From pcgfx!terry.preston@netcom.com Sat Apr 6 11:31:21 1996 Return-Path: pcgfx!terry.preston@netcom.com Received: from netcomsv.netcom.com (uucp6.netcom.com [163.179.3.6]) by hugin.imat.com (8.7.4/8.7.3) with SMTP id LAA05994 for ; Sat, 6 Apr 1996 11:31:21 -0800 Received: from pcgfx.UUCP by netcomsv.netcom.com with UUCP (8.6.12/SMI-4.1) id LAA19731; Sat, 6 Apr 1996 11:25:12 -0800 Received: by pcgfx (PCB-UUCP 1.1f) id E77F3E; Sat, 6 Apr 96 11:05:24 -0800 To: rick@hugin.imat.com (Rick Moen) Subject: HelpLine From: terry.preston@pcgfx.com (Terry Preston) Message-ID: Date: Sat, 6 Apr 96 09:44:00 -0800 Organization: The PC GFX Exchange * San Francisco, CA * 415-337-5416 Status: RO WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BUY COMPUTERS? General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers, but imagine if they did.... --------------------------------------------------------------- HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" Customer: "I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!" HelpLine: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?" Customer: "What's an ignition?" HelpLine: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine." Customer: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all these technical terms just to use my car?" --------------------------------------------------------------- HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" Customer: "My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anywhere!" HelpLine: "Is the gas tank empty?" Customer: "Huh? How do I know?" HelpLine: "There's a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?" Customer: "It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?" HelpLine: "It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the vendor to install it for you." Customer: "What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!" --------------------------------------------------------------- HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" Customer: "Your cars suck!" HelpLine: "What's wrong?" Customer: "It crashed, that's what wrong!" HelpLine: "What were you doing?" Customer: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while and then it crashed and it won't start now! HelpLine: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it?" Customer: "I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn't crash any more!" --------------------------------------------------------------- HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" Customer: "Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks." HelpLine: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?" Customer: "How do I work it?" HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?" Customer: "Do I know how to what?" HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?" Customer: "I'm not a technical person. I just want to go places in my car!" --- * SPEED 1.40 #1895 * "Would you please tell me whose brain I DID put in?"