----- Forwarded message from Gary Clem ----- ***************************************** ACMEVAPORWARE ANNOUNCES PLANS TO GIVE THE UNITED STATES BACK TO BRITAIN AVW Advanced Diplomatic Conservation Section Reveals 10-year Plan to Place the U.S. Back Under British Rule; Washington DC to be Re-named "Houndsditch" LONDON, UK -- September 2, 1999 -- In a deal reportedly worth well over $120 trillion over the next ten years, AcmeVaporware Inc. (AVW) today unveiled a 10-year plan to give the United States back to Britain before a good-natured bank-holiday crowd of bemused Londoners and befuddled members of Congress. Citing the power vacuum resulting from the dearth of any decent leadership in the upcoming U.S. presidential elections, AVW diplomatic officials began the process of putting Queen Elizabeth II and the British Government back in the right-hand driver's seat of The New Colonies, with said seat of government in Washington DC to be re-christened "Houndsditch Province." The plan calls for a complete takeover of all levels of government, and promises to bring politeness back to Civil Servants. In return for their unflinching generosity, all AVW executives were secretly knighted, given titles and granted huge tracts of land. "Actually, because the majority of the land in the U.S. is British-owned anyway -- and the Queen Mum is the largest single landowner in the world -- we at AVW thought this the next logical step," said Dr. John Smallberries, former Chairman of AVW and newly minted Earl of Sandwich, doing donuts in a '52 Black Bentley across the verdant copses of St. Franklin-on-the-Heather. "This is all about infusing some good old fashioned manners -- and plain ol' imperialistic verve -- back into our existing lifeless political PR dreck." Dr. Smallberries later distributed sandwiches to fleeing small children and clergymen at well over 90 miles per hour. "This is unconstitutional and ridiculous," said president-manque and self-professed alien community Algore, caught uncomfortably between Chinese Premier Zhu Rongji and chief of the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA), Stanson Arbock. "This is unbelievable and unprecedented. Cheap power grabs like this are truly reflective of the expectations being placed on poor government representatives and how the Internet infrastructure is currently being used to erode our superior way of life by a faceless Netterati rabble." Confused by his own invectives, Mr. Gore later claimed that the move would probably force companies to evolve to support the demands of e-commerce, and that he really liked smoked ham, a lot. "We are not precisely sure what Dr. Smallberries is intending with this grand gesture, but we are immensely gratified at any gift of this size," said Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, in a smart short-sleeved tea-colored suit created for the occasion. "We welcome back our estranged colonies with open arms," she concluded, arm flab jiggling with excitement. Her Majesty's First Royal Colonial Action was to issue an arrest warrant for Bill Clinton. Her Second Royal Colonial Action was sold to Cisco Systems for an undisclosed amount. About AcmeVaporware AcmeVaporware, Inc. is an international mega-multi-trillion dollar web-based content powerhouse blancmange, providing unique diplomatic and uncompromising physical layer transport solutions, pseudo-lexiconographical logistics and torpovapor supply-chain data fusion things to anyone who will just HOLD STILL, on a global scale that would make your grandma proud, proud of you, Timmy. Information on AcmeVaporware, its internecine technology arm, and its future profligate amounts of purest, finest-quality vapor are mostly classified. Regardless, it's all on www.acmevaporware.com anyway, so whatever. -- AcmeVaporware is a registered trademark of AcmeVaporware Inc. (no, really). All rights reserved. Don't mess with us. Our attorney is now the Earl of Loucester. (c) 1999, 2000 and Beyond, AcmeVaporware Inc. ### ----- End forwarded message -----