Unabomber Haikus (from the Cyberlaw mailing list) From: Eugene Volokh (VOLOKH@LAW.UCLA.EDU) Date: Tue, 7 May 1996 16:25:02 PST ------- Forwarded Message Follows ------- yodacat@ix.netcom.com Technology bad Please tell me you like my beard Or I'll blow you up Fun, easygoing single, white Unabomber seeks same for love, laughs. Ed McMahon of death: "You may already be a winner! Open now!" Bad Unabomber! Blowing people all to hell. Do you take requests? Farewell to tenure Sniping from the tower clock already been done Why can't I get this stupid computer to print? Time to buy some stamps. Should I comb my hair Or should I wear it matted Judge prefers it combed Remember when you Laughed at his fake fur parka? He remembers, too. "Open your present..." "No, you open your present..." Kaczinski Christmas Its circumstantial all that stuff in my cabin I found it all. Yeah. My Daddy said BANG When he taught me about sex. I misunderstood. Ted's fate worse than death: "You're assigned to prison shop. Make computer chips!" To which my son Yale adds: We took Ted Kaczinski out of a 6 by 8 cabin without electricity or running water and put him into a 6 by 8 cell with all the amenities. We sure showed *him*! -- Eugene Volokh, UCLA Law Archivist's note: Here are a few more from http://www.pmw.org/~welling/unabomber_haiku.html : I have a vision but I am misunderstood do you like my beard? The rabbits taunt me Like fed'ral jack-booted thugs. Kill the rabbits. Kill. The world was all mine, For seventeen years, that is. I hate my brother. The postman cometh: "Oh, boy! A package for me!" Twisted hermit strikes. Montana: Big sky. No speed limit on highway. Lousy bicycle. I love the outside. Why do the rabbits hate me? Next time it's their turn. Archivist's note: And a few more from http://interaction.brunel.ac.uk/idforum/96_06/0037.html : Machines done ruined Western Civilization. Think I'll mail some bombs. Option: Suicide. Perhaps I'll send a letter To myself in jail. Harvard boy--upset. Didn't get the attention Of upper-class chicks. Manifesto. Oops. What a giveaway. Next time No windy essays. Kind of ironic: Hates technology lots but Has two typewriters. I was your math prof. You made fun of my weird ways. It was all your fault. How irritable I've become, wiping my butt With leaves and tree bark. Archivist's note: And from http://www.stanford.edu/~zeade/public/humor/unabomber_haikus I used to teach math, Then I blew things up for spite. Now I eat jail food. Twigs and explosives. It's good to have a hobby. My brother needs one. No, not my brother. Purely just coincidence. Reward is how much? Technology bad. Bombs make people go boom. Berkeley boy is mad.. He was my roommate, In school at UC Berkeley. Now I'll write a book. Bombs, schmombs.... Ted's good folk. At least he's not selling drugs! Plus he's got nice hair.... Stupid ATARI! I'll use it's parts to build bombs! More fun than "Frogger"..... A ten by twelve hut? For how many years? Twenty? No wonder he's nuts. Letter? Montana? Quick! Throw it away and run! Oops! It's just from Mom. My brother lives in Montana. Yow! Oh wait, though -- His name is Tom. Whew! How I love my work, Hand-crafting bombs all day long. Think I'll eat some Spam. My son's such a dear. He'd never do things like that. Here, search all his stuff. What if I thought as Ill of haiku as Ted does Of technology? Ted anti-social Pain too close to the surface. Took it out on "them". Archivist's note: And from http://www.sadinoff.com/fun/quotes/unabomber_haiku.txt : Pipe bomb for mailing Walking to the post office Hope I don't stumble Hey Look! A package! Somebody sent me a gift. I wonder what it... Unabomber Kit: String, wire, plastic explosives. Stamps not included. Archivist's note: And from http://wings.buffalo.edu/epc/ezines/diu/diu35 : Those damned dials and knobs Have measured our lives to death. Horrible science. Talk at a party: "Let's do the 'Unabomber'". Now he is bitter. Technology bites. Been reading too much Pynchon. Package for you, dear. Archivist's note: And from http://www.unet.brandeis.edu/~jdh/funniesnet/funnies/philosophy/unabomber_haiku.html : Shy Midwestern kid Attends Harvard, and presto! Unabomber's born. Angered all the more. Enraged year after year by Lame police drawing. Archivist's note: And from a spam haiku collection at http://pemtropics.mit.edu/~jcho/spam/2901-3000.html : Unabomber lived on SPAM, venison, tuna. Mystery now solved! --Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com The Unabomber Didn't make bombs out of SPAM. Guess he's not so bad. --Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com Archivist's note: More of the same at http://pemtropics.mit.edu/~jcho/spam/news.html : A ticking blue tin. An explosion of pig snouts. UnaSPAMer strikes. --Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virgnia.edu Unabomber's change of heart: non-lethal pork tins inflict mass terror. --zbaird@cjnetworks.com Unabomber, Goetz, and other assorted nuts. The common thread? SPAM. --zbaird@cjnetworks.com Dear Hormel people: I'll blow up your factory! --Teddy Kaczynski --Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com Ted Kaczynski "loved nature," and yet he ate SPAM. See the problem here? --Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com The Unabomber Begins sending SPAM by mail. People are still scared. --Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com It's leaked to the press-- In the Unabomber's shack, Thousands of SPAM tins. --Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com