From: ewp@cditi.UUCP (Rick Prins)
Subject: Answers to the famous 'Final Exam'
Date: Mon, 21 Sep 1998 19:20:00 PDT
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny.reruns


[Ed:  Recently somebody on rec.humor posted the famous 'ultimate final
exam' posting once again.  Well, this poster came up with some actual
worthwhile answers.  Here they are.]
=========================================================================

Instructions:  Read each question thoroughly.  Answer all questions.
Time limit:  4 hours.  Begin immediately.

[Ed:  The full test can be found in the Joka-Cola Classic section.]

PUBLIC SPEAKING.  2500 riot-crazed aborigines are storming the
classroom.  Calm them.  You may use any ancient language except Latin
or Greek.

     The proper response is:  "G'day mates!  Yahoo Serious will be out
     in a few moments.  While you're waiting, I'll just throw a few
     shrimp on the barby for ya, and you can help yourselves to a few
     pots of Foster's.  Right?  Right."

SOCIOLOGY.  Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany
the end of the world.  Construct an experiment to test your theory.

     The only problems would be from the car sales people and lawyers
     on why they can't get to the promised land.  The lawyers will try
     to appeal, and the sales people will try to finance or trade one
     another (for less than blue book) to get in.

ENGINEERING.  The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been
placed in your desk.  You will also find an instruction manual printed
in Swahili.  In ten minutes, a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to
the room.  Take whatever action you feel appropriate.  Be prepared to
justify your decision.

     Call management in room.  Inform management that engineering has
     had enough of cleaning up after sales demos and will not tolerate
     this shit.  Storm out of room leaving bewildered management to
     deal with dissasembled rifle and hungry tiger.  I mean, if
     management had been on the ball, the gun would be assembled and
     the tiger would have been fed.

POLITICAL SCIENCE.  There is a red telephone on the desk beside you.
Start World War III.  Report at length on its socio-political effects,
if any.

     Inform Kremlin that our entire nuclear arsenal accidentally
     launched towards them.  This should start a major skirmish.  After
     the exchange and near total destruction of the world, the only
     socio-political effect will be if we have enough shrimp and
     Fosters for the Aborigines who are still waiting for Yahoo Serious
     (they seemed to think that the big flash and noise was another
     Serious invention).

EPISTEMOLOGY.  Take a position for or against the truth.  Prove the
validity of your position.

     I speak the truth.  Everything I say is a lie.

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE.  Describe in detail.  Be objective and specific.

     Life is a scam.

EXTRA CREDIT.  Define the Universe.  Give three examples.
      Time is relative.
      Time is money.
      Money is relative.
      Relatives cost money.
      Time is relative, and don't let your relatives spend too much
            time (or money).
      
      ex 1: Aunt Irma visits.
      ex 2: Aunt Irma won't leave.
      ex 3: You wind up buying Aunt Irma a 1 way ticket to
            anywhere.  Thus depleting your vacation fund.  Now you must
            go back to work.


--
From the RHF archives as selected by Brad Templeton, Maddi Hausmann and
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