When in need for a handy phrase to descibe a person's lack of mental capacity, try the following. These are actual lines out of Officer Efficiency Report performance appraisals for the military: - Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. - Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching. - Got a full 6-pack but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together. - A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus. - A photographic memory but whith the lens cover glued on. - A prime candidate for natural deselection. - Bright as Alaska in December. - One-celled organisms outscore him on IQ tests. - Donated his body to science before he was done using it. - Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming. - Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it. - He's so dense, light bends around him. - If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week. - If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change. - If you stand close to him, you can hear the ocean. - It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm. - One neuron short of a synapse. - Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead. Along the same lines, some quotations from actual performance evaluations: "Since my last report, this employee has hit rock bottom and has started to dig." "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity." "I would not allow this employee to breed." "This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely a won't-be." "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap." "When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there." "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle." "This young lady has delusions of adequacy." "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them." "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better." "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."