PLEASE FORWARD/POST AS APPROPRIATE ================================================================ mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR") Issue Number 1999-07 July, 1999 ISSN 1076-500X Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the ---------------------------------------------------------------- A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), the journal of inflated research and personalities ================================================================ ----------------------------- 1999-07-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS 1999-07-01 Table of Contents 1999-07-02 mini-Housekeeping 1999-07-03 What's New in AIR Itself 1999-07-04 Bacterial Brunch 1999-07-05 The Story on X and Y 1999-07-06 Boring 1999-07-07 Your Brain, and Einstein's 1999-07-08 Nothing 1999-07-09 Triple-X Astronomy 1999-07-10 "Pictoral Concept Ship" TRULY Explained 1999-07-11 Fashion Plate on a Mountain Top 1999-07-12 Precision Measurement 1999-07-13 Ig's A-Coming 1999-07-14 Psychologists' Final Fling 1999-07-15 Textual Italian Half-Naked Women 1999-07-16 Our Charming Ineptness 1999-07-17 Project AIRhead 2000 1999-07-18 Big Number Competition 1999-07-19 May We Recommend 1999-07-20 AIRhead Events 1999-07-21 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) 1999-07-22 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) 1999-07-23 Our Address (*) 1999-07-24 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue. mini-AIR is a free monthly *e-supplement* to AIR, the print magazine ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-07-02 mini-Housekeeping If you also subscribe to AIR itself, please see section 1999-07-16 for an announcing concerning our charming ineptness. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-07-03 What's New in AIR Itself AIR 5:4 (July/August 1999) is the special "COFFEE & TEA²" issue, with a cover picture (of tea-drinking Nobellian William Lipscomb, visible at http://www.improbable.com) suitable for hanging in the department coffee lounge. Contents include: "Pertinent and Impertinent Research on Coffee (and Tea)," by Alice Shirell Kaswell. An over- and under-view of the scientific literature concerning coffee and tea, highlighting many of the least important and least know aspects. "Coffee and Tea Science (CATS) for Dummies, by Harold P. Dowd (with a "w," not a "u"). The author explains how he filled two pages. Includes a photograph of a coffee filter. "Biscuitry at the Cutting Edge," by Laminar Baltha. An under and overview of the dunking, fracturing, pleasantness, and other scientifically documented aspects of biscuits. Includes citations to the landmark reports "Dog Biscuits and Sheep" and "Chocolate Biscuits are Poisonous and Should Be Banned by the year 2000." "A Quantum Mechanical Interpretation of Homeopathy," by Michael H.F. Wilkinson. The author presents the first intentionally incomprehensible explanation of whether and how Homeopathy works. It is, however, less incomprehensible than all the other explanations. These and many, many other articles and features are in the current issue of AIR. Isn't it time you subscribed? Of course it is. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-07-04 Bacterial Brunch This month's Scientific Correctness Survey (#94) is about food. Strict vegetarians avoid eating meat, but consider anything else to be fair game (so to speak). Biologists classify most bacteria as being neither animal nor vegetable. If offered a good home- cooked meal of baked, stuffed bacteria, what's a strict vegetarian to do? This month's question: Are strict vegetarians allowed to eat bacteria? -- Yes -- No -- Other (please specify in 25 words or less) Please send your vote to ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-07-05 The Story on X and Y Rants, raves, and ballots poured in last month, seeking to answer once and for all time our Scientific Correctness Survey (#17). The question was: On average, which group is more intelligent: men or women? The answer it turns out, is Women, buy a whopping 72% to 41%. Many people voted twice, which rather skewed the totals. A plurality of voters opted for one choice while delivering a carefully worded disclaimer. A reader with the odd name "BlooFlame," put it thusly: This is one of those questions which quickly becomes recursive (as in "Damn! Damn! How do I answer this?"), because if men are smarter, then they will, in self-interest, proclaim women to be smarter. Here are other, more and less insightful, comments. (Each voter's party affiliation is noted in parentheses.) "Women are definitely smarter than men." --Laura Hall (F) "We just are. It needs no explanation." --Michelle Mosmeyer (F) "Women are smarter. Obviously, the initiator of this poll is a male, because women KNOW the answer to this question, and have no need to ask it." --Sandra L. Bailey (F) "Given the political climate these days, all I know is that anyone who votes in this survey is *not* too intelligent." --Ross Durland (M) "Presupposing a world-wide prevalence of heterosexual behavior, it is obvious that men are far more intelligent than women. I mean, look at them! They try to sleep with *us*!" --Marcelo Rinesi (M) "Men. In German herrlichkeit (origin herr, man like) means being divine while daemlichkeit (origin dame, another word for woman; women like) means being stupid." --Thomas Vogler (M) "On average there are more women in the world than men. Therefore their average intelligence will be higher." --Michael Lean (M, and demonstrating a novel grasp of mathematics) "Of course it's women. Duh." --Susan Woram (F) "Men. God told me so. Just last night as a matter of fact, His voice came through the microwave as I was heating some tomato soup." --Tom Rose ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-07-06 Boring Our selection for boring web site of the month can be found at http://www.boring.com (Thanks to Stephen Pratt for bringing it fleetingly to our attention.) ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-07-07 Your Brain, and Einstein's Last month's AIRhead Brain Research Survey asked you to choose one of the following: * * * ____My brain is JUST LIKE Einstein's brain ____My brain is shaped BETTER THAN Einstein's brain ____My brain is shaped like a MEDIOCRE, AVERAGE brain Optional insightful comment (25 words max): Here are the results. The vast majority (69%) report having a brain or brains shaped BETTER THAN Einstein's. 12% report having a brain that is MEDIOCRE, AVERAGE. 19% report having a brain that is JUST LIKE Einstein's, at least in shape. Here are some thoughtful explanations: "I don't really care to take it out and check just for your survey." Robert Wiegand "I'm not one to brag, but my brain is shaped way better than Einstein's. I mean, have you seen pictures of the guy. He was no Mr. Olympia. But through years of brain exercises I have developed a pleasing curve to my occiput, as well as bulging parietals. And my Broca's area has been known to make women swoon. Nature also endowed me with a thick oblongata (nine inches oblong). So let Einstein take all the recognition for changing humankind's perception of itself blah, blah, blah. I got a way better brain." Joseph Olivier "My brain is shaped BETTER THAN Einstein's brain. Neanderthal Men had larger brains then present men. Coming from Wuppertal (next to Neanderthal) I hope I have inherited something." Frank Stephan "My brain is shaped like a MEDIOCRE, AVERAGE brain. Any claim to a shape above (beyond?) mediocrity might unduly raise my supervisor's expectations, and then I would indeed NEED to have a brain shaped like Einstein's to finish my thesis." Kimberley Scully "My brain is JUST LIKE Einstein's brain. Duh-huh. You bet." Paul R. Koch ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-07-08 Nothing ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-07-09 Triple-X Astronomy Having trouble getting your research published? Investigator James W. Barrett has received a brochure soliciting contributions to the Elsevier journal "Astroparticle Physics." The brochure says, "If you are interested in submitting your paper and unprintable items to "Astroparticle Physics", please contact us..." Inspired by this, Barrett has become the founding editor of a new AIR-affiliated scientific publication titled "Journal of XXX-Ray Astronomy." The new journal will print only non-paper items (when we figure out what those are) and, on rare occasions, printable items. To submit items for publication, fire them off to: J.W. Barrett, editor Journal of XXX-Ray Astronomy c/o Chandra X-Ray Observatory PO Box 86 Inclination: 28.5 degrees Perigee altitude: 10,000 kilometers Apogee altitude: 140,000 kilometers Ascending node: 200 degrees Argument of perigee: 270 degrees Postal Code 300000000 Solar System Please include two photocopies and a self-addressed, stamped return vehicle. ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-07-10 "Pictoral Concept Ship" TRULY Explained The truth was out there. Now it's in here. All prior theories, supposed proofs, and other claims (see mini-AIR last month) are simply wrong. In mini-AIR 1999-05 we asked for the meaning of the phrase "Pictoral Concept Ship." Investigator Chris Ramsden had alerted us to its existence. Now, at last we have discovered, (thanks to investigator Richard Burnham) the one, true story. The truth is elegant. The truth is simple. You can see it at http://www.biad.uce.ac.uk/research/students/clarke/clarke.html As you will see there, Robert J. Clarke, the originator of the phrase, writes there that he "would welcome communication from [those] who share my interest." If you share his interest, you will undoubtedly communicate with him. ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-07-11 Fashion Plate on a Mountain Top Congratulations to investigator Roberto Soria of the Mount Stromlo Observatory in Weston Creek, ACT, Australia, for being the 100,000th visitor to our web site http://www.improbable.com since January 1. Soria is the imminent owner of a spiffy Ig Nobel tee shirt. ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-07-12 Precision Measurement We are proud to announce the first mini-AIR "SPECIAL MENTION" for Precision Measuring. It is awarded to the People's Democratic Republic of Korea's Korean Central News Agency. Their web site http://www.kcna.co.jp/calendar/99_06.htm announced on June 11 that: It is an unshakable will of the Korean revolutionary armed forces never to pardon those who violate even 0.001 mm of the sky, the land and the sea of the fatherland, in defence of their sovereignty. Thanks to investigator Svend Bjoern Waldorff for bringing this to our attention. Waldorff cautions that: The Site Entrance states that a lot of Copyright is adhered to this Text, rather in conflict -- it would seem -- with the whole idea of Communism. Do not hold me responsible if Minisubmarines from the DPRK start appearing in your bathtub. ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-07-13 Ig's A-Coming The 1999 Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony is fast approaching (it will occur on September 30). TICKETS GO ON SALE AUGUST 6. Info is posted on the Ig home page http://www.improbable.com/ig/ig-top.html We have put up lots of photos and even a video clip. Best of all, there is now a complete list of past winners, with extensive links to demonstrate what these people have, er, accomplished. ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-07-14 Psychologists' Final Fling AIR editorial board member Louis G. Lippman of Western Washington University is co-editing, with Diana Mahony of Brigham Young University's wandering Hawaii Campus, a special topics issue of "The Journal of General Psychology" devoted to Humor and Laughter. If you would like to help Lippman and Mahony test how many psychologists are familiar with the concept of humor, please email . ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-07-15 Textual Italian Half-Naked Women Do all Italian science books have half-naked women on the cover, or do merely a majority of them? We posed the question last month upon learning that the publisher the Italian-language edition of the AIR book ["La scienza impossibile. Il Meglio degli <>, published by Garzanti, ISBN 88-11-59291-7] went the babe route. The answer is still unclear, but here are some observations and conjectures: "Perhaps more interesting than the apparently excessive use of naked flesh in science publications, is the amount of laboratory equipment found in Italian porn." --Alastair Orchard "I had a textbook once (I think it was Jones' "Gynecology" which featured a totally naked man and woman on the cover -- Massacio's 'The Driving Forth From Eden' with a weeping, anguished Eve. It was so sexist I threw it out." --Kirsten Emmott "Alas, I have no Italian science books, but I was struck when I saw the cover to a U.S. human physiology text ('Human Anatomy and Physiology,' sixth edition by John W. Hole, Jr) published in 1993. It features a quite well formed gentleman wearing skin-tight shorts only and posing with arms overhead, muscles flexed. Quite a contrast (pleasant one, actually) to the usual cover." --Ellen Friedman "I have never seen an italian science book featuring half-naked women on the cover. More naked women on (and in) physics books, however, would without any doubt decrease the time Italian students need to reach their degree." --Paolo Falco ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-07-16 Our Charming Ineptness The mighty AIR circulation database has had another little adventure. If you subscribe to AIR (the magnificent print journal -- as contrasted to mini-AIR, the tiny supplement which you are reading now), and you have not yet received your copy of the special "Tea & Coffee" issue (vol. 5, no. 4), do not panic. Our mighty circulation database had another hiccupping fit, and so did not send copies to all of the subscribers. We are administering hiccup medicine to the machine, and will get the missing copies out to you soon. In the meantime, please do not hiccup yourself, and please do not panic. ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-07-17 Project AIRhead 2000 Here is a further random selection from the Project AIRhead 2000 collection of things inexplicably named (in whole or in part) 2000. ITEMS 906 AND 906A (submitted by investigator Michael Lean) Investigator Lean reports: I am using a MARTEC CONVECTOR 2000 room heater. As well, it contains, according to the badge, a 2000 POWER SYSTEM. Two for the price of one. ITEM 60223 (submitted by investigator Frank Nice) WURTH HHS 2000, of which it is claimed that "this high pressure synthetic lubricant stays where you spray it to penetrate, lubricate, and protect." ITEM 90233 (submitted by investigator Dan Morenus) TARGET EMAIL 2000, a junk-mail operation that insists " We advocate responsible email marketing." ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-07-18 Big Number Competition We invite you to take part in the AIRhead Big Number Competition. The goal is to find the institution which insists on using the longest account numbers. The record holder, so far as we are aware, is 33 (thirty-three) digits, the standard newly adopted by Harvard University. (See http://www.adapt.harvard.edu/ for details. Thanks to Sheldon Glashow for bringing this to our attention.) If your institution can beat this, please send the news to . [DISCLAIMER: We realize that this competition will likely trigger an add-a-digit arms race between the administrations of various institutions. So be it.) ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-07-19 May We Recommend Research reports that merit a trip to the library. (This item is in addition to the many, many which appear in the pages of AIR itself.) CREAMY SEX DIFFERENCES "Ice cream preference: Gender differences in taste and quality," Jenifer Kunz, Perceptual-and-Motor-Skills, vol. 77, no. 3, part 2, December 1993, pp. 1097-8. (Thanks to Iris Dolan for bringing this to our attention.) The author reports that: ³For 3 brands of chocolate chip ice cream, 69 college women showed a taste- and quality-related preference for the most expensive brand, while 53 college men preferred the least expensive brand.