- In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: "Teeth extracted by latest Methodists." - A translated sentence from a Russian chess book: "A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played." - In a Rome laundry: "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time." - In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: "Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages." - Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: "Would you like to ride on your own ass?" - On the faucet in a Finnish washroom: "To stop the drip, turn cock to right." - In the window of a Swedish furrier: "Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin." - On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: "Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life." - Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: "Stop: Drive Sideways." - In a Swiss mountain inn: "Special today - no ice cream." - In a Bangkok temple: "It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man." - In a Tokyo bar: "Special cocktails for ladies with nutes." - In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: "We take your bags and send them in all directions." - On the door of a Moscow hotel room: "If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it." - In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: "Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar." - At a Budapest zoo: "Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty." - In the office of a Roman doctor: "Specialist in women and other diseases." - In an Acapulco hotel: "The manager has personally passed all the water served here." - In a Tokyo shop: "Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run." - From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: "Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself." - From the brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: "When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor." All this global gabble is best summarized by two signs in a Majorcan shop entrance: "English well talking" and "Here speeching American."