From: mloy@indyvax.iupui.edu (Mark Loy) Date: Fri, 21 Jul 1995 14:53:22 -0600 "Hello agin, evryboty...I'm Keith Jackson. Which one wants it...who's number one...dot the eye in myrdraal...it's time for the biggest confrontation of the year. It's the Andoran Dragons, champions of the Light Conference, vs. the Shayol Ghul Shadowspawn, champions of the Dark. Yes indeedy-doody, we've got a real barn burner here for you tonight. This will be the biggest battle since the fall of Manethrin...I'm here at beautiful downtown Randland at majestic Kinslayer Field, the sight of the first ever Tar-min Geddin, Bowl...with me here in the booth is former Notre Dame football coach and all-around knowledgeable guy, Ara Parsegian. Ara...what's your take on this classic conflict between good and evil?" "Great to be here with you, Keith. But I should tell you it's Manetheren and myrdraal's have no eyes." "Okay...but how do you see today's match-up? Can the Dragons actually defeat the Shadowspawn or is the best they can hope for is a tie?" "Well, Keith, I talked with player/coach of the Dragons, Rand al'Thor, about this very subject...here's what he had to say." Ara: Rand, everybody knows by now that you're the Dragon Reborn and quite possibly the strongest weilder of the One Power since back in the Age of Legends...but your presence alone doesn't guarantee victory...and you've been bothered by a reoccuring bout of insanity as well as a rotting anterior crutiate ligament that will require surgery after the season...can you hold out long enough against the taint and can you pull your much undermanned team together to pull off what would be one of the greatest upsets in the history of history? Rand: Well, Ara, I've pretty much got the insanity...Get out!...under control. And the knee is holding up well since Nynaeve...Kill them, Kill them all!...partially healed it a few weeks ago. Of course I've still got the taint...Bubblegum!...to worry about but I should be nearly 100% when I face the Shadowspawn. Ara: Let's talk a little about the Shadowspawn...their coach, the Dark One...is a brilliant tactician and motivator...he's also blessed with the biggest, strongest trolloc offensive line in Randland, the Hogs, which is merely the most brute strength, dominating in the trenches, manhandlers in the game today...not too mention his quarterback, Demandred...and his excellent, all-pro tight end, Shadar Haran...not to mention all the remainging Forsaken, even the dead ones, how to you hope to stand up against what has become the most powerful force for evil in the universe? Rand: Well, Ara, I'm perfectly aware of the level of...I'm not icky, you're icky!...skill possessed by the Shadowspawn, but we're not without weapons, ourselves. In the backfield I have Mat Cauthon at halfback and Perrin Aybara at fullback. And remember, they're both ta'veren so *anything*...Boogers, everybody gets Boogers!... can happen. At wide receiver I have Rhuarc and Aviendha, both with blazing speed and endurance...and at tight end I have an ogier, Loial, who is a devestating pass catcher and not a bad little...You're not Illyena, you're Pinnochio!...blocker in his own right. And as far as offensive lines go, why I'll take my group of warders, led by all-pro Lan Mandragoran, over any trolloc line you want to put on the field. At protecting the quarterback, they can't be beat. Ara: Yes, and with your sa'angreal and Logain holding Callandor, it would seem that you can match up fairly well. But what about the Dark One? You're not a supreme being...and you don't have access to the kind of power that the Creator possesses...so how can you deal with him? Rand: Well, that's the rub, isn't it? How powerful...you bit me, Asswipe!...is the Dark One? Do we have enough force to defeat him? I guess we'll have to wait until the game is over to answer that question. Ara: And what about the famous, "Shadar Haran disappears into a trolloc created shadow, and reappears in the shadow of the goalpost in the end zone" play that the Shadowspawn have run with impunity? Rand: That is a wonderful play, isn't it? To answer your question, I...Gophers in my shorts!...don't know how we'll contain him. Shadar Haran is a real threat. Ara: I also understand that you've filed a formal complaint with the Pattern because you feel the head referee, Padan Fain, is biased against your team. To refute this, Haran recently nailed an even dozen myrdraal to the side of the stadium...do you think you will get a fair shake? Rand: No comment. I don't want to prejudice...Over hill over dale we will hit the dusty trail...my case before the game begins. Let's just say, I reserve the right to address this issue after the contest. Ara: Well, thanks for the interview and good luck today...you'll need it. Rand: You're very welcome...pretty purple phelgm...Mr. Parsegian. I look forward to talking to you after the game. "Whoa my mercy...that Rand is a Hoss...Well the pregame festivities have just about concluded. The Two Rivers High School Fighting Wolves marching band has just concluded their rendition of "Jack of Shadows" and is leaving the field. It's time for the ceremonial breaking of the last seal to the Dark One's prison. To do the honors we have special guest Jain Farstrider. Boy, I bet Rand wishes he had old Jain in there today." "That's it...the final seal is broken, and this game is about to begin. The captains are meeting out at the middle of the field for the coin toss." Padan Fain: Captain of the Dragons, as the designated "away" team you may call the toss. This side is heads, and this side is not...so what do you think, Cauthon...heads, or tails? Mat: Neither...on it's side. Padan Fain: Huh!? Suit yourself, it's your funeral...he,he,he... "Oh my mercy, it looks like the captain for the Dragons has chosen _on it's side_...unheard of! There's the toss...oh my goodness...it *is*...it has landed on it's side! That's one for the books. Well Cauthon has elected to receive...and the Shadowspawn captain, Sammael, has elected to take the wind...yeah, right...as if that matters with all the channellers down on that field. The Shadowspawn have lined up to kick off...and the Dragons are set to receive...back to get the kick is Mat Cauthon. There's the kick...it's a long wobbly one that has driven Cauthon back 5 yards deep into the end zone...he's elected to bring it out...he's at the 5...10...15...20...there's a little seam to the left...25...30...he cuts back against the grain...35...40...45...he's got a hole, he...could...go...all...the...way! He's at the 40...the 35...the 30...25...20...15...10...FUM-BULL! The ball is loose on the field...there's a scramble...the ball squirts out...Oh my! It's bounced right up into Mat's hands, again...he's tip-toeing into the end zone! Touchdown, Dragons! That was the luckiest bounce I have ever seen in all my years in the booth. What about you, Ara?" "Rand called that one...having three ta'veren on his team can't help but help...it looks like they are lined up to go for two." "Rand is under center, there's the snap, he's rolling left...he's pitching back to Perrin...they're going to drag Perrin down from behind...but wait! Rand has opened a gateway and Perrin has just entered it!...that was a brilliant move on his part or else Perrin was going to lose yardage...Several members of the Shadowspawn have opened gateways themselves to go after him. We were afraid this would happen...now the entire Shadowspawn team is going into a gate...and the Dragons are following after...you can see a lot of lightning flashes...and the earth is rumbling with what must be a 4.9 on the Rictor Scale...Well, I guess we've got time for a word from our sponsor." ML