Subject: The Editing Carol (long version)
From: [email-masked] (Laura J. Underwood)
Newsgroups: sff.people.keltora

I reworked the Editing Carol a bit...

A writer's mind on pecan pie is a terrible thing to waste...

The Editing Carol

Make all passive writing active.
Falalalalalalalala...
Or the book won't be attractive.
Falalalalalalalala...
"Seemed" must go. It's vague and flighty.
Falalalalalalalala...
Active verbs are much more tidy.
Falalalalalalalala...

Characters must not be cardboard
Falalalalalalalala...
Otherwise the reader gets bored
Falalalalalalalala...
Flesh and blood and skin and bones
Falalalalalalalala...
Make them real or folks will moan
Falalalalalalalala...

Plotting must be thick as honey
Falalalalalalalala...
Or you'll never get the money
Falalalalalalalala...
Twists and turns must fool the reader
Falalalalalalalala...
Writers must be a good leader
Falalalalalalalala...

Set your story in a real world
Falalalalalalalala...
Even if it's not THE real world
Falalalalalalalala...
Make the reader think it's swell
Falalalalalalalala...
Throw in touch and taste and smell
Falalalalalalalala...

Dialogue should not be wasteful
Falalalalalalalala...
Using "said" is nice and tasteful
Falalalalalalalala...
Let the words convey the meaning
Falalalalalalalala...
Never say the character's screaming
Falalalalalalalala...

If these rule you do obey
Falalalalalalalala...
Your book will be on its way
Falalalalalalalala...
Give the world a real good novel
Falalalalalalalala...
If you want the fans to grovel.
Falalalalalalalala...

Thank you, thank you very much...now pass me another piece of that there
pecan pie...

Laura J. Underwood