San Francisco Bay Area Math Test!!!

(Author unknown)

1. Zelda and Jane were given a rottweiler at their commitment ceremony.
If their dog needs to be walked two miles a day and they walk at a rate
of 3/4 mile per hour, how much time will they spend discussing their
relationship in public? 

2. Michael lives in Los Altos Hills and has two abusive stepfathers and
an alcoholic mother. If his self-esteem is reduced by 20% per
dysfunctional parent, but Michael feels 3% better for every person he
denigrates, how long will it take before he's ready to go home if one
person walks by the window of the sushi bar every three minutes?

3. Sanjeev has 7 piercings. If the likelihood of getting cellulitis on a
given day is 10% per piercing, what is the likelihood that Sanjeev will
need to hitchhike to Berkeley during the next week to renew his
erythromycin prescription?

4. Chad wants to take half a pound of pot to Orinda and sell it at a 20%
profit. If it originally cost him $1,500 in food stamps, how much should
Nicole write the check for? 

5. The City and County of San Francisco decide to destroy 50 rats
infesting downtown. If 9,800 animal rights activists hold a candlelight
vigil, how many people did each dead rat empower?  

6. A red sock, a yellow sock, a blue sock, and a white sock are tossed
randomly in a drawer. What is the likelihood that the first two socks
drawn will be socks of color? 

7. George weighs 245 pounds and drinks two triple lattes every morning
while working on his laptop. If each shot of espresso contains 490mg of
caffeine, what is George's average caffeine density in mg/pound? 

8. There are 4500 homes in Mill Valley and all of them recycle plastic.
If each household recycles 10 soda bottles a day and buys one polar
fleece pullover per month, does Mill Valley have a monthly plastic
surplus or deficit? (Bonus question: Assuming all the plastic bottles
are 1 liter size, how much Evian are they drinking?) 

9. If the average person can eat one pork pot sticker in 30 seconds, and
the waitress brings a platter of 12 pot stickers, how long will it take
five vegans to not eat them? 

10. Todd begins walking down Market Street with 12 $1 bills in his
wallet. If he always gives panhandlers a single buck, how many legs did
he have to step over if he has $3 left when he reaches the other end and
met only one double-amputee?      

Advanced Placement Students Only: 

11. Katie, Trip, Ling, John-John and Effie share a three-bedroom
apartment on Guerrero for $2400 a month. Effie and Trip can share one
bedroom, but the other three need their own rooms with separate DSL
lines to run their web servers. None of them wants to use the futon in
the living room as a bed, and they each want to save $650 in three
months to attend Burning Man. What is their best option:  

a. All five roommates accept a $12/hour job-share as handgun monitors at
Mission High.

b. Ask Miles, the bisexual auto mechanic, to share Effie and Trip's
bedroom for $500/month. 

c. Petition the Board of Supervisors to advance Ling her annual
digital-artists-of-color stipend. 

d. Rent strike.