Dear [ ] Sir [ ] Clueless One [ ] Twit [ ] Great Man on Campus [ ] Madam [ ] Dweeb [ ] Twerp [ ] Comrade [ ] Elvis [ ] Moonbeam [ ] Boor [ ] Obergruppenfuehrer [ ] Citoyen [ ] Geek [ ] Grad Student [ ] Cur [ ] Republican [ ] Democrat [ ] Liberal [ ] Conservative [ ] Communist [ ] Dilbert [ ] Dogbert [ ] Ratbert You are being gently flamed because [ ] you sent a "Please Remove Me" message to the list, rather than the list server. [ ] you continued a boring, useless, stupid thread. [ ] you repeatedly posted to the same thread that you just posted to. [ ] you repeatedly initiated incoherent, flaky, and mindless threads. [ ] you posted a piece riddled with profanities. [ ] you advocated Net censorship. [ ] you SCREAMED! (used all caps). [ ] you posted some sort of crap that doesn't belong in this group. [ ] you posted the inanely stupid 'Make Money Fast' article. [ ] you posted the inanely stupid '$250 Cookie Recipe' article. [ ] you posted an inanely stupid magic weight-loss article. [ ] you posted an inanely stupid cheap s**t at high prices article. [ ] you posted an inanely stupid 'Fix Your Credit' article. [ ] you threatened others with physical harm. [ ] you made a bigoted statement(s). [ ] you repeatedly assumed unwarranted moral or intellectual superiority. [ ] you are under the misapprehension that this group is your preserve. [ ] you repeatedly have shown lack of humor. [ ] you are apparently under compulsion to post to every thread. [ ] you are posting an anonymous attack. [ ] you responded to an obvious troll. [ ] you posted an obvious troll. [ ] you have a sig that is more than 5 lines long. [ ] you have a sig with more than 4 lines of ASCII graphics. [ ] you assumed that AOL/CIS/Prodigy founded the Internet. [ ] you neglected to do research on the chosen subject. [ ] you asked a question that was covered in the available FAQ. [ ] you redundantly covered the same point over and over. [ ] you assumed that the Internet is a U.S.-only phenomenon. [ ] you crossposted excessively. [ ] you, in any way, make, shape, or form, agreed with Senator Exon. [ ] you posted the Good Times virus spread by e-mail message. [ ] you used long lines, i.e. you didn't break up your lines after 60-70 characters, thereby making it hard to quote your post. [ ] You posted a request to send business/get-well cards to a little boy with cancer who is trying to break the Guiness book record. [ ] Over 90% of your post was quoted from a previous post. [ ] Over 90% of your post was quoted from a previous post, and your addition was "I agree" or "Me too." [ ] Barged into a quiet little newsgroup/IRC channel/MUD/whatever, and started stinking up the place, just because you read an article about the newsgroup/IRC channel/MUD/whatever in some magazine. [ ] Repeatedly requested info on where to find XXX stuff. [ ] Repeatedly harassed people with androgynous names like Chris, Jamie, or Rajhatmalhaban, with "Are you a girl?" or "M/F?" questions. [ ] you, in any way, make shape, or form, used the term(s) [ ] "infobahn" [ ] "Neutopia" [ ] "synergy" [ ] "warez" [ ] "SUX" [ ] "wymyn" [ ] "ROOLZ" [ ] KEWL/KOOL/K0oL [ ] "information superhighway" [ ] Other annoying term: [ ] you discussed the following in a non-nutcase newsgroup; [ ] hollow earth theory [ ] alien President theory [ ] orbital mind control frisbees [ ] faith healing [ ] government weather control [ ] Russian psychics [ ] Squeaky Fromme [ ] the nation of France [ ] robot spy bees [ ] sexually promiscuous space aliens [ ] "Manos, the Hands of Fate" [ ] Other: [ ] you considered the following to be reliable reference sources; [ ] Golden Books' "Exploring Science", printed 1955 [ ] Any program covered by Talk Soup [ ] SNL News [ ] Oliver Stone [ ] Hard Copy [ ] Inside Edition [ ] The National Enquirer [ ] The Sun [ ] NY Post [ ] The Union Leader [ ] Pravda [ ] OMNI Magazine [ ] Company Marketing Hype [ ] Microsoft [ ] The Simpsons [ ] An unidentified, but obviously stupid, person or publication [ ] Other: In the future, you may wish to; [ ] save the "welcome to the list"message you recieved when you joined. [ ] allow boring and useless threads to die. [ ] remember that not all newsreaders are threaded. [ ] recall that there are academic and commercial users on the Net. [ ] remember that the Internet is multinational. [ ] consider that others may know more about certain subjects than you. [ ] exercise some humility. [ ] be careful of where you are crossposting to. [ ] 'lurk' without posting for a few days to learn the forum of a group. [ ] take personal discussions or stupid/boring threads to e-mail. [ ] get used to being mocked. [ ] stop volunteering for Armed Forces pharmeceutical experiments. [ ] join your people on your planet of origin. [ ] remove the pipe from your nether regions. [ ] buy a nice firey lakefront plot in the Hell you so richly deserve. I would like like to suggest that, for the common good, you; [ ] wait at least two hours before responding to another post. [ ] read the FAQ (frequently asked questions) list for the group. [ ] learn to use the 'kill' command to eliminate erroneous posts. [ ] post only to alt.dev.null. [ ] selectively respond to threads after reading all new messages in that thread. [ ] voluntarily apologize in a brief post. [ ] shop for clues at a better clue shop. [ ] no longer contribute to this newsgroup. [ ] no longer contribute to any newsgroup. [ ] no longer contribute to the gene pool. [ ] look into the possibility of medication for the above problems. [ ] familiarize yourself with the history of the Internet. [ ] familiarize yourself with the concept of: [ ] patience [ ] tolerance [ ] caution [ ] common courtesy [ ] succinctness [ ] vocabulary [ ] higher brain functions [ ] Other: Please save this message and review it occasionally to determine your progress toward being; [ ] a useful member of Internet society. [ ] a less annoying member of Internet society. [ ] a human being. [ ] a fully-functional human being. [ ] a tolerable poster. [ ] integrated into humanity. [ ] re-integrated into the wild. [ ] Other: Thank you for taking the time to read this form flame.