%
<loiosh> being a sysadmin sure is tough. that's why when i get home,
after a hard day's work, i sit down and relax with a cold glass of
antifreeze
<kriktor> jesus
<loiosh> it goes down smooth, and never fills you up
<kriktor> hahaha
<loiosh> and it definitely impresses the ladies
%
<loiosh> hmm....do you guys think i could chop the top off a young
coconut with an unsharpened machete?
<loiosh> i have one, but i don't know how to sharpen it and i need a
good way to open coconuts
%
TS> On the other hand, early this year we had some "hash" that
TS> looked, tasted and produced headaches just like pipe scrapings..
TS> I made 'em take it back.
What, you kept the receipt and went back to the customer service desk?
Did you have to fill out a form and return the unused portion in the
original package?
~Mr. Bad
%
If the chair wasn't from the 'Champagne' region of France, then the pain
you feel is only 'sparkling nerve pinches'
--fatjim (http://advogato.org/person/fatjim/)
%
Of course, if you kids weren't so good at grammar I'd have a lot more to
say.
--Zen
%
begin Craig McPherson quotation:
> WOW! You have the same surname as Nick Moffitt! How did you
> do that?????
Six years ago in the caribbean jungle, I came across an abandoned
british explorers' camp inhabited by a bizarre, crack-addicted monkey.
In his paw I found a map for a volcano hidden deep under the sea. I
quickly donned my scuba gear and retrieved the ancient artifact held
within, which allowed me to steal Nick Moffitt's soul, and consequently
his last name as well.
In short, God punished me for playing too many video games.
--Zen
%
P.S. When Brian Behlendorf traveled through time
To the year 3010
He fought the evil infobot king
And made a computer out of duct tape
--Mr. Bad
%
Arms, and the man I sing, who, forc'd by fate,
And haughty Tjames's unrelenting hate,
Expell'd and exil'd, left the Pigdog shore.
Long labors, both by code and parts, he bore,
And in the doubtful war, before he won
The Monkey realm, and built the destin'd town;
His banish'd mail restor'd to rites divine,
And settled sure succession in his line,
From whence the race of Evil Robots come,
And the long glories of majestic GAR.
--Book I, the CrackMonkead
%
The cluetrain has arrived at this mailing list, and *I'M* the conductor.
-Craig "Mae Ling Mak Naked and Petrified" McPherson, on Crackmonkey
%
"RICK MOEN: the only psychotripic substance still legal in all 50 states!"
--mbp
%
http://discuss.userland.com/msgReader$16601
When Brian Behlendorf went to Userland
To fight the crabby proprietary software developers
He used his magic fire breath
And saved the beautiful Linux Bunnies!
--Mr. Bad
%
"They want everything to be free and let's all be friends. But fortunately,
this is not the American way." -- Mark Starr, UNiSYS Patent Counsel
%
97Jul02 09:18:31 AM From JayDee @ Loka, Nye County
I noticed
it is getting about time to leave everywhere
--JayDee, on the demise of Citadel BBSes
%
kieran@ttya8> mmmm .... life-giving trucker speed ... i'm happy to be alive
%
begin Brian Behlendorf quotation:
> As is all of above.net, due to above.net blocking ORBS' scans.
> That's the big reason I don't use ORBS anymore.
When Brian Behlendorf challenged the ORBS
To defend the powerful wizards of BUGTRAQ
He wielded a mighty procmail script
And armored himself with Reply-To: headers
--Crackmonkey
%
I think you're a little off. Johnny Ryall, he's a bum on my stoop. I
gave him fifty cents to buy some soup.
Johnny ROYALE, however, is the King of the High Rollers! He's Elvis,
Dean Martin, Dennis Farina and Joe Pesce all wrapped up into one! He
drinks top shelf liquor and pays rock-bottom prices. He brunches in
Atlantic City, does cocktail hour in Beverly Hills and then jets to
the other coast to prowl the streets of Manhattan after midnight. He
can mix a Perl-Java Web site with one hand and a pearl-onion gimlet
with the other and still not break a sweat.
If there's just one thing I know in this mixed-up, crazy world, Mister
Turkish for Bent or Curved, it's that if there's an UNHOLY PLOT going
on somewhere, JOHNNY ROYALE is the man behind it.
--Mr. Bad
%
ZEN: Involvement is not permitted.
BLAKE: If the ship's blown up, lofty disinterest won't save you.
[The Web]
%
BLAKE: Have you got any better ideas?
AVON: As a matter of fact, no I haven't.
BLAKE: Does that mean you agree?
AVON: Do I have a choice?
BLAKE: Yes.
AVON: Then I agree.
[Duel]
%
AVON: Staying with you requires a degree of stupidity of which I no longer
feel capable.
BLAKE: No, you're just being modest.
[Breakdown]
%
VILA: I'm entitled to my opinion.
AVON: It is your assumption that we are entitled to it as well that is
irritating.
[Bounty]
%
AVON: Oh, I'm sorry I missed that. It's the kind of natural stupidity no
amount of training could ever hope to match.
[Shadow]
%
<loiosh> bozo and eros should *not* be mixed
%
Friday, the 11rd from darth puppy
tesla's experiments were right on, i'm trusting
with my gut on this one because i haven't read
his biography
%
<Shazdeh> I'll strike you down with TCP.
%
From: "George J.P. Perry" <geoperry@iww.org>
Mind as recreational vehicle. Vodka as cruise-control.
-g... off-road adventures
%
<loiosh> Man, Cap'n Morgan
<loiosh> Does not go
<loiosh> With Cap'n Crunch
%
<loiosh> I think the Wu-Tang Clan invented wu-ftpd
%
<wikkit> I've got $3100; a computer seems the logical way to waste it, right?
%
BB> http://metalab.unc.edu/mdma-release/mdma.html
When Brian Behlendorf lived in the 90s
Mighty, strong and brave,
He invented the Innurnet and Ecstasy
So we could have big raves!
~Mr. Bad
%
<Pretender> rebellion is for Gap Customers
%
If elected, I promise a cross-platform C freenet server in every rootkit.
