Subject: [alt.religion.kibology] Re: Mysterious bagpiper: what to do?
From: Steve Christensen <[email-masked]>
To: [email-masked]
Date: 19 Jun 2003 20:26:45 GMT

Subject: Re: Mysterious bagpiper: what to do?
From: "Paddy Smith" <[email-masked]>
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology

John D Salt wrote:
>
> See, this is where Highland hordesmen are trickier to deal with
> than Terrorists.  If it's Terrorists, you know to ASSUME
> CONDITION ORANGE, or some other bright and distinctive colour.
> With the Scots Menace, though, all the alert states are in
> tartan, so it's MUCH harder.  Can you tell an Abercrombie from a
> Hunting Cameron in a dim light?  I know I can't.

SCOTS MENACE ALERT SCALE

ALERT STATE with comments

state: BLACK WATCH
This state is characterised as LOW THREAT of invasion and/or
extra-Caledonian activity by Highland clansmen, and by a tasteful dark
green with blue panels. Remain vigilant, keep sheep indoors.

state: CAMPBELL OF ARGYLL
This is an attractive grey-green and yellow alert state, with MEDIUM
THREAT of raids by hairy ginger-bearded men eating oats for dinner.
Report all suspicious unattended foxskin packages to a person in
authority, and avoid crowded areas during Old Firm matches.

state: ROYAL STUART
This is a serious condition of HIGH THREAT from generalised Jacobite
uprisings, sword dancing, and garish tourist-friendly travel rugs in
hideous untraditional reds. Stock up on soap and fresh vegetables, avoid
areas prone to caber attack and report all sightings of bobbled headgear
immediately.

HTH.

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