The young pirate walks into a bar and spots an older pirate who has a
peg-leg, a hook for a hand and a patch over one eye. He walks over and
takes the seat next to him. He buys the old man a drink and they begin
talking.

"May I ask how you lost your leg?" the young man asks.

"Oh. The leg. Well, we were in the most fearsome of storms and the
ship was pushed against the rocks so hard that the hull cracked in two!
Only a handful of us made it to safety and then we had to wait for days
until we were rescued. As I was climbing into the rescue boat a shark
bit the leg clean off!"

"Wow. How about the hook? How did you get that?"

"Ah yes, the hook. Well we were boarding a ship and they had set fire to
our boat first and so the fighting got fierce 'cause we couldn't turn
back... Guns were going off and swords were flashing and it wasn't until
we took their ship from under them that I even noticed that my hand had
been clean cut away!"

"What about the eye?" asked the breathless novice.

"The eye I lost when I was watchin' a seagull and he pooped in my
eye."

"But you can't lose an eye from seagull poop..."

"You see, that was my first day with the new hook."