-Don Marti
%
<Orion> redvinegar is now in the permanent loop at the station
<Orion> and the djs tonight found out I was getting fired
<Orion> and they spent 10 minutes ranting about how good I was and would they
call off the last supper if jesus were a little late
<Orion> and then the third floor of a girls' dorm called and requested sarah
mclachlan's "I will remember you"
%
<Orion> so I'm doing a resume
<Orion> whoa
<Orion> completely left out the part about being the youngest appointed voting
official on a town committee ... but I hate politics
<Orion> so I'll leave it out
<Orion> that was 4 years ago, anyway
<Orion> the committee did what most committees do
<Orion> formed subcommittees
%
<kristen> am i in alabama yet?
<Pretender> kristen: nope, wait for your husband to knock you over head and take you home
<kristen> but i'm not married
<Pretender> kristen: you will be when you wake up in alabama
<kristen> oh
<kristen> is he nice?
<Pretender> yes, when he is sober
%
From: Bryan Fullerton <bryanf@samurai.com>
"Mr . Bad" <mr.bad@pigdog.org> wrote:
> It's the first of the month, and we all know what that means:
> 1) Pay your rent.
> 2) Despair.
> 3) Mailman monthly subscription notification.
Today I discovered that the Japanese grocery store across the street from my
office has Giant Pocky (as well as a dozen or so varieties of regular Pocky -
I'm having marble now).
The items you list above are no longer priorities.
%
<loiosh> dammit
<loiosh> the japanese need to adopt napster
<loiosh> 'cause I'm not paying no sixty bucks for Chairman Kaga in Jesus Christ
Superstar
%
<loiosh> fuck this shit
<loiosh> we should all be documentary filmmakers!
%
<loiosh> I tried reading mail this morning and my xterms are all fucked up so
all I could see was "zork zork zork zork"
(CrackMonkey) hahaha
.. [nick/#tron] CrackMonkey is now zorkzorkzork
(zorkzorkzork) zork zork
<loiosh> hahaaha
<@elise> stop.
-> zorkzorkzork zork zork zorkzork
.. [nick/#tron] loiosh is now malkovich
<Orion> zzzzzzzzzzork
<@elise> aaaaaaaaaaaaaah
<malkovich> malkovich malkovich
<Orion> HAHAH
(zorkzorkzork) zork zork zork
<malkovich> MAL-ko-VICH
(zorkzorkzork) zorkzork
<malkovich> malkovichmalkovichmalkovich
(zorkzorkzork) zorkzork zork zork. Zork, zork zork.
%
<loiosh> I was *really* asleep.
<@elise> and?
<loiosh> I figured it was probably my dumb-ass roommates coming back from a
rave
<loiosh> and being locked out, 'cause whoever it was was knocking really loud.
<loiosh> it was the cops, who questioned me about some kids jumping over
fences in placid sunset backyards.
<loiosh> and they asked me lots of dumb questions.
<@elise> did you say anything interestin?
<loiosh> and at the end they were like 'do you realize you're naked?'
<loiosh> and i was like, whoops.
<@elise> ha
<@elise> that is REALYY FUCKING FUNNY
<loiosh> stupid sunset cops.
%
<@emad> if I drew a triangle around australia or say... rand mcnally over here,
that it would not matteR?
<@emad> I heard that in rand mcnally, people walk on their hands and hamburgers
eat people
<@emad> what a strange country
%
<loiosh> I wanna ride "Big Gay Alan Turing's Big Gay Enigma Boat Ride."
%
And what better peanut gallery for celebrity VC deathmatch than
Crackmonkey.org?
-Martin Pool
%
> Would you two take your organic poop flinging fight offlist.
d00d, I have sat through so many of your stupid pigdog-l arguments
that you owe me BIG FAT ATTENTION for at least 300 messages worth of
"am so" "am not" type shit.
~Mr. Bad
%
<loiosh> I'm wearing Qantas socks!
%
"The more leetness you incorporate, the more it ends up sucking."
-- Lehmann's law, uttered by aaronl on nwall.
%
aaronl@pts/29> Today I got a "Scroll of penis enlargement" from the mail demon
%
"It's so bad, it *doesn't* cause cancer in lab rats!"
--Brian Hicks
%
It took us a while to figure out the hubbub surrounding the opening of downtown
San Francisco's latest mall, but then someone pointed out that the $137 million
glass and concrete structure is the new library. Still, our confusion was
perhaps prescient, as it turns out that the "New Main," this "Library for the
21st Century," (as it's being called) is about as reverent of the pursuit of
knowledge as a Waldenbooks outlet. And, if essayist Nicholson Baker is right,
it might have even fewer books. In a speech given last week, Baker asserted
that City Librarian Ken Dowlin has "committed a crime against knowledge" by
ridding the library of at least two hundred thousand books - a fifth of the old
library's collection. Dowlin's motivation? To make room for, among other
things, a "state of the art" online catalog. Some might dismiss Baker's
concerns as reactionary neo-Luddism, but we feel that even the most wired among
us should take note. You might even - dare we say it - take up a pen and
request, under California's Public Records Act, to take a look at the old
catalog yourself. The card catalog is the only complete record of what the
library once contained, and with 50% of the new library's stacks closed to the
public, it seems that digitized media isn't the only kind of information that
wants to be free.
-Suck
%
The Glorious Empire of Ants
Ants are among the most social organisms on earth, that much is
well-known. We don't have any idea just how organized they are.
Consider these facts:
* In the Amazon rain forest, one hectare of soil contains more than
eight million ants.
* Ants make up 10 to 15 percent of the entire animal biomass in most
terrestrial environments.
* Ants have been found to thrive in such inhospitable regions as
Death Valley and Antarctica.
* Using dozens of pheromone (chemical scent) secretions, ants
communicate in a surprisingly sophisticated language.
* Ants are resistant to hard radiation.
* An ant colony can be considered a super-organism, with individual
ants the rough approximation of cells.
* A single colony, such as the Formica yessensis supercolony on the
Ishikari Coast of Hokkaido, can contain as many as 306 million
workers and one million queens living in 45,000 interconnected
nests.
It should not surprise anyone that recent studies indicate ants are
not only cognizant of human affairs, but participate actively in them.
A recently unclassified CIA document reports that 25% of hostile
corporate takeovers in America are paid for by ants. Even more
shocking is the revelation that much of the world's weapons-grade
plutonium production in the past three decades was funded by ants.
