Subject: You know you're Asian if ...

From: [email-masked] (Larry Kirkwood)
Date: Sat, 20 Mar 1999 19:30:01 PST

I got some of this in the mail, made up the rest.  You need to have 
lived in South-East Asia to get some of the jokes.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE JAPANESE IF...
1. You're obsessed with your hair, your car, and your clothes.
2. You want to marry a Korean American or Chinese American woman
  (males); or you want to marry a white guy (females).
3. You're afraid of black people.
4. You know you are superior to all other Asians.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE KOREAN IF...
1. You smoke and drink too much.
2. You've got a bottle of kimchi in your fridge.
3. You're afraid of black people.
4. You know you are superior to all other Asians.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE CHINESE IF...
1. You think you're the smartest people in the world.
2. You have a pager and cellular phone with you at all times.
3. Today's steamed rice is tomorrow's fried rice.
4. You're afraid of black people.
5. You know you are superior to all other Asians.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE VIETNAMESE IF...
1. You eat at restaurants that have "Pho" on their signboards.
2. You have some relative who is Chinese.
3. You're afraid of black people.
4. You know you are superior to all other Asians.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE FILIPINO IF...
1. You want to be a dancer, a singer, or an actor, even though you 
   have a job as a nurse, a security guard, or an accountant. 
2. Some member of your family is a politician or a movie star. 
3. You're not afraid of black people; in fact, you wish you were
   black. 
4. You don't care if you are superior to all other Asians or not, 
   because being Filipino is cool enough just by itself.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE THAI IF...
1. People offer to pay you for sex.
2. No matter what you eat, it's not greasy or spicy enough.
3. You're not afraid of black people, cause in some cases you're 
   scarier than they are.
4. You know in your heart you'll never be superior to all other
   Asians, but you've learned to live with it.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE MALAYSIAN IF ...
1. You don't believe anything the newspapers tell you, but would 
   never say so in public. 
2. The whole world (and George Soros) is out to destroy you and your 
   country. 
3. You would never admit to being afraid of black people, because it 
   might disrupt racial harmony. 
4. You don't think you are superior to other Asians, but your food, 
   culture, English, humour, etc is.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE SINGAPOREAN IF ...
1. You eat, sleep, smile, and have sex according to Government 
   policy.
2. You don't think Lee Kuan Yew is a fascist dictator.
3. Government policy is that you shouldn't be afraid of black
   people, so you aren't. 
4. You know you are superior to all other Asians, 'cause the    
   Government says so.

-- 
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