YOU MIGHT BE CONSIDERED A REDNECK IF . . .

Your front porch collapses and you kill more than six dogs.

You've ever used lard in bed.

A six-pack of beer and watching a bug zapper are quality entertainment.

Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the 
state trooper to kiss her ass.

Your family tree doesn't fork.

Your matchbook doubles as a toothpick.

Your wife has ever worn a tube top to a wedding.

Your neighbors started a petition regarding your Christmas lights.

Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

The main color of your car is "primer".

The most common phrase heard at your family reunion is "What the hell are you 
looking at, shithead".

You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

You had a toothpick in your mouth when your wedding pictures were taken.

There is a stuffed possum mounted in your house.

You have more than two brothers named "Bubba" or "Junior".

You think Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.

Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.

Less than half the cars you own run.


(from SPY magazine)