Most biologists refute the claims of a conspiracy masterminded by
social insects, but how are we to explain last year's drive-by
shooting assassination of Oswald H. Larvey, one-time Senior
Investigator for the CIA and leading expert on covert ant affairs? His
research in ant supercolonies has provided us with rare photographic
evidence of the Ants' intent to usurp our civilization, such as the
stockpiles of ammunition found in colonies on Africa's Ivory Coast.
And how are we to shrug off the fact that the 1994 Middle East Peace
Conference in Turkey was postponed indefinitely when thousands of ants
poured out of the briefcases of top officials? Why has the White House
budget for insect pest control tripled since last year?
As ants innocently scamper across our sidewalks, few of us stop to
think that our destruction may be germinating deep under our homes and
streets. But the numbers are overwhelmingly in favor of ants. They are
in our offices and our kitchen cupboards, observing us and waiting.
The Ants, Bert Holldobler and Edward Wilson, 1990, Belknap Press,
Cambridge, MA.
%
Intelligent Squirrel Couriers
When security is at issue, and the regular postal routes are in
question, consider sending your message by intelligent squirrel. Our
rodents are fast, wily, and dependable. And they won't stretch your
budget! The operation is delightfully simple:
1. Enclose your message in the molybdenum-plated iron cannister,
proven to resist acid rain, intense temperatures, water to depths
of a hundred feet, and all manner of contaminents.
2. Strap the cannister to your squirrel's leg.
3. Feed the squirrel a "destination capsule." With our patented
bio-map technology, the pill contains RNA-encoded maps and routes
which find their way to the squirrel's brain and coax it toward
the destination. The pill can even be tailored to include
photographs of authorized recipients for the message.
4. Set the squirrel loose! At this point you have absolutely nothing
to worry about. Our tiny courier will immediately set out on its
path. These animals are trained in the arts of self-defense,
stealth, and survival in any climate. In the even that the rodent
is caught, it will open the capsule and consume the contents,
preserving your privacy.
It's that easy.
The Pentagon uses squirrels to deliver precious defense documents. The
CIA sends squirrels to bring instructions to undercover agents. Even
the president entrusts his memoranda to squirrels, which scurry about
the oval office in specially-constructed pvc tubes.
Don't trust your mail to the error-prone means of human couriers,
electronic networks, or even fish. They are just not safe enough. Put
your faith in intelligent squirrels.
The Voice
%
How to hack into pillbury dough cannisters
By Icebreaker/MFI/CCCP/USA/ExExEx/add your initials here
H4y phr33kz!! H3r3z h0w 2 h4ck d0uGh KaNNizt3rz!!
1. Set the cannister on the countertop
2. Look for words "open here" - sometimes if you luck out this can be
done without a password!!
3. If no labels is found looks for legend "open other end" this will
set you on the correct homepath. NOTE: if you find this you must
of course open THE OTHER END!
4. Its unlikely you are being filmed but just in case you'd better be
wearing sunglasses and a frightwig.
5. try hitting the cannister sharply ONCE ONLY on the counter,
striking the middle against the counter edge. If you do this a
second time dough will fly everyplace and you'll get nailed!
6. Once a crack appears you should be able to unroll the dough
cannister counterclockwise to reveal a doughy surprise
7. swallow ALL of the dough immediately and G3T Th3 PhuKK 0wt!!!
d00d!!
I have hacked hella mega amounts of dough this way.
%
The really catchy thing about stoicism is that nobody can ever beat it
to death.
%
If you spell T.S. Eliot backwards, you get toilets.
%
Jeremy:
He's from a nation of expatriated Jamaican cross-dressers. He
took violin when he was seven, and learned the ancient art of
feather-fighting from a Cuban dojo. He describes his work as a
"musical adventure". He is close to removing all of society's
layers and realizing his inner Ninja.
Boris:
Born to well-meaning but uncultured jocks, he left the military
academy to pursue his love of the bass fiddle. Known for his
ability to twirl his instrument about his head, he often does
carnivals to pay the bills.
Geoffrey:
Has a van.
Carla and Winnifred:
Hired ex-hippies to give the ensemble the "cult" or "groupee"
feel.
All work for the shadow government elite council, and are holding a
meeting entirely in morse-code eyeblinks. Each CD has liner notes made
of a blotter paper holding a carefully engineered crystelline
substance. The message is double-encrypted, such that the recipient
must first partake of a substance encrypted from his or her own
genetic code. The hallucinogen is then ingested, and the message is
displayed to the otherwise dancing individual.
The dropped cymbal is a red herring.
%
(((( In stereo where available ))))
%
[foo(~)] t dockmaster.ncsc.mil
Trying 198.26.55.74...
Connected to dockmaster.ncsc.mil.
Escape character is '^]'.
NOTICE AND CONSENT LOG-ON BANNER
This is a department of defense computer system. This computer system,
including all related equipment, networks and network devices (specifically
including internet access), are provided only for authorized U.S.Government
use. DoD computer systems may be monitored for all lawful purposes, including
to ensure that their use is authorized, for management of the system, to
facilitate protection against unauthorized access, and to verify security
procedures, survivability and operational security. Monitoring includes
active attacks by authorized DoD entities to test or verify the security of
this system. During monitoring, information may be examined, recorded, copied
and used for authorized purposes. All information, including personal
information, placed on or sent over this system may be monitored.
Use of this DoD computer system, authorized or unauthorized, constitutes
consent to monitoring of this system. Unauthorized use may subject you to
criminal prosecution. Evidence of unauthorized use collected during
monitoring may be used for administrative, criminal or other adverse action.
use of this system constitutes consent to monitoring for these purposes.
UNCLASSIFIED SYSTEM
Multics MR12.3b: DOCKMASTER (Channel sty.s_telnet_002)
Load = 29.0 out of 140.0 units: users = 29, 09/29/97 1226.2 edt Mon
telnet> q
Connection closed.
%
This way to the great egress!
%
Nick's list of important words and phrases:
* Try and use the phrase "certain interested third parties" as often
as possible.
* Refer to everyone affectionately as "pope". If anyone asks, tell
them it's the hip future-slang from a sci-fi paperback you've been
reading.
* Instead of telling a caller that someone can't make it to the
phone, inform them "I am sorry, but [he|she] is unavailable for
comment at this time."
* Refer to units of time in the following manner: "I gotta' go make
a phone call. I'll be back in ten of your Earth minutes."
