'sursa', or coffee as 'kaf'.
your spellchecker's personal dictionary contains Tel'aran'rhiod, Manetheren, Cairhien and Alguenya.
and it never prompts you to correct misspellings of them because you never misspell them.
you hear yourself say "Blood and bloody ashes!"
you refer to your husband/SO as Warder.
you refer to your wife/SO as your Aes Sedai.
you think of David Koresch as a False Dragon.
you use the word 'goat-kissing' [You know who you are.]
you enter your favorite bookstore, and the clerks tells you they don't have the next WoT book yet, before you open your mouth.
you threaten to balefire someone.
you "*sniff*"
you sign your Jordan nickname instead of your real name.
you decide to abort a follow-up to a post because the only thing you added was to nitpick that the plural of "stedding" is "stedding", not "steddings". (shamefully, a true story)
you go to see the movie Wolf just to see the Wheel of Time books.

From: John Novak

shit happens (as it often does) to you, and you simply shake your head and think/say "The Wheel weaves as the Wheel wills." (I've actually said it, and gotten some strange looks.)
you start thinking of the Caralain Grass as your homeland.
your first choice for naming a Linux box is 'manetheren'
you see that outfit of He Who Was Called Prince, and immediately cry out loud, "Darkfriend!! You wear the Dragon's Fang! Darkfriend!"
you use the term 'twitchskirt' in conversation.
you're wandering around the Jubilee Olde English Faire, and you see a kid with red hair, cropped short, except a tail down to his shoulders, and you look for the black veil. Then you think, "Aiel? Aiel aren't period..."

From: J. Hall

you code a mud, and the first area you create is the Blight, and as a gag you send Lanfear after people.

From: Pam "TNSTARTMRJ" Korda

you change your Organization header to something like "White Tower" or "the Blight."
...you see the beginning of Babylon 5 , which starts "it was the dawn of the third age of mankind" and you start carrying on about "a wind rose in the mountains...the wind was not _the_ beginning, but it was _a_ beginning.
...you start referring to your friend Jen as "the one true."
...you clai that TNSTARTMRJ.

From: Richard Wang

...your roommate asks you to change the channel and you start screaming, "I will dance to your tune no longer, Aes Sedai! There is nothing between us, you hear? Nothing!"

From: Michael Steeves

...your professor assigns homework, and you sneer at him "The Car'a'carn is not a wetlander king!"

From: Erica Liebman Sadun

...during a biking trip, coming across hills, you shout "At last! The spine of the world!"
...your favorite cadence songs are "I'm down in the bottom of a well" (sung to hole in the middle of the bread) and "jak o' the shadows"
...you constantly refer to Stephano as Ishamael, Spammi as Faolin, Alan as Be'lal, John Black as Galad, Bo as Gawyn, Billi as Egwene, etc.
...you enter people's pantries, looking for beer, and start giggling hysterically.
...you make fresh sauces from tomats and serve zemai to your warder.
...you make occasional references to a member of your committee as "The Dark One" and to your advisor as "The Great Lord of the Thesis".
...you end up explaining you feel more character affinity to Verin than Viren and the people you are talking to...understand.
...people ask you which area you are in and you say "Brown"
...you name your bicycle "Mandarb"
...you read YKYBRTMRJW as YK......W with a recognizable shape
...you see a house advertisement with 4 Bedrooms, 2 BA and you say to yourself "I hope that Verin's not one of them"

From: Viren R. Shah

...I probably feel more "character affinity" to Verin than to myself.
...your default icon titles/xterm titles are:
- For communications packages (Seyon, Kermit, etc): Tel'aran'rhiod
- For Word Processors (MSWord, Emacs, Interviews): Rhuidean [Don't ask me why Rhuidean is associated with Editors -- might as well ask me who killed JoaR]
- For Games (Doom, Civilization,etc) : Dance the Spears
- Virtual Desktops: named after Aiel Holds ("Cold Rocks", etc)
...your Office doesn't have your name on it, it says: " Far Aldazar Din" "Welcome to the 3-fold Land"
...the Board in your Office has had foretellings from tWoT scrawled on there since last fall, and you haven't erased it since.
...there's a note below the foretelling saying that you will dance the spears with anyone who erases the board.
...you name a FreeBSD box "car-a-carn" until all those DFs out there complain that it is too hard to type in. *Imagine that!*
...You pass your Master's orals, and you think:
"I won! I beat him. No more "I win again, Lews Therin" " *blink* "I'm sorry to inform you that the committee has decided after lengthy discussion that you have not shown the necessary qualifications to pass the Master's qualifiers." *There's nothing else for me to do...Sheath the Sword!* *blink*

From: Joseph K Mcallister

...you stop thinking of getting a significant other and start thinking about getting a warder/AS.
...you understand someones .sig file when it says: ====#include ====
...you read Erica Sadun & think that she is intimately involved with the one power.
...you see redheaded people and think.. No, they aren't tall enough for TRUE Aiel.

From: Larry Hauser

...you're in for your annual performance review and you sense your boss reaching for the void.

