Forbidden:

Alcohol
Drugs
Any association with Drow
Helping the Hellenes-except for those who worship Hera, or are cute.  

Required:

Wearing the color red at all times-openly visible.  (It is the God's favorite 
color.)
Bowing towards Alfheim and praying at sunrise, noon, and sunset.  
Killing on drow at sight.

Customs:
Polygamy and polyandry are legal, and homosexuality is perfectly allowable.  
Because of the tangled marriage and family ties, the priests of the Grey 
Elves are also legal experts.  Lawsuits over inheritances, divorces, and child 
custody can go on for generations-which isn't too big of a deal, since the Grey
Elves live for centuries.  Vrba's father was involved in a lawsuit that had
been handed down since the time of the first Vrba.


Holy Book
The Book of Taelysn, or How to Get Ahead in the Afterlife

Legends:  
The Siege of Turqoisestone
Zeus was Bred on Mount Olympus, But He's Just a Crumb to the Grey Elves...
The Legend of the Creeping Death and the Chosen


The Siege of Turquoisestone

The army of the Grey Elves and their allies, led by Vrba the Elder, had trapped
the army of the First Creeping Death in the castle of Turoisestone.  But,
yea, verily, they had run out of grub, and would soon be like to starve.  
Vrba called a council of war, and there was much bitching and whining.  The 
council resolved to quit the siege if supplies could not be found within two
days.  That night, the God of His Forefathers visited Vrba in his sleep.  
"Cheer up, old sod, for an army of orcs and goblins is coming your way.  Defeat
them and your supply problem will be solved-they have food in abundance, water,
and have captured a lot of Earl Grey Elf Tea over the last few months."

The next day, lo, verily, it was as the God of His Forefathers had said.  The 
army of orcs and goblins was slain to a man, and water and Earl Grey Elf tea
was in abundance.  But there was no food.  "How shall we eat?" the army asked
Vrba.  "Let me sleep on it" he said, and popped back into his tent for a 
quick nap.  And, yea, verily, he began to dream.  Unfortunately, he dreamt 
first of his 12 concubines, and was in the midst of, er, you know, when 
the God of His Forefathers walked in.  "Allo, allo, allo, wot's this then, 
a little bit of the old, nudge, nudge, boink, boink, eh?"  Vrba fell to his 
knees (okay, he was already on them in front of his favorite concubine) and 
said "O God of My Forefathers, how shall I feed my army?  The enemy brought no
food with them."  His God laughed and said "Cook them, you git.  They may 
look like total toerags, but they taste just like chicken!  Now bugger off,
I'm feeling randy."  

And so Vrba awoke, and cooked the orcs, naming the meat p'orc, and cooked 
the goblins, naming them sp'aam, and his army was fed.  His allies were 
disgusted, but accepted the neccessity, while his people all knew their god 
had commanded it.  And thus the siege was successful, and the first Creeping
Death was defeated.


Zeus was Bred on Mount Olympus, But He's Just a Crumb to the Grey Elves...

Once, the Greek gods threw a party, not long after Heracles was born, to 
celebrate his birth.  Zeus invited gods from far and wide-including the 
God of Our Forefathers.  Hera attended, though she was displeased to be 
celebrating Zeus' infidelity.  At the party, all and sundry, including the God
of Our Forefathers, drank ambrosia and got quite blitzed, yea, verily,
they were sussed.  Zeus went off with Ganymede to, yea, verily, bugger him
sideways.  Hera ended up dancing with the God of Our Forefathers, and yea, 
verily, they did get it on.  The next day, Zeus found out about it, and 
angrily strode up to Hera.  After hearing of the circumstances, Zeus declared
that Hera had been raped and swore revenge on the God of Our Forefathers and 
his chosen people, and made all the other Olympians join his crusade for 
revenge.

The God of Our Forefathers was ashamed of the trouble he caused (although
Hera held no grudge against him, and had said he was way better than Zeus,
yea, verily), and thus banned the drinking of alcohol and the taking of drugs
by his chosen people, as well as going cold turkey himself.  He tried to make 
amends to Zeus, but found that Zeus wanted him and his chosen people dead.  So
he made  war on the Hellenes, except for those who worship Hera or are cute.

The Legend of the Creeping Death and the Chosen...

In the dim mists of history, a god of evil did decide to send his avatar
into the world, and to make a mortal his servitor, the Creeping Death, and 
to charge said servitor with the task of bringing darkness and decay (as well
as said evil god) into dominion over all the world.  