%
HAM BUMMING EDUCATION INITIATIVE # 242
This initiative is intended to provide funding to king county public schools
for the purpose of a new required course entitled "Personal and Bussiness Ham
Bumming." This course will be a full credit addition to the students regular
schedule, increasing the requirement from 20 credits toward diploma to 21
credits.
The course will cover a brief history of ham bumming, safe hamming education,
oral lectures on proper ham bumming etiquette, ham bumming in business
applications, the scientific theory of ham bumming, and emergency ham bumming
procedures.
Your signature on this petition will go towards putting initiative #242 on the
ballot for the next election. Please support better education for our
children.
NAME PHONE# NAME PHONE#
_______________ _______________ _______________ _______________
_______________ _______________ _______________ _______________
_______________ _______________ _______________ _______________
_______________ _______________ _______________ _______________
_______________ _______________ _______________ _______________
_______________ _______________ _______________ _______________
_______________ _______________ _______________ _______________
_______________ _______________ _______________ _______________
_______________ _______________ _______________ _______________
_______________ _______________ _______________ _______________
_______________ _______________ _______________ _______________
_______________ _______________ _______________ _______________
By signing this petition, you clarify that you have knowingly signed for the
initiative once, and that you are a legal voter in king county.
%
Tue 28 May 91 0.03.49 From Joo-Sama
Well of course you took it out right after you implemeted it, it was such a
dumb idea and all.
I generaly have managed to keep my opinion about your work on this system to
myself. But since you can't manage that yourself I think I would like to let
you know what a peice of shit I think Eliga is.
It is a unreliable, bug ridden peice of filth.
And if you don't like these comments perhaps you might learn a little tact
yourself.
%
Date: Fri, 29 Aug 1997 11:06:16 -0700
From: Jesse D Zbikowski <zed@WPI.EDU>
To: nick@foo.usfca.edu
Subject: Lamp.
You never got your halogen lamp from my apartment before I left, so I
have stored it at SGI. Go to SGI building 7 sometime preferably
between 9 and 6. Find Isabel Guerra on the 2nd floor and tell her you
know Jesse Zbikowski and are looking for a lamp. She will take you
down to the video lab where it is hidden in a closet.
Building 7 is not accessible without a card key, so what you want to
do is walk through the visitor's entrance of building 8. Turn right
past the receptionist into the sea of cubicles, take the stairs up,
turn right on the 2nd floor, walk through the foozball room onto the
outdoor patio, and across the patio into building 7. Walk past the
espresso machine and go left to Isabel's cube.
%
Date: Sat, 23 Aug 1997 23:33:45 -0500
From: jpoboyle <oboylepj@HK.Super.NET>
To: patty@foo.usfca.edu
Subject: Patty@foolsallunited
To me ... to me....
Patty@fools allunited..whereamuat?
To myself ispeak
All fools day calls me
Rev PMORon
My antiego
Revered PFROPP
Revealmyself
Alldown the days of Kafkaland.
%
________________________________________________
/DO NOT FOLD, SPINDLE, OR MUTILATE. |
|] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]] |
| ] ]] ]] ] ] ] ]] ] ] |
| ] ] ] ] ]] ] |
|111111111111111111111111111111]11111111111111111|
|2222222222222]2222222222222222222222222222222222|
|33333]333]3]333333]3]333333]3]3]3]33333333333333|
|]444444444]444444]4444444]]444444444444444444444|
|555]555555555555]55]555555555555]555555555555555|
|6]66]66]]6666666666666]6666666666666666666666666|
|77777777777777]777777777777777777777777777777777|
|88888888888]88888888]888888888888]88888888888888|
|999999999999999]9999999]9999]9999999999999999999|
|________________________________________________|
%
Content-type: lies/all-lies
%
Date: Sat, 22 Mar 1997 20:18:21 -0000
From: satoru ishihara <ishihara@mxz.meshnet.or.jp>
To: n9648471@cc.wwu.edu
Subject: Q ABOUT OKLAHOMA THEATRE
DEAR REV.P.M.MORIN
WHY WAS THERE OKURAHOMA THEATRE IN
OKLAHOMA ? WHICH WAS OKLAHOMA
THEATRE PARADISE OR HELL ?
WHAT WAS THE FUTURE OF KAREL ROSSMANN ?
PLEASE TEACH ME ABOUT UPON
SATORU ISHIHARA
ishihara@mxz.meshnet.or.jp
%
I do not like Esperanto. It is like some kind of sterile linguistic
ejaculate, lying cold and lifeless on the forearm. It is a still-born
testament to mediocrity, betraying the quiet desparation of those who
would seek to conquer a language without passion. Esperanto is a cultural
fool's gold, a pathetic siren guiding the palsy-spirited to become
aetherised with insipid artifices of correctness and sophistication.
- James
%
On an entirely unrelated note, our Tivo is moody. Tivos record "suggested"
programs when they've got extra space, and ours has taken to recording nothing
but game shows in its spare time. I wonder if it's just in an odd mood, or
perhaps it's been infected with some sort of virus? At least it stopped
recording pay-per-view faux-lesbian pr0n.
--Radio Slack (Stephane)
%
Its really terrible when FBI arrested hacker, who visited USA with peacefull
mission -- to share his knowledge with american nation.
--Ilya V. Vasilyev, on the arrest of Dmitri Sklyarov
%
<loiosh> you know, Ralph Macchio is the poor man's Scott Baio.
%
<@pedro> BREAKIN' FAILURE ALERT -- PEDRO IS TOO WHITE
<loiosh> WARNING: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO IMMINENT
<@pedro> TOTAL FUNKINESS FAILURE : FUNK LEVELS DANGEROUSLY LOW
<@sneakums> ZAP BOPISMUS.
<@pedro> WARNING: SUGAR LEVELS UNACCEPTABLE
<@pedro> PEDRO, PROCEED TO ICED CREAM OUTLET NOW!!!
<loiosh> funkd: funk level: 15% -- shutting down
%
Date: Wed, 29 Apr 1998 10:56:52 -0700 (PDT)
From: Nick Moffitt <nick@zork.net>
To: svlug@svlug.org, balug@balug.org
Subject: Random numbers...
Someone at USF recently asked me about random number generation. Not
wanting to go through the first few chapters of Knuth with him, I simply
answered "Oh, that's easy, Linux just pulls them out of /dev/ass!".
A little confused, the little kidlet logged into zork.net and did
a 'cat /dev/ass'. Lo and behold, he got random characters!
