Next Season at the Metropolitan Opera

Announcing next season's newest very light opera:

"LA BUBBA VITA"

The Met is scheduled to produce an opera on Bill Clinton next year.
Composed by Giuliani Veritas (in Italian), it was commissioned by Jesse
Helms in conjunction with the National Endowment for the Arts.

Act I.

The Situation:  Bill Clinton has been elected President of the United
States by an overwhelming margin.  The Republicans are devastated, angry
and are trying to find their way back to power.

As the curtain rises on the opera, the House Republicans are meeting
with Ken Starr with the object of trying to find a way to remove Bill
Clinton from the Presidency.

The opening chorale "We Must Find a Way" (Creato grandissimo floozi
scandala) is sung as a sextet.  In an impressive recitative, Tom DeLay
sings "Where Will We Find a Helper?" (Dredgi uppulia una Granda Bimba).
The House Republicans exit.  Paula Jones enters stage right with a
mirror, singing her plaintive "Why Can't I find a Man?" (Mia schnozola
es humongo).

Tom DeLay and Newt Gingrich enter from the other wing.  They spot Paula
and sing the duet "Why Not Her?" (La flooza perfecta).  They meet and
take Paula to a small cafe where they hatch their plot in hushed tones.
Paula tells them of her meeting in a hotel with Clinton years earlier
and how her fortunes have collapsed since then.  DeLay and Gingrich
offer to help.  They sing the aria, "Your Luck has Changed" (Nozjobbo e'
rewardo).

Act II.

The House Republicans reconvene with the news of Paula's revelations.
They sing in jubilation "We must Tell the World" (Fono tabloido).  The
rear curtain raises to reveal the Chorus of Media who sing the chorale,
"Tell Us More, But Only the Truth" (Sexio scandala hypo sweepi).
Gingrich enters with Pat Robertson.  They sing the duet "He Must Go"
(Hypocriti pious crappola).  Robertson offers to make time on his
television program to expose the charges.

At the House Republicans' suggestion, Paula initiates a lawsuit.  The
Paula Jones scandal becomes the topic of conversation throughout the
country.

The Chorus of Lawyers enters from the right to sing the jubilant grand
chorale "We Must do Our Duty" (Multi, multi grande moola).  Ken Starr
meets with the House Republicans to plan the next steps.  They sing the
aria "We Will Save the Country" (Sleezi connivo, la media soccittuppo).
Starr promises to convene a grand jury which will send charges to the
Congress.  He sings "The Truth Will be Known" (Whitewater non starto, il
probo la flooza epidemio).

The Chorus of Lawyers sings a reprise of "We Must Do Our Duty" as the
act ends.

Act III.

Linda Tripp enters the stage arm in arm with Ken Starr.  She is wearing
a headset.  She is singing "Monica is My Dearest Friend" (Io sono la
wiccida witchi occidenta).  She tells Starr about the secret tapes that
she has made of conversations with Monica Lewinsky.  Starr takes them
from her and sings "We've Got Him Now" (Presidente droppo pantaloni).
Starr hurries off to the Grand Jury to call Monica as a witness.

In Scene 2, Monica enters the grand jury room where the Chorus of
lawyers asks her questions.  They sing the recitative "How Did It
Happen?" (Panti hongo, la flashi).  Monica sings the long passionate
aria "We Were Meant for Each Other" (Nonsmoko El Pruducto, Phalli
symboglio).

In the third scene, Hilary and Bill are sitting in the Lincoln Bedroom
talking about the revelations about Monica.  Hillary sings "I Will Stand
By You" (Tu jercho estupido, io removo tu equippamento).  Bill replies
with "She Was the Only One" (Non conto Gennifer, Paula, piu multi bimba
forgetta).

They embrace.

Act 4.

Sam Donaldson is interviewing Henry Hyde in the Capitol Building.  The
chorus of Lawyers hums in the background.  Hyde sings the aria "We
Believe in Something" (Impeaccho hippi bastardo).  Donaldson sings a
recitative in answer, "We Only Want the Truth" (Toupee eslippo).  The
great trial begins in the Senate.  Trent Lott reacts to public opinion
polls showing that the President has a 76% approval rating with the
public with the poignant aria, "What is Right is Not Popular" (Partia
Repubblico Commitini Suicido).  The Chorus of Lawyers sings the chorale
"Principles Come First" (Mi adultero non conto).  With great flourish,
Henry Hyde, Bill McCullom and Tom DeLay stand before the Senate to
present their case.  They sing the somber trio "How Can you Not
Convict?" (Evidenso multi flimsioso).  Finally, in a moving chorale, the
Chorus of Lawyers sings "For the Good of the Nation, We Must Acquit"
(Senatorios non stupido).

After the vote is announced, Henry Hyde, Tom DeLay, Trent Lott and Bill
McCollum leave the Senate Chamber singing the grand quartet "We Still
Know the Truth" (Wasto multi millioni) as the act ends.

Epilogue.

The President sings the contrite aria "I am Very Sorry" (Revengo futuro
furioso) as the Chorus of Media circles him, shouting their questions.
They sing "Who will now Believe us?" (Publicca desgustanta es in media).
Monica Lewinsky crosses the stage with her new literary agent, Ken
Starr.  They sing "It is Still Not Over" (Publishi grande bucchi,
dollare millioni), as the curtain falls.