From: Judy Ghirardelli

...you refer to the obnoxious girls that live above you as Trollocs (As in, "Tom, those d*mn trollocs woke me up again in the middle of the night!").
...you refer to a platter of salami, cheese, spiced turkey, with some honey mustard as a "Tar Valon Platter" (After the platter that was served to Mat after he was healed).
...you refer to your softball bat as Callandor.
...you find yourself contemplating just what Ajah you would choose
...the weather in DC 2 weeks ago made you think "This must be what it feels like in the Three Fold Land!"
...you start to wonder about when it might be appropriate to start calling bookstores asking if the next WoT book is in.
...you by mistake write in your latest draft "but these regions do no suffer from this problem"

From: Dave Oldridge

...you keep looking for the "i" in Chad's name.
...people with names like Demandred start showing up in your dreams.

From: Greg Ries

...the electrical power shuts down during a particularly bad storm and you yell, "I've been stilled!" Of course, it typically turns out that you've only been shielded. :-)
...you would REALLY rather say/think smallclothes than underwear
...you call a coprocessor an angreal.

From: Don Harlow

...you're awakened at 1:45 in the morning by the floor rippling and the walls rocking and the lamp falling off the top of the TV and, as you're waking up, you mutter: "Damn it, Rand, go back to sleep!"

From: Jacob C Kesinger

....you go go a local grocery store catering to cross-border shoppers (from Canada) and see a sign reading "Duty has never been lower" and think "Yes, but it's still heavier than a mountain".

From: Bill Garrett

...everytime you see a paper by Steven Hawking, you hear yourself mutter, "Ta'veren!"
...You have a t-shirt that says: My parents went to Tear and all they got me was this lousy jerkin!

From: Clay Bruce Blankenship

...you get a data file in TAR (Tape ARchive) format and you think it refers to Tel'aran'rhiod.
...you know the names of the horses of all the characters.
...A large black dog runs in front of your car at night and you think it is a Darkhound. (I was listening to the audiobook of tFoH at the time!)
...you see a license plate that reads "L LUCA" and you wonder if it is Valan's brother's.

From: Chris Miller

...you see a courtyard filled with ugly twisted modern sculpture strewn about and think of ter'angreal...

From: Brian Postow

...you are sitting around and when a gust of wind blows through your first thought is "... It wasn't the beginning. .... but it was _a_ beginning."
...you read stonedog@aol.com as a poster and think "hey, neat, someone faked their from line to be COMPLETELY jordanesque!"

From: Rich Mlodoch

...while checking in at the Days Inn, you offer to juggle and play a flute inthe bar in return for a room and a plate of food in the coffee shop.

From: Clint Hepner

...when you understand each and every article posted to this thread...
...you see a dogprint in hardened concrete, and you immediately look around for Darkhounds.

From: Scott Collins

...you are told that the cryptic error message INCFAD in the software trouble report you just received is short for "Incoming Fade", and your first reaction is to reach for the Void.

From: Gary Greenbaum

...you pass the White Tower restaurant (a burger joint in Baltimore) and you want to stop to see if any cute novices are back in the kitchen cleaning pots.
...when someone asks you for directions, your first thought is to say, "You must go to Rhuidean."
...you see a car with license number FY 1122 and try to decide if that was before or after Artur Hawkwing . . .

From: Kent Worsnop

...when you start changing Monty Python skits to fit the characters in the books: "Shut up, Shut up, Shut up. Sex. Sex. Sex. We've got to get sex into it. Okay there's a nude woman in the snow in an igloo. Now we need the Prophecies in there. Okay theres' a nude woman in an igloo with the Dragon. Too sexy put the Seanchan there that'll make the curse of it." (Translated from Monty Pythons "String" sketch)

From: Scott Seibel

...after mowing the lawn on a hot summers day, you can really go for a cup of spiced, mulled wine.
...you read in the Austin paper "Fain Captured!", and you immediately wonder if Trollocs are going to be taking the stand in his defense.

From: Daniel Gottesman

...when you think "male bonding" is something that Aes Sedai of the Green Ajah do.

From: Andrew Grimes

...you thought to yourself, "Those Illuminators sure outdid themselves this year on the 4th of July!"
...you took your kids to the zoo to see the weird s'redit.
...you swore, "Burn me!" when the air conditioner in your car went out and you're afraid to take it in because of all the foolish, wool-headed freon regulations making the repairs cost as much as the bloody car is worth.

From: Marcus Popetz

...you're driving down an interstate and see a sign for Moraine view State Park and you pull of to see if Sweet really had the right idea for the cover art.

From: Tanya Koenig

...You see a sign for "Two Rivers Business Park" and say: "So that's what Perrin and Faile have been up to."

From: Mike Lemons

...There is a Japanese sweet wine called mirin. When I was asked at a picnic what was in the marinade, I stated, ". . . and one tablespoon of Lanfear."
... The Tandem programmers that work across the aisle from me produce big stacks of computer printouts for no apparent reason. I call them The Treekillers.

From: Ruchira Datta

...you see the license plate "HRN HNTR" and think "Boy, those poor misguided Hunters of the Horn sure are going far afield."

From: James Yu

...when using the word "besotted" gives a mild thrill.