Stunned, my boss (a solaris man, mostly) decided to investigate.
[zork(~)] ls -l /dev/ass
lrwxrwxrwx 1 root root 12 Apr 22 20:48 /dev/ass -> /dev/urandom
Maybe one of these days I'll tell that kid a real algorithm.
--
"Photons have neither morals nor visas" -Dave Farber
%
___ __ __ ____ _____ _ ____ _ _
|_ _| \/ | _ \| ____| / \ / ___| | | |
| || |\/| | |_) | _| / _ \| | | |_| |
| || | | | __/| |___ / ___ \ |___| _ |
|___|_| |_|_| |_____/_/ \_\____|_| |_|
____ _ ___ _ _ _____ ___ _ _
/ ___| | |_ _| \ | |_ _/ _ \| \ | |_
| | | | | || \| | | || | | | \| (_)
| |___| |___ | || |\ | | || |_| | |\ |_
\____|_____|___|_| \_| |_| \___/|_| \_(_)
_ ____ ____ _ _
/ |___ \ / ___| __ _| | __ ___ _(_) ___ ___
| | __) | | | _ / _` | |/ _` \ \/ / |/ _ \/ __|
| |/ __/ | |_| | (_| | | (_| |> <| | __/\__ \
|_|_____| \____|\__,_|_|\__,_/_/\_\_|\___||___/
____ _ _ _ _ _ _
/ ___|_ _(_) | |_(_) ___ __| | | |_ ___ __ _
| | _| | | | | | __| |/ _ \/ _` | | __/ _ \ / _` |
| |_| | |_| | | | |_| | __/ (_| | | || (_) | | (_| |
\____|\__,_|_|_|\__|_|\___|\__,_| \__\___/ \__,_|
__________ ____ _ _ _ _____ ____ ___ _ _ ___ ____
|__ / ____/ ___| \ | | / \|_ _| _ \ / _ \| \ | |_ _/ ___|
/ /| _|| | _| \| | / _ \ | | | |_) | | | | \| || | |
/ /_| |__| |_| | |\ |/ ___ \| | | _ <| |_| | |\ || | |___
/____|_____\____|_| \_/_/ \_\_| |_| \_\\___/|_| \_|___\____|
____ _ _ ____ _ _
| _ \ ___ ___| | _____| |_ / ___| ___ ___(_) ___| |_ _ _
| |_) / _ \ / __| |/ / _ \ __| \___ \ / _ \ / __| |/ _ \ __| | | |
| _ < (_) | (__| < __/ |_ ___) | (_) | (__| | __/ |_| |_| |
|_| \_\___/ \___|_|\_\___|\__| |____/ \___/ \___|_|\___|\__|\__, |
|___/
--Frank Chu
%
<loiosh> now, why is it that I can remember the theme song from Sidekicks, but
not the syntax used with the perl mkdir function?
%
o8o o8o o8o
`"' `"' `"'
oooo ooo. .oo. oooo ooo. .oo. .oo. oooo .ooooo. oooo oooo .oooo.o
`888 `888P"Y88b `888 `888P"Y88bP"Y88b `888 d88' `"Y8 `888 `888 d88( "8
888 888 888 888 888 888 888 888 888 888 888 `"Y88b.
888 888 888 888 888 888 888 888 888 .o8 888 888 o. )88b
o888o o888o o888o o888o o888o o888o o888o o888o `Y8bod8P' `V88V"V8P' 8""888P'
o8o
`"'
.ooooo. oooo oooo oooo d8b oooo .oooo. .ooooo.
d88' `"Y8 `888 `888 `888""8P `888 `P )88b d88' `88b
888 888 888 888 888 .oP"888 888ooo888
888 .o8 888 888 888 888 d8( 888 888 .o
`Y8bod8P' `V88V"V8P' d888b o888o `Y888""8o `Y8bod8P'
%
<CrackMonkey> So now to get out of their network, I have to use some stupid
proprietary palm-pilog password genorator-thing.
<loiosh> dude
<loiosh> That's a one-time pad Turing wouldn't have wiped his ass with.
%
<@loiosh> i want to write a roman a clef about the linux demimonde
<@loiosh> in LaTeX.
%
<@Zen> WHERE DOES FUNNY COME FROM?
%
<@loiosh> dude, the french tried to make reggae with white people. i have
proof.
%
<@loiosh> THERE'S A BLAXPLOITATION PLANET????????
%
<*emad> and he claimed that all the recent shark attacks were becaue the red
cross was dumping gallons of blood off the coast
<*emad> hence the current "blood shortage"
%
<loiosh> I want a Wang computer.
%
<Zen> But on the plus side
<Zen> POP TARTS
<Zen> Dude, did you know they cost $3.50 per box now?
<Zen> That's, like, $40 per week!
%
<@loiosh> also, booty.
%
<@loiosh> Hitachi: bad cafeteria, good magic wand
%
(while discussing tradewars)
<*@emad> crackmonkey, sounds like some sort of multilevel marketing
<*@emad> lets see if we can get that started
<*@emad> crackmonkey, I'll sell you some fuel ore for 300 a hold
%
(@CrackMonkey) <Cruella> Anyway - I've got to leave now to hunt down my prey
through the streets of London
(@CrackMonkey) ha ha
(@CrackMonkey) goddamn goths
(@CrackMonkey) this network is full of great channels
<@pedro> "but when i say london, i mean Shreveport"
<@pedro> "and by prey, i mean Jade, my goth friend who is in this LARP with
me"
<@pedro> so i could have just as easiely said,
<@pedro> "i have to hunt down Jade through the streets of Shreveport"
%
<@sneakums> there is no higher calling than to troll online news sources
%
<*@spork> #IFDEF COMEDY JAM
%
<@loiosh> MEAT TRAY RAFFLE
%
These people program the way Victorians dress. It takes two hours and three
assistants to put on your clothes, and you have to change before dinner. But
everything is modular.
--Miles Nordin, on PAM
%
If Java itself is portable, then why isn't there a portable way to install and
run a Java program without dealing with spaghetti .class-files, setting
CLASSPATH, and referring to arcane modules contained within .jar files? Why do
we have to use a Unix shell script to start a supposedly-portable Java program?