Many of the gods stood aloof, caring naught of this scheme, for humanity
had disgusted them during the whole Egyptian deal.  But the God of Our
Forefathers cared-for the first target of the Creeping Death was Alfheim.
And yea, verily, he (and some other gods who wish to remain anonymous) did
pick champions, called the chosen.  The chosen gathered a great host, and
defeated the Creeping Death and his hordes at the siege of Turqoisestone, after
a Great War that lasted 4 and twenty years, yea, verily.  

The chosen personally slew the Creeping Death in a great fight in the tower of
Turqoisestone, after his army had fled.  Dying, the Creeping Death 
prophesied that he had died, but would rise again.  The gods who sent the 
chosen swore that new chosen would form to face the Creeping Death each time
he came back.  

The bards with the army of the Allies sang a song of the Creeping Death
to warn future generations.  

And each generation has its own band of chosen, because none but the evil
god know when the Creeping Death will sally forth again.

The Song of the Creeping Death

This song refers to the circumstances of the Great War of the Creeping Death.

Many Grey Elves were employed at that time in the service of the Pharoah
of Egypt, acting as magicians, teachers, and in many other careers, since, by
Egyptian law, they were barred from ascending the throne.  Pharoah could
trust Grey Elves where he could trust no others, since they could not plot
to sieze the throne.  But he barred them from taking the field of battle:
although generals sometimes plotted against him, an old Egyptian
seer had prophesied that "Egypt's greatest danger before its destruction
will come when the pointy eared one leads its army into battle."  No
Pharoah wanted to risk this.  

But, yea, verily, came upon the land the Creeping Death.  His coming had
been foretold by the great Prophets of the men, Elves, and dwarves.  
The Greeks knew of him as Kallikazantros Hemgemonis-the Hegemon of the 
Ghouls.  The Grey Elves called him Creeping Death.  The Egyptians called
him Goshen.

The Creeping Death gathered in strength on the borders of Egypt.  Armies
gathered under the leadership of Pharoah's son, the chosen one of his god,
Osiris, to contend against the Creeping Death.  As the armies gathered
to march into the land controlled by the Creeping Death (the land of Goshen,
as the Egyptians called it), Vrba came before the Pharoah.  "Pharoah, let my
people go!"  he said.  "Why?" said Pharoah.  "You can't just get off
contracts that easy in Egypt, you know.  Don't make me invoke the 
T'ft'H'rtley Act!"  "No, not that kind of go" said Vrba "We want to go
fight the Creeping Death."  "No way" replied Pharoah "You know the prophecy.
Besides, my son is leading the army.  What more help do I neeed.  Why just
the other day, he was..."

And yea, verily, Pharoah did bore the living hell out of Vrba with stories
about his boy.  But, within a week, the heralds returned.  The Pharoah's
army had marched to the Land of Goshen-and had been defeated.  His son had
been captured, and sacrificed to the evil god who the Creeping Death 
served.  

Pharoah was sorely stricken-but he was even worse stricken when the magic
of the Creeping Death was unleashed.  The prisoners taken in battle were
sacrificied at the headwaters of the Nile (which were in the Land of Goshen):
blood ran strong and red down the Nile.  This sacrifice powered the curses
that the Creeping Death laid upon Egpyt.  First there was three days and
nights of darkness.  Then there was a hail of fire.  Then there was a rain
of dwarves (who, angered that they had been torn form their homeland by
the foul one, joined the forces fighting him).  Then the Creeping Death's 
army marched forward, sacking cities, and sacrificing the first-born men
in each city he captured.  Memphis fell, as did Gaza and Aswan, and the armies
of the Creeping Death were soon before Thebes.  

Finally, Pharoah consented to see Vrba again (having refused to see him
every time Vrba had petitioned for an audience).  He spoke to Vrba thus:
"I will let thy people go to the field of battle.  In my dreams last
night, I was standing in this very hall, when a thrush began flapping
around.  Irritated, I flung a torch at the thrush, setting it on fire.
Sudenly, a voice came from the burning thrush.  'You asshole, what did
you set me on fire for?  I am a messenger of Osiris, come to tell you the
true meaning of the prophecy.  Egypt will be in its greatest danger before
its destruction when the pointy eared one leads your armies.  That's
because you will appoint Vrba to lead your armies: Egypt is in its greatest
danger before its destruction (which will come later).  Vrba will lead your
armies, and defeat the Creeping Death, averting this danger.'  So you
shall lead my armies!"  