² RAD SAUSAGES "Gamma Radurisation of Vienna Sausages," M.L Wessels, A. du Plessis, Food Ind. S. Afr., vol. 45, no. 6, 1992, pp. 14-15. (Thanks to Betty Loehrer for bringing this to our attention.) REACH FOR THE SUN "Viagra makes flowers stand up straight," Judy Siegel-Itzkovich, British Medical Journal, vol. 319, no. 7205, July 31, 1999, p. 274A. (Thanks to Len Finegold for bringing this to our attention.) The author reports that: 1 mg of the drug (compared with 50 mg in one pill taken by impotent men) in a solution was enough to prevent two vases of cut flowers from wilting for as much as a week longer than might be expected. ------------------------------------------------------------ 1999-07-20 AIRhead Events ==> Want to host an event? Call or E-mail 617-491-4437. ALTERNATIVELY, please call W.H. Freeman Publishers, publisher of the book "Best of AIR," at 212-576-9423 ==> For updates of this schedule, see http://www.improbable.com 9TH FIRST ANNUAL IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY THURS, SEPT 30 Sanders Theater, Harvard University. Tickets will go on sale August 6 August at the Harvard Box Office at Holyoke Center 617- 496-2222. ANNUAL IG LECTURES SAT, OCT 2 Kresge Little Theater, MIT, in the afternoon. NEW ENGLAND SKEPTICAL SOCIETY SAT, OCT 16 Details TBA. INFO: Jon Blumenfeld AMERICAN VACUUM SOCIETY 46th INT'L SYMPOSIUM, SEATTLE OCT 25-29 At the Washington State Convention Center. AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS and co-conspirators will be the plenary speakers. Session details TBA. Info: Pat Looney (301) 975-4806 UNIV OF WATERLOO, ONTARIO TUES, DEC 7 2:30 pm. Details TBA. INFO: Dan Berry CHEMICAL INSTITUTE OF CANADA, TORONTO SECTION WED, DEC. 8 8:30 pm. Univ. of Toronto, Erindale Campus. 3359 Mississauga Rd. AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS will present an underview of improbable research. Includes the classic slide show "PROFESSOR LIPSCOMB Goes Shopping." INFO: Jack Clark AAAS ANNUAL MEETING, WASHINGTON DC Mid-Feb, 2000 AIR authors will present their traditionally improbable session at the American Association for the Advancement of Science's annual meeting. Featuring, admong others, AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS, "A Briefer History of Time" author ERIC SCHULMAN, and the more-or- less ORIGINAL CAST of one fo the Ig Nobel mini-operas starring mezzo-soprano MARGOT BUTTON and various Nobel laureates. Further details TBA. -------------------------------------------------------------- 1999-07-21 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) Here's how to subscribe to the magnificent bi-monthly print journal The Annals of Improbable Research -- (the real thing, not just the little bits of overflow material you have been reading here in mini-AIR) ............................................................... Name: Address: Address: City and State: Zip or postal code: Country Phone: FAX: E-mail: ............................................................... USA 1 year/$23 2 years/$39 Canada/Mexico 1 year/$27 US 2 years/$45 US Overseas 1 year/$40 US 2 years/$70 US [Copies of back issues are each $8 in the USA, $11 in Canada/Mexico, $16 overseas.] ............................................................... Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or Visa, Mastercard or Discover info) to: The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 air@improbable.com ----------------------------------------------------- 1999-07-22 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) What you are reading right now is mini-AIR. It is NOT a tiny version of AIR -- rather, it is a tiny supplement to the magazine. To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to: LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU The body of your message should contain ONLY the words SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE (You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.) ---------------------------- To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR ----------------------------------------------------- 1999-07-23 Our Address (*) Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 EDITORIAL: marca@chem2.harvard.edu SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improbable.com WEB SITE: http://www.improbable.com/ --------------------------- 1999-07-24 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever appropriate. The only limitations are: A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR. B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes. ------------------------------------------------------------ (c) copyright 1999, Annals of Improbable Research ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------- mini-AIRheads ------------- EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@chem2.harvard.edu) MINI-PROOFREADER AND PICKER OF NITS (before we introduce the last few at the last moment): Wendy Mattson WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin (ringo@best.com) COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu) ASSOCIATIVE EDITOR: Mark Dionne CO-CONSPIRATORS: Gary Dryfoos, Ernest Ersatz, Craig Haggart, Nicki Rohloff MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon Glashow, William Lipscomb, Richard Roberts ============================================================