DC Darkfriend Social

November 12, 1994

Same deal as before: attached below is the unadulterated report I wrote after the social. Ivis brought a camera, with which Hawk took this group photo. Hawk always insists upon taking the picture... something about an excuse to not be in the photo and pictures stealing her soul.

I was really hoping someone else would've posted a summary of the DC
Social already, but it seems that I have become the de-facto reporter
of events.  As I started to write this out, I realized that I remembered
far less than I thought I did.  I will rely on the other eleven attendees
to fill in points I miss.  Please forgive the length of this summary; I
haven't had enough time to write a shorter one.

The 8,397th gathering (is it really that many? seems like it) of the
DC Darkfriends was held on Saturday, November 12, at the Rio Grande
restaurant in Arlington, VA.  That's right folks, it's the "DC" group
but it's only met *in* DC once, if ever.  It seems that a certain Very
Small Forsaken is afraid to walk the streets of our fair Capital City
after sundown, even with two warders adjunct to watch over her.
What's she afraid of, anyway?  Drugs?  Hey, no problem there, mayor-
elect Marion Barry is getting drugs off the streets -- one gram at a
time.  (Heard that one from Chad, not sure where he got it.)

Attendees at this social were Judy "Mesaana" Ghirardelli, Bill "If you
say Padan I'll kill you" Garrett, Hawk "I hate my real name" Sedai,
Chad "Oilcan" Orzel, Mike "I hate my jordan nickname" Macchione, Robert
Holt, Ivis "Secret Ajah Gal" Bohlen, Joe "ONJL Uno" Shaw, Brad "Puppy"
Smith, Mike Ikeda, Mat "Yes, only one T" Glassman, and Jim "Corwin2"
Folsom.  The group amounted to 12 in all -- we were just one person
short of that magic number 13.  A few of us considered the $37 beer 
challenge.  We found out that since beers were $3/bottle at Rio Grande,
one would have to drink 13 beers to exceed $37.  That magic number 13
again... Enough beers to turn *anyone* to the mental shadow.  In the
end, though, nobody drank that many beers, so Melissa's record still

There were only two casualties at this social -- one biting victim, one
slapping victim.  More on this later.  But first, let me provide a
disclaimer: I do NOT have a secret crush on John Novak!

The first half dozen or so who arrived all knew eachother, so quick
greetings, a few beers, and a few baskets of chips and salsa were all
we needed to build a lively little discussion group in the bar while
we waited for the others to arrive.  We noticed one shadowy character
lurking around the area.  He approached us, asking, "Is this the group
of 13+1?"  "That depends," I answered.  "Are you looking for a bunch
of people you've never met before?"  He was.  "Does it mean anything
to you when I point out that this person [Ivis] is wearing a black
shawl?"  It did, and after handshakes all around, we welcomed Robert
Holt to Darkfriends Anonymous.  "I've been walking in the Light for
seven months," I said, passing him a candle.  "There is none so deep
in the Shadow that he cannot be brought back to the light," Ivis
intoned gravely.  After a few more arrivals and a $6 headstart on
running up that $37 bar tab, the meeting was underweigh.

We didn't discuss the series much as we ate our dinner.  Instead, we
chatted about ourselves and the newsgroup.  Rob Holt told us how he
pissed off Robert Jordan and landed on his shitlist.  Judy gave us
the gory details of her unfortunate meeting with RJ.  She might as
well have asked him to explain a Nine Horse Hitch.  Incidently, most
of us agreed that "Easing the Badger" is a more lewd double entendre'
than NHH.

Judy taunted us all some more about the Surprise Mystery Guests (SMG(tm))
she's inviting to the January DC Social.  Suggestions for whom we'd be
most surprised to see were Robert Jordan (of course), Patrick
Nielsen-Hayden, Roy, and Bela.  We dragged Roy's name through the mud,
of course.  Ivis commented that she'd have to come to every DC social
from now on, for fear that we'd say such horrible things about her
if she weren't present.  It's a good thing she left early; we sure had
lots of nasty things to say about her!  [Make liberal use of smileys]

Is Bela pregnant?  We discussed this.  I wanted to know _how_ Bela was
supposed to have gotten pregnant.  Was it in T'A'R, like some people
suspect with Egwene?  "No," Judy pointed out, "she's just been messing
around with Mandarb."

We quickly began with the pasttime that the DC Darkfriends are famous
for: Funny Quotes Taken Out of Context!!  It all started with "Ivis is
ogling Mat!" and branched into a discussion of whether Mat's name was
really Mat, or just Matt.  He provided identification to show that he
truly does have just one T in his name.  "He has to be ta'veren -- he
has a good driver's license picture," said one person.  "He looks like
a guy I dated for 4 years," added another.

The theme quote this time:  "Balefire me -- see if I care!"  

Anyone who's still reading at this point might remember that Rio Grande
is home of the infamous chalkboard in the men's bathroom.  Before we
arrived, the chalkboard was covered with such typical restroom drivel
as "For a good time call Carlita 555-1234", but by the time we left
it bore:

    - Fermat's last theorem, replete with note that "I have discovered
      a marvelously elegant proof but I have not the space to write it
      on this chalkboard."
    - a  and "Math is hard" written in response to the above
    - "Lanfear Lives."
    - "I  Novak."  (Don't ask)
    - inside a large heart: "Hawk and Padan"

I'm going to have to kill this Padan guy when I meet him.  He's been
dogging me entirely too much lately.

As we prepared to leave the restaurant, Judy suggested that we sit in
the garden outside the restaurant before heading our separate ways.  She
confessed that she couldn't drive home right then because she'd already
had too much to drink with her one bottle of beer.  "It's easy to get
drunk when you're a Very Small, Very Thin Forsaken."

I don't remember why, but I got bitten.  On the neck.  We had been
discussing the movie adaptation of Anne Rice's "Interview with the
Vampire," but I don't think that's what motivated the attack.  Mike
tried consoling me: "If your neck wasn't so tasty..."  But he seemed
to be relieved, as he soon added "At least now I'm not the only person
who's been bitten at a social."  Later on, Mike got slapped, so he's
one-up on me again.  (I missed the events leading up to the slapping
incident because I was in the men's room, tending to my injured neck,
at the time.)

We posed for the obligatory group pictures, which I'll digitize and
post them when Ivis gets them developed.  They should put to rest the
speculations about how big Chad _really_ is.  As usual, Hawk will
not be appearing; she's concerned that taking pictures steals her

There are lots of other things I could report, but I don't wish to
repeat any of them.  Someone with less shame than I will have to post
them, else they'll be left locked away in the closet of ignominous
obscurity where they belong.

Back to the Darkfriend Socials page

Bill Garrett