And Vrba led those armies to victory at Turqoisestone.  


Bat Dung is really neat!  Bat Dung smells like Sheet!  We love Bat Dung!

The Grey Elves have many purification rituals involving bat dung (excepting 
the Great Ritual of Purification which those who been spirtually contaminated
must undergo in Alfheim-that involves flaming tarrasque dung, of which the 
Grey Elven High Priests have the world's largest supply-but that is a 
different story).  The origin of bat dung in purification rituals is simple...

After defeating the Creeping Death, Vrba led the Allies against the foulness
that had retreated beneath the Earth: namely, the Drow.  A fierce battle 
was waged against them in the part of the Underworld known as Pellucidar.
During the battle, Vrba and his bodyguards were cut off from the main body
of their army, and pursued into a large cavern, which was full of some noxious
substance.  Having no other place to hide, Vrba and his men dived into the 
substance.  Submerged up to their necks, they hid in the the crevices of the 
large cavern.  The Drow soon arrived, looked very disgusted, and left.  From
that day forth, due to its ability to repel Drow (who have very sensitive 
noses), bat dung has been used in the purification rituals of the Grey 
Elves.

There is a secondary story, namely that Vrba and co. cleaned themselves
very thoroughly after being rescued, and that the cleaning off of the bat dung 
is the really purifying element, but theologians are divided on the issue.


The Vision of Vrba the Lesser

Yeah, verily, Vrba the Lesser and his companions (of whom two are the 
Righteous Infidels Erose Wappady and Hal) were vexed by the Drow, who were
preparing to do all sorts of foul things to the world at large, and especially
to Elspeth, the Not-So-Righteous Infidel whom they had kidnapped.  Vrba 
slept on the problem, and was visited by his God.  Vrba found himself on a
golf course, yea, on a putting green, in the presence of the God of His 
Forefathers.   Vrba the Lesser threw himself on the ground, paying homage 
to the God of His Forefathers.  "Umm, could you move" said the God of His     
Forefathers "I won't be able to make this putt if you're bowing down there."
Vrba crawled out of the way.  "Ah, that's better," said the God of His        
Forefathers, and then he made the putt.  "I have summoned you here to warn
you of the Drow [although you probably don't need much warning] and to tell 
you how best to defeat them, yea, and to tell you that the dwarves are
down with the Ole G of your Forefathers, yea, verily!  The Drow are using 
cheap knock-offs of the creations of Fender, and you can take out components
to use against them in a most shocking fashion, old bean."  "Which components,
O God of My Forefathers?"  "These," said the God of His Forefathers, as he
produced a wiring schematic and pointed them out with exactitude, "And 
remember, the Drow have very conductive blood due to the high iron content
they've got pumping through their veins.  Remember the words of the bard
Al'annis: 'Isn't it ironic-it's like drow blood on your best red tunic!'"
"Yea, verily, I do remember those words of wisdom, O God of My Forefathers,
for that song was overplayed.  But what's all this about dwarves?"
The God of His Forefathers pulled a 4-platinum (hell, he can't exactly
have a 4 iron, can he now) and made an awe-inspiring chip shot before replying.
"Well, until now I've only thought of them as good for the odd toss here and
again, you know-amazing how far you can fling a dwarf, innit?  But they have
ceased paying any heed to their Goddess of Ugliness some three or four 
centuries, and she left their heavens in despair.  I'm shagging her left and
right."  Vrba was shocked and said "O God of My Forefathers, how can you boink
a dwarf?  I mean, they look like toerags!"  The God of His Forefathers smote
him with mighty swing of a sand wedge, and said "They're ugly to be sure,
but their idea of what's ugly looks pretty good to me, if you get my drift."
Vrba, sorely smitten by a headache, said "Ouch.  Nudge, nudge, wink, wink,
say no more."  "Yea, verily, old sod," said the God of His Forefathers.  "Now,
dwarves are cool, all Drow's is fools, and that's my rules."  "O God of My 
Forefathers, don't quit your day job to go into poetry", said Vrba.  At this
the O God of His Forefathers rapped him on the knucles with a 9 platinum,
and said "Don't be such a wanker.  Now get to work!"

---
Editor's note:

In order to reconcile the Grey Elf history with that of Alfheim in
general, the tales of Vrba the Great must take place prior to the
unification of the Elven lands by Nuada Silverhand. -Pam