Date: Mon, 1 May 2000 15:05:58 -0500 
From: Sally_Hutchinson@Dell.com
To: grrltalk@linuxchix.org
Subject: [grrltalk] If Linux distributions were Airlines

Yes it's spammish, but at least it's funny spam :)  -Sally


Red Hat Airlines:

The standard in air travel. Most people have flown Red Hat Air at one
point or other. Some people like it and some people hate it and move on to
one of the other airlines. Passengers are all treated the same; they get
stuck in their seats and told not to ask questions -- everything will be
taken care of for them. They should just sit back, relax, and not touch of
the fancy controls under any circumstances, lest they send the plane into
a tailspin.  Red Hat Airlines is fabulously rich.

Mandrake Airlines:

Mandrake bought a truckload of planes from Red Hat, put new engines in
them, re-painted them, and now run their own airline. Considered by many
to be the most friendly airline for first-time flyers.

Corel Airlines:

A new player on the scene, Corel Air thinks it can be the airline of
choice for a new generation of first-time pleasure flyers, and maybe even
lure in some business travelers too. Their planes are big, brightly
painted, and like Red Hat's they protect the innocent, clueless passengers
from the dangerous buttons, switches and blinkenlights of the cockpit.

SuSE Airlines:

An airline out of Europe that tries to be everything for everyone and
succeeds -- to a degree. Recently paid a huge sum of money to use a comic
strip in its promotional material. (And after they finally named the
lizard...)

Caldera OpenAirlines:

These guys go out of their way to make things comfortable for the business
user. They've got a pretty terminal, pretty planes, really good in-flight
movies, etc. But I had a bad experience with these guys once. They lost my
luggage. Quite a mess, really. Ah well, such is life. I never flew with
them again.

SlackAIR:

From a distance, their planes look just like everyone elses. But up close
you can tell that they haven't been painted and little bits of wire stick
out here and there. But onboard, the seats are comfortable enough and
there are plenty of stewardesses available to help you readjust your seat
if you manage to break it. There is no in-flight movie but if you get
bored you are always welcome up in the cockpit. The pilots will be glad to
let you try and fly the plane and are happy to let you push whatever
buttons you want, even if you don't know what you're doing.  Generally,
novice flyers avoid SlackAIR as they've heard horror stories about newbies
pressing the wrong button and causing the plane to explode.

Debian Airlines:

They have a single type of airplane; a huge sucker weighing 2400 tons and
carrying just about everything you can imagine. They've got kitchen sinks,
massage parlors, a paintball arena, and 294 types of cheese for sale in
the onboard, 24-hour supermarket. You can see from the terminal they have
a huge team of technicians working on their fleet, poking and prodding.
Debian Air is the only choice for some: everything onboard is built 100%
by union workers -- no shoddy, possibly dangerous, imports here.

For completeness, let's throw in some BSD...

NetAIR:

Pretty standard fare, with one primary selling point: they'll fly
anywhere. There isn't anywhere they won't go.  War zones, political
hotbeds, Canada -- all fair game. Of course, they keep their planes in
good condition and up to date.

FreeAIR:

Probably the most popular of the alternative airlines, FreeAIR is a
favorite of business travelers and, well, pretty much everyone. They offer
the same services as everyone else and have the same devoted following as
the other airlines. Purportedly a good choice for first time BSD flyers.

OpenAIR:

SecureAIR really would be more appropriate. They've got armed guards at
every door, armed guards on the plane -- even a fighter escort. Passengers
are treated pretty respectably as long as they are willing to go through
the security checkpoints.


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