Subject: AD&D Stats for a Usenet Troll
From: Monissa <[email-masked]>
Date: Fri, 01 Nov 2002 19:39:55 +1100
Newsgroups: sff.workshop.critters-volcano-bar-and-grill

Climate/Terrain: Any newsgroup
Frequency: Common
Organisation: Thread
Activity cycle: Any
Diet: Lusers
Intelligence: Low (3-5)
Treasure: None
Alignment: Chaotic evil (neutral)
No. Appearing: 1
Armour Class: n/a
Movement: 'c'
Hit Dice: 100
THAC0: n/a
No. of Attacks: n/a
Damage/Attack: n/a
Special Attacks: See below.
Special Defences: See below.
Magic Resistance: 100%
Size: Exists as mental force only.
Morale: Elite (14)
HP Value: 1,800

The Usenet troll (Trollicus useneticus bloodyirritatingus) is an evil
mental parasite found in all areas of Usenet, where it preys upon the
brains of lusers (Homo stultissimus). Most clueful people avoid these
creatures, since Usenet trolls know no fear and attack unceasingly,
demanding responses from their prey.

Usenet trolls are immune to flames (Flammae useneticae), which is
unfortunate, as most will try to attack them with these first. In fact,
when a troll is attacked flames, it will actually be able to use these
flames to create more, which it will hurl back at its unfortunate attacker.
Long-lived trolls may be able to render an entire newsgroup uninhabitable
with all the flames it creates.

The only form of attack a troll has is its ability to incite responses,
which it needs to feed from; hence, the best way to defend yourself against
a troll is simply to ignore it. Deprived of nourishment, it will soon
starve.

Ancient legends (found in The Book of 1036) hint that a Usenet troll may be
vulnerable to the Spell of Cancellation, but this powerful incantation
would have to be applied swiftly after the troll's birth; once engaged in
battle, few survive unscathed.

(Taken from Usenet where it was apparently taken from
http://www.arkane.demon.co.uk/Rpg/)