2 Left out in September 1994

Patrick Nielsen Hayden, the Tor Books Man, and Bill Fain Garrett:

PNH: No, it's a signal that I don't work for the real Tor, but for Bizarro Tor! No! Am Bizarro editor, send unsolicited terrible manuscripts to aspiring writers! Send huge sales force nationwide to confiscate and hide bestselling paperbacks! Force Orson Scott Card to erase only extant manuscript of fourth Alvin novel! Go into chain bookstores, turn all competitors' books face out! Bizarro editing am big fun!

BG: You forgot the part about sneaking unbidden into peoples' homes at night and ripping the covers off their Tor paperbacks.

PNH: Cngevpx Avryfra Unlqra : fravbe rqvgbe, Gbe Obbxf : cau@cnavk.pbz

BG: Ah, yes, the old tongue for "Patrick Nielsen Hayden : senior editor, Tor Books : pnh@panix.com".

Alex Irvine & David Wren-Hardin on r.a.sf.w: AR: They [Jordanites] bite not just when cornered, but whenever it is suggested that Robert Jordan is not the second coming of Shakespeare. I do not envy you.

DW-H: Jordan is not flamin' Shakespeare reborn !!! Not everyone has to be a Hero of the Horn you know.

CC Hillyard casts the Wheel of Time movie:
Ingtar Joe Shaw, Darkfriend Borderlander
Ishamael Can there be any doubt the ol'flameface is anybody but 'Oilcan.'
Fain Bill Garrett, who else could make such an abrupt 180 in personality?
First, showing his true colors in a scathing attack on an innocent, and then actually winning her over to his side!
Which means
Alviarin Emily. You should have blasted him when you had the chance.
(and I have it from reliable sources that this private 'apology' was actually a description of certain activities at Shayol Ghul)
Perrin Novak and a certain metallurgist need to battle it out on this one.
Contest rules:
each must sing Coming Home from Tarwin's Gap, one that sounds
most like a stepped-on frog plays Perrin.
Min Pam
Elayne Judy (who seems to have been killed by her exam a couple weeks ago)
Elder Bornhald Don Harlow
Verin Emma Pease
Dena Erica. Anybody who makes available to the net her rendition of Jak o' Shadows has some inborn desire to be a Gleeman. Of course, Dena had talent, so somebody who download her rendition needs to comment.
Farstrider Anybody who I haven't mentioned. Hell, everybody can play him at some point.

to which Oil "Ba'alzamon" Can adds:
Child Byar played with great glee by Sean Hillyard... Unless of course we can get the guy who played Mr. Blue in Resevoir Dogs.

And Pam adds:
Beidomon Roy Navarre. I am sure he would be thrilled tobe Lanfear's partner.

A couple weeks ago I was at an on-site job interview. Over lunch, two employees are explaining to another interviewee and I the sequence of job titles at said company: "Associate MPS, MPS, Senior MPS, Principal MPS, Sr. Principal MPS..." I don't think I'm going to get an offer.... Oh, their definition? Member of the Professional Staff. Joe Shaw

Well, as Pam points out, when writing grant applications, one would do well to avoid phrases like "Release into the world the Source of All Evil [TM]." Use of "Develop a single Power source for both male and female channelers," is encouraged, however, because that falls into the category of "directed research," and hence will be extensively funded... OilCan

On the forthcoming release of LoC:

Joe: "The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass, leaving memories that become as legendary as Roy's lust for Lanfear. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten, like our real work will be when Lord of Chaos is finally released, when the Age that gave it birth comes again...."

Bill: That should be Month, not Age. More specifically, October: "In a month called October by some, a Month yet to come, a Month long past, a breeze rose from the placid shelves of bookstores across the land as crowds sallied forth to procure the Lord of Chaos. It was not the beginning, for there are neither beginnings nor endings to Fandom, but it was *a* beginning."

OilCan: Or, for another angle on the same thing... "In a Month called September by some, a Month yet to come, a Month long past, a wind rose from the bookstores of the land, as managers of Waldenbooks the world over screamed "NO, IT'S NOT OUT YET!!!!" at the vast crowds of Jordanites clogging their stores. The wind was not the beginning, for there are neither beginnings nor endings to the travails of bookstore owners. But it was _a_ beginning..."

Paul Cashman gives us the Robert Jordan Drinking Game: The Robert Jordan Drinking Game: begin reading TFoH with a bottle of your favorite adult beverage nearby. Every time a woman sniffs in the book, take a swig. Winners are those who can finish the book in one sitting. Be sure it's a BIG bottle.

You know you've been reading too much Jordan when:

When you read about Rogaine and all you can think of is an aura of glory to come. Jeffrey Trigilio

Joe "Uno" Shaw:

...you accuse that Tolkien guy of ripping off TEotW.
...you add a Jordan nickname to your finger information.
...the "loony ideas" start seeming reasonable.
...you flame someone for posting non-Jordan material in r.a.sf.w.
...you refer to chopsticks as 'sursa', or coffee as 'kaf'.
...your spellchecker's personal dictionary contains Tel'aran'rhiod, Manetheren, Cairhien and Alguenya.
......and it never prompts you to correct misspellings of them because you never misspell them.
...you hear yourself say "Blood and bloody ashes!"
...you refer to your husband/SO as Warder.
...you refer to your wife/SO as your Aes Sedai.
...you think of David Koresch as a False Dragon.
...you use the word 'goat-kissing' You know who you are.
...you enter your favorite bookstore, and the clerks tells you they don't have the next WoT book yet, before you open your mouth.
...you threaten to balefire someone.
...you "*sniff*"
...you sign your Jordan nickname instead of your real name.

John Novak:

...your first choice for naming a Linux box is 'manetheren'
...when shit happens (as it often does) to you, and you simply shake your head and think/say "The Wheel weaves as the Wheel wills." (I've actually said it, and gotten some strange looks.)
...when you start thing of the Caralain Grass as your homeland.

Richard Wang: ... when your roommate asks you to change the channel and you start screaming, "I will dance to your tune no longer, Aes Sedai! There is nothing between us, you hear? Nothing!"

jhall, aka 'grif' [ - i need a real name here...]: ... you code a mud, and the first area you create is the Blight, and as a gag you send Lanfear after people.

Pam Korda:

...you change your Organization header to something like "White Tower" or "Malkieri Liberation Organization."
...you see the beginning of that sf TV show that starts "it was the dawn of the third age of mankind" and you start carrying on about "a wind rose in the mountains...the wind was not _the_ beginning, but it was _a_ beginning."
...when you start referring to your friend Jen as "the one true." (i.e. Jen Smith==the one true smith)
...when you believe that _The Travels of Jain Farstrider_ is a real book that you read when you were little. A friend of mine actually did this. I told her to go lie down and not think of Roy. She became confused.

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