--Miles Nordin
%
If Freenet were a C program, it would have been picked up by all the Unix
package collections by now, and would be just as easy to install as lynx or
mutt. Since it's written in Java, it's a portability nightmare, and only a
small inner circle has gotten it almost-working. Java's decoy claims of
portability have in effect killed the Freenet, and dragged the Freenet
architecture down to the same level of broken fantastic promises that Java
makes. ``The mythical Freenet about which we have heard so much.''
--Miles Nordin
%
<@Octal> Feel the rhythm, feel the rhyme, come on everybody, it's soldering
time!
<Atob> It is not.
<@Octal> You're right, the iron has to warm up first.
%
You're talking to *Mr. Bad*, sir. The world-renowned Mr. Bad. He's
somebody, and if you're not his fool yet, you will be.
--Carlos Laviola
%
.. [reply/ping] from Zen [182.100 seconds]
<@Zen> I get IRC in digest form.
%
<+Dumont> TurboLinux is a distribution made exclusively to run TurboPascal.
<Atob> I hate TurboPascal, it reminds me of ugly hookers.
%
Ill-informed qmail-bashing is better than no qmail-bashing at all.
--Don Marti
%
<emad> w:<
(@CrackMonkey) emad has a whitecastle on his head
<@Zen> Or a worm.
<@sneakums> ha ha emad
<@sneakums> you hobo
<@Zen> It hits! It hits!
<@Zen> WHERE IS IT?!
%
From a catalog circa 1967:
The PDP-10 includes an extremely powerful processor with 15 index
registers, 16 accumulators, and 8,192 words of 36-bit core memory, a
300-character-per-second paper tape reader, a 50-character-per-second
paper tape punch, a console teleprinter, and a two-level priority
interrupt subsystem. PDP-10/20 adds two DECtapes, PDP-10/30 includes
16,384 words of memory and additional I/O devices. PDP-10/40 adds an
extended order code and a memory protection and relocation feature. And
PDP-10/50 permits swapping between 32,768 words of memory and fast
access disk file via the multiplexer/selector channel, and includes
multiprogramming time-sharing software.
%
A thought now races through my mind of a January morning and a sermon I seem to
have preached. She was wearing blue jeans, if I remember anything at such a
distance, and I know I had on slacks with funny pockets, that some people might
keep tools inside of. In the morning, putting off what I really had to say,
postponing it, fearing it, I preached about tinkering, technology, community,
generality, the long-lost ideals of scientists and hobbyists, about what we had
to lose if we lost generality. I preached about the end-to-end model and, as
Alan Perlis said, "the ability to see the machine as more than when you were
first led up to it, that you can make it more". I preached about what the
advance of technology meant to me as a person and where it touched me and who
wanted to threaten it, and the wickedness, the spiritual deadness which was
prepared to stand up against that light, to obstruct it... O techne, o techne!
And that was self-expression, so that she might see me properly for a moment.
-- Seth David Schoen, 5 April 2002
%
<+drwiii> man
<+drwiii> whoever made mint-flavored envelopes should run for president
%
For most of us, politics is an impossible toy that bears neither logic nor
reason. I always felt that one of the virtues of democracy is that the fools
and charlatans will be elected to public office--and, because they can be
bought or sold like fish, will leave the rest of us alone. the only times our
country is in danger--true danger--is when some idealist finds himself in a
position of power. Because they nurse beautiful ideals to their ambitious
breasts--they will sacrifice you and me to those ideals without a qualm. More
wars sprouted in this country during times of saints than fools--Lincoln,
Wilson, Roosevelt (the younger), and Kennedy managed to spill more blood,
between them, than any Eisenhower or Harding or Tyler.
-- Lorenzo Milam
%
> I am a graphic designer, web designer, illustrator and am interested in
> working with you. I have attached my resume as a word.doc. You can also view
> that and my work samples at www.BASSARTS.com/resume.htm.
Mr. Bass,
Thank you for your big, stupid, unsolicited Word document, which I did not
read. We're currently not hiring graphic designers, web designers OR
illustrators, who are a dime a dozen and goddamned annoying primadonnas to
boot. The combination of the three must be damned near intolerable.
Our only openings right now are for spitoon cleaners and cosmonauts, and we're
reserving those positions as union featherbeds. Anyways, I doubt your skills
would apply -- you wouldn't know how to dock to Mir if your life depended on
it.
We will keep your resume on file for 6 months just in case another job comes up
that we can reject you for.
Good luck in your future endeavors,
~Mr. Bad
%
-----BEGIN GEEK CODE BLOCK-----
Version: 4.0
I am a geek.
------END GEEK CODE BLOCK------
-Sean Neakums
%
<@Zen> So Sean's toaster has two settings:
<@Zen> toast
<@Zen> and bagel.
<@Zen> But it's not a switch/
<@Zen> It's a dial.
<@Zen> So I guess if your bread is 60% bagel
<@Zen> this toaster can handle it.
%
You are in a maze of testy little Java VMs, all subtly different.
%
02:23 < drwiii> do do do do do
02:23 < drwiii> inspector gadget
02:23 < drwiii> do do do do do do doo, *ooh oooh*
02:23 < drwiii> do do do do do
02:23 < drwiii> inspector gadget
02:23 < drwiii> do do do do doooo.. do doo!
02:23 < drwiii> go gadget go
02:23 < drwiii> da do do do do do da do do do do
02:23 < drwiii> go gadget go
02:24 < drwiii> da do do do doo, do do, do doo do doo
02:24 < drwiii> do do do do do
02:24 < drwiii> inspector gadget
02:24 < drwiii> do do do do do do doo, *ooh oooh*
02:24 < drwiii> do do do do do
02:24 < drwiii> inspector gadget
02:24 < drwiii> dooooo doooo
02:24 < drwiii> DOOOOOO dooooo
02:24 < drwiii> DOOO doo DOO doo!
02:24 < drwiii> do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do
02:25 < drwiii> Dahn da dahn da daa, Da Da! Daaahhhhhhh....
%
[sent from an Internet Cafe in Tokyo]
Date: Mon, 13 Jan 2003 23:53:27 -0800 (PST)
From: George Moffitt <gmoffit@linfield.edu>
To: Student News <student@linfield.edu>
Subject: Greetings from 17:00.
Through a complicated process known only to my family and the
major aeronautics corporations, a recent event has catapulted me into the
future. Inconvenient as this may sound, it is providing magnificently
lucrative fortune-telling opportunities. Interested parties should write
their questions on the back of a $50 bill and mail them to
George Moffitt
The Future
Prompt replies cannot be guaranteed, but accuracy is a sure thing!
