System Administration Support Fees Support Fees: Calling me with a question - $10 Calling me with a stupid question - $20 Calling me with a stupid question you can't quite articulate - $30 Implying I'm incompetent because I can't interpret your inarticulate problem description - $1000 + punitive damages Questions where answer is in TFM which is on your desk - $100.00 Calling me back with the same problem *after* I fix it once - $100 Insisting that you're not breaking the software, the problem is on my end somehow - $200 Asking me to walk over to your building to fix the problem - $5/step Asking me to drive to another town to fix your problem - $50/mile + gas If you interrupt me while I was trying to actually fix somebody else's problem - $45/hr If you try to hang around and get me to fix it now - $50/hr If you expect me to tell you how I fixed it - $60/hr If you've come to ask me why something isn't working that I'm currently working on - $70/hr If you're asking me to fix something I fixed for you yesterday - $75/hr If you're asking me to fix something I told you I fixed yesterday, but never did fix - $85/hr If you're asking me to fix a quick patch that I made that didn't work - $95/hr If you're bugging me while there's another admin in the room who could have done it for you - $150/hr Making me trek to your office to fix your problem then leaving immediately after hanging up the phone - $1500.00 Calling up with a problem which "everybody" in the office is having and which is "stopping all work", not being there when I rush over to look at it and nobody else in the office knows anything about it. - $1700.00 Explaining a problem for 1/2 hour over the phone BEFORE mentioning it's your personal machine at home - $500.00 Self-diagnosing your problem and telling me what to do - $150.00 Having me bail you out when you perform your own repairs I told you not to do - $300.00 Figuring out you mean floppy drive when you say hard drive - $50.00 Fixing your "broken" mouse with a mousepad - $25.00 Fixing your "broken" optical mouse by rotating the mousepad 90 degrees - $35.00 Fixing a "broken" mouse by cleaning the rollers - $50.00 Fixing your "broken" printer with a toner cartridge - $35.00 Fixing your "broken" ANYTHING with the power button - $250.00 Fixing the "crashed" system by turning the external disk back on - $200.00 Fixing the "hung" system by plugging the ethernet transceiver back in - $375.00 Visiting your old university and fixing the broken PC by plugging the monitor lead back in - $50 Explaining that you can't log in to some server because you don't have an account there - $10 Forgetting your password after it was tattooed on your index finger - $25 Installing programs without informing me or getting permission first - $100 per program Technical support for the above programs - $150 per hour (regardless of whether I know the program or not) Spilling coke on keyboard - $25 plus cost of keyboard Spilling coke on monitor - $50 plus cost of monitor Spilling coke on CPU (plus cost of motherboard swap plus hourly rate of $150 per hour spent reinstalling the system) - $200 Leaving files on desktop - $5 per file - $10 per day the file is left unclaimed Cleaning the mouse with spit and sleeve - $50 plus cost of sleeve Bringing in your own copy of the original Norton Utilities v1.0 to fix a brand new machine - $200 Chewing on the end of the graphic tablet stylus - $25 Putting feet up next to workstation after ten mile jog through NYC streets - $50 Spending 30 minutes trying to figureout what your problem is, and another 5 explaining how to verify and fix it, only to hear you say... "So that's what the little box that popped up on my screen was telling me to do!" - $40 Listening to your network troubles, suggesting that you check to see if you are plugged into the network jack, hearing yes, trying five other things, asking you to identify your plug type, listening to you drag furniture, and hearing a sheepish, "Oops. Nevermind." (including discount for polite apology) - $35 Dealing with tech support requests for obviously pirated software - $25 Dealing with "How can I get another copy of [obviously pirated software]? Mine just died." requests - $45 Having to use the "We're really not the best people to talk to about that; why don't you try calling the number on the box in which you bought it?" line - $55 Actually needing to explain copyright law to you after you failed to get the hint in the previous response (includes instructions for getting freeware replacements from the public file server) - $95 Having to point out anything that's on the wall in a typeface larger than 18 points - $15 If I wrote the sign - $45 If it's in a 144 point font and taped to the side of the monitor facing the door - $75