Date: Wed, 25 Jun 1997 19:42:45 -0500
From: Kevlar <kevlar@ns.net>
To: Linus Sphinx <linus@substance.com>
Subject: I want to believe!

ROSWELL, N.M. (AP) -- Today, the United States Air Force issued a
long-awaited report about the "Roswell Incident" in which some people
claim that software from Microsoft functioned correctly in Roswell, New
Mexico in 1947. As expected, the government's 261-page report denied
that there had ever been any evidence that this had ever happened,
despite eyewitness reports to the contrary. The report claims that what
witnesses actually saw was an experimental Macintosh running a variation
of Unix, or perhaps an experimental Unix machine using a form of the
MacOS. 

Although the official Air Force position is that this is their final
report on the matter, long-time Microsoft devotees are not satisfied.
"We know it really happened," said Gil Bates, spokesman for a group of
Microsoft enthusiasts who call themselves "The .exe-files". The group's
claim of having seen Windows run without crashing is tainted by the
revelation earlier this year that some members had falsified evidence by
doctoring output from standard Unix utilities and passing it off as
authentic Windows data files.