Please include return postage.
%
21:57 <@Octal> remember, you can't spell slaughter without laughter
%
21:21 <@inkblot> Long hours hacking
21:21 <@inkblot> make code run smooth
21:21 <@inkblot> but not your face
21:21 <@inkblot> Burma Shave
%
On the subject of Australia:
00:48 <loiosh> this country has a disturbing lack of stick deodorant
%
15:25 <@Zen> What are they?
15:25 <@CrackMonkey> segway
15:25 <@CrackMonkey> it's like a wheelchair for people who aren't crippled
15:26 <@inkblot> http://www.segway.com/ <-- ha ha segway
15:26 <@Zen> That is so sick.
15:27 <@Zen> I'll buy one when they fly and shoot lasers.
%
23:36 <@Atob> Typing Esperants in Dvorak on a HURD box would generate so much
communist energy that the cold war would restart. Except this
time it'll be me in charge, and I'm not in a perestroika mood.
%
09:02 <fishmael> dude
09:02 <fishmael> i am so moving to damascus
%
22:50 <@clavicle> if you can mail order russian brides, you surely can order
cachaca.
%
11:58 <@sneakums> ( 2:42) The Hatchet Song - Sparklehorse
11:58 <+Dumont> 242 Sighting!
11:59 <@CrackMonkey> (Spacklehorse)
11:59 <@inkblot> it's like you started the word in boston and finished it in
kentucky
%
Proprietary software aggravates selfishness. Of course, people do have a
selfish side, but that's not the full story, although business will tell you
otherwise. Free software doesn't ask you to be unselfish. It asks you to be
selfish in a non-harmful way. It never forces you to be kind and altruistic.
It _allows_ you to be kind and altruistic. Most people will want to help
friends once in a while, and free software allows it. Proprietary software
doesn't, and that's not a good thing for cooperation in society.
-- Richard M. Stallman, http://www.kde.org/history/rms.php
%
That's an important consideration. If the only way to get past Bayesian filters
is to write spams more cleverly, we've made spamming a lot harder, because
we've shifted the burden of cleverness from the few comparatively smart people
who write spamware to the large number of stupider people who write the spams.
-- Paul Graham, in "So Far, So Good"
<http://www.paulgraham.com/sofar.html>
%
The hardest kind of spams to catch are those I've called "spam of the future"--
a little plain text plus a url:
Hey there. Check out the following:
http://www.blackboxhosting.com/foo
The future has arrived. I regularly see spams like this now. I still catch
nearly all of them-- headers alone would be enough to catch most current spam--
but the .3% of spam that I miss is mostly spam of the future.
In spam of the future, the sales pitch is pushed one step back. Instead of
being contained in the email itself, as in an ordinary spam, it is waiting a
click away on a web site.
This trend is encouraging, because it implies that filters are winning. Spam is
literally retreating. (This is more than a symbolic victory; each extra step
cuts response rates.)
-- Paul Graham, in "So Far, So Good"
<http://www.paulgraham.com/sofar.html>
%
Me? I'm now about 1/5 of the way through a new lisp implementation.
It's almost 1000 lines, now. It has something to piss off everyone...
-- Tom Lord, in comp.lang.lisp
%
All he knows is that going down on his knees before the CFO or being embarassed
in front of the customer is an afront to his dignity. The
Suit-of-the-Imagination has a birthright to perpetual and uninterrupted
dignity.
-- Tom Lord, in comp.lang.lisp
%
[talking about California proposition 53]
12:19 <@psykoyiko> 53 actually takes money from education for infrastructure
12:20 <@Atob> I'd vote for it.
12:21 <@Atob> I'm scarred for life by the transport minister from Sim City 2000
12:21 <@Atob> YOU MUST SPEND MORE MONEY ON ROADS
12:21 <@Atob> SPEND
12:21 <@Atob> MORE
12:21 <@Atob> MONEY
12:21 <@Atob> ON
12:21 <@Atob> ROAD
12:21 <@Atob> *I WAS 13 YEARS OLD*
%
I have been looking through the 1976 Byte magazines. It is interesting that
there are lots of ads for lots of computers and circuit boards, TV terminals
and components, but none for software. At the time, in the hobbyist market,
software was something you gave away or traded. A subject to write articles
about in magazines and newsletters.
-- Peter Jennings, The History of Microchess
<http://www.benlo.com/microchess6.html>
%
17:54 * rasher kicks Dumont
17:55 <@inkblot> that's not how you kick someone in irc
17:55 <@inkblot> here let me show you
17:55 -!- rasher was kicked from #tron by inkblot [inkblot]
%
11:52 <@Atob> It occurs to me, as I await the completion of the second rar
segment, that the sheer strength of my desire to download MS Bob
is neither rational nor necessarily healthy.
%
11:49 <@Atob> Trannyslvania.
11:49 <@Atob> They should have allocated codes to every pre-WWI kingdom.
11:50 <@CrackMonkey> Piedmont-Sardinia would get .ps
11:50 <@CrackMonkey> or maybe each one would get its own
11:50 <@CrackMonkey> pd for piedmont, sd for sardinia
11:50 <@Atob> They'd need to use the 3 letter codes.
11:50 <@CrackMonkey> srd
11:51 <@Atob> Otherwise Puerto Rico and Prussia would have to have a war.
11:51 <@CrackMonkey> they ought to anyway
11:51 <@Atob> They did.
11:51 <@Atob> 1939-1945
11:51 <+Dumont> -6
11:52 <@Atob> Thanks.
%
21:35 <@squinky> I am considering whether it is worth the effort to make a
beer-tap system that uses grotesquely long rubber phalluses as
the dispensing mechanism.
%
22:58 <@CrackMonkey> 22:11 <dear> star kayitli bir nick degil.
22:58 <@Octal> That's not Turkish, that's my wife!
23:01 <@Octal> I was originally going to say that it was some constructed
language, but then I realized I'd have to get down to like
volapuk before I said one nobody in this channel speaks.
%
17:05 <Atob> In the future, you'll require a Bastard card to NOT have your
organs harvested.
17:05 <Atob> I'd probably get one and show it to everyone.
17:05 <Atob> And they'd be like, "Shucks, Atob, you are such a bastard."
17:05 <Atob> But I wouldn't sign it.
17:05 <Atob> And a little tear would crawl out of my eye when I watch The
Snowman.
17:06 <Atob> I'd be like the whore with a heart but instead of a whore I'd be a
bastard.
17:07 <Atob> And instead of a heart it'd be an ATLAS.
%
11:41 <@Zen> so I saw the Last Samurai
11:41 <@Zen> last night
11:42 <@Zen> and it turns out it's NOT a prequel to the Last Starfighter.
%
If you carefully examine the intercal package (which was not
available for a month depsite emails about it being a 404), you will
discover that . is in ESR's PATH.
-- Joey Hess
%
Marc MERLIN wrote:
> On Thu, Feb 19, 2004 at 12:35:14PM -0800, John Mark Walker wrote:
> > On Thu, 19 Feb 2004, Michael Jennings wrote:
> > > I don't think I've really respected ESR since I had to help him
> > > connect his VA laptop to the VA network for a VA board meeting.
> >
> > You and me both. I was shocked at how little he understood in terms of
> > networking. Couldn't do the most basic 'route' and 'ifconfig' commands
> > to save his life.
>
> I had to make his fetchmail work with his sendmail on his laptop
>
> Pathetic...
%
03:10 <@sneakums> I wonder if someone's written a dissertation yet on the google logo.
03:10 <@sneakums> Note how the two Gs are blue
03:11 <@sneakums> yet the Os are different colours, and the E is the same colour as one of the Os!
03:11 <@sneakums> there must be gigabytes of satanic information encoded here
%
16:08 <neale> I wrote a wiki in Objective Caml.
16:08 <neale> Now I need to learn french so I can run it.
%
11:32 <@CrackMonkey> KICK IT UP A NOTCH THX
11:32 <@sneakums> take it to the bridge now
11:32 <@CrackMonkey> no
11:32 <@sneakums> Please.
11:32 <@sneakums> They need it, over at the bridge.
%
Many on Jack Valenti's side of the divide treasure their creative freedom and
fight like dogs against any who would block it. They would never dream of
permitting a system in which every film had to be approved by the state, but
they are advocating a system in which every program has to be approved by the
state, because a lot of them think that all programs come either from faceless
corporations like Microsoft or from criminal vandals.
We software creators need to insist that creative applies to us.
-- Joe Buck, in a comment on lessig.org
%
There is a continuum between "derivative work" and "doctrine of merger."
I'd prefer we stayed as close as possible to the latter, NOT see how close
we can get to the former without getting hauled into court.
-- Karen J. Cravens
%
So, I move that we rename the Pigdog list "The Ronald Wilson Reagan National
Mailing List", after the greatest president this country has ever had, except
for President Jesus.
~Mr. Bad
%
By way of Joe Marshall in comp.lang.lisp:
Here's an anecdote I heard once about Minsky. He was showing a student how to
use ITS to write a program. ITS was an unusual operating system in that the
`shell' was the DDT debugger. You ran programs by loading them into memory and
jumping to the entry point. But you can also just start writing assembly code
directly into memory from the DDT prompt. Minsky started with the null
program. Obviously, it needs an entry point, so he defined a label for that.
He then told the debugger to jump to that label. This immediately raised an
error of there being no code at the jump target. So he wrote a few lines of
code and restarted the jump instruction. This time it succeeded and the first
few instructions were executed. When the debugger again halted, he looked at
the register contents and wrote a few more lines. Again proceeding from where
he left off he watched the program run the few more instructions. He developed
the entire program by `debugging' the null program.
%
10:38 <@inkblot> while i was working on this i was thinking about how we should
use branches for major NUVs
10:38 <@inkblot> called like lnx-bbc--linux-nuv--2.6
10:38 <@CrackMonkey> ahhhh
10:38 <@CrackMonkey> I think that's good developer archive practice
10:38 <@CrackMonkey> like
10:39 <@CrackMonkey> tag off stable/research onto zork
10:39 <@CrackMonkey> into like a lnx-bbc--gcc-nuv--3.3
10:39 <@CrackMonkey> get gcc upgraded
10:39 <@CrackMonkey> and then star-merge it back in, killing the branch
10:41 <@inkblot> and after a while our arch archives will provide the sort of
historical record that outsiders like ESR can use to *really*
understand open source
%
14:43 <@Zen> I have written a number of clever self-contradicting poems
14:43 <@Zen> which I will accompany with a piano melody of my own composition.
14:43 <@Zen> It exemplifies the concept of "strange loops"
14:44 <@Zen> while being mathematically complex
14:44 <@Zen> and devoid of any and all artistry.
14:44 <@Zen> The performance will last three hours, and there is no intermission.
14:44 <@Zen> Dude, I could so do Hofstadter's job these days.
%
The Dictator Test:
A licence is not Free if it prohibits actions which, in the absence of
acceptance of the licence, would be allowed by copyright or other applicable
laws.
License grantors do not have a private right of legislation; that is, they
are not dictators who can subject you to their personal jurisdiction through
a license.
-- Branden Robinson in
http://lists.debian.org/debian-legal/2004/07/msg00097.html
%
Let Rome in Tiber melt, and the wide arch
Of the ranged empire fall! Here is my space.
Kingdoms are clay.
-- Shakespeare, "Antony and Cleopatra" I:1
%
Though the great song return no more
There's keen delight in what we have:
The rattle of pebbles on the shore
Under the receding wave.
-- W. B. Yeats, The Nineteenth Century And After
%
And for all of you who think that asking "will
somebody somewhere do X for money?" is the way to
answer "is it right to do X?", your moral compass
is sitting on the main magnet of a superconducting
superbullshit collider.
-- Don Marti, on Google's decision to cooperate with the PRC in
censoring Google News China.
%
16:07 <@psykoyiko> [dave@jefito(~)] uname -r
16:07 <@psykoyiko> 2.6.9y
16:07 <@psykoyiko> ^-- y being the result of blindlingly hitting 'y' during
make oldconfig
%
<@squinky> DIRECTIONS: For best results, remove cap, hold applicator tip close
to food, press tip firmly, and move slowly across food surface.
<@squinky> I, however, maintain that the best result is to spray the cheese
directly into your mouth.
<@squinky> Most of my friends consider themselves superior to aerosol cheese.
I think of myself as superior in fact to most kinds of cheese, but
not above eating them.
%