Subject: All I got is this empty coffee mug
From: [email-masked] (Florian M. Weps)
Date: 21 Nov 2002 22:57:01 +0100
Newsgroups: alt.sysadmin.recovery

The voices outside my head      The voices in my head

me      Good morning. 'morning. hi       I'll get some coffee, and then -
 
handset clipped to belt   (vibrates)     Yes, I'm coming already

me      Unix operating and supp-         What is it this time?

luser   Yes, my ayss-ayss-aytch client   "Oh please no, I'm running out of
        software is broken!               spare clients and they don't
                                          make them any more!!!"

me      Uh, how - why - what is wrong,   He fogot his password again.
        can't you log in?                 

luser   Login works, but when I type     *two* letters, how can he mistype
        el-ayss it says not found -      just two characters.

me      Whoops! What else is broken?     apart from the obvious

luser   - and the prompt is all wrong,
        all I get is a dollar            and that is still overpaid
        (types)
        Actually, el-ayss is working     I'm just that good, you know.
        again now.

me      Are you sure you are logged      Last time he tried to log into
        into the correct machine?        a nonexistant machine.

luser   Yes, and it's strange,           All *I* get is this lousy
        something very strange is        coffee mug with the company
        happening, all I get is a        logo.
        dollar.

me      Did you change your dotprofile?  "No. It was working yesterday"

luser   No.                              Yes, you did.

me      Can you have a look at your      And we'll prove it now.
        dotprofile for me?               "Exhibit A is -"

luser   Maybe, tell me that's where?     "- this magnificent crack pipe"
        In my home folder?               C'mon, you *know* where.

me      Please type el-ess minus ay      He'll leave out the space
        and read the output to me.       before the option

luser   (types, clicks, mumbles)         I bet he deleted his profile
        Let's see, it says here

	DOT PROFILE DOT GEE-ZETT

me      - !                              but, but, but, but, but, but

luser   What should I do now?            how did he manage to do that

me      Please type gun-zip in one       Broadcast Message from
        word followed by dotprofile,     frontal-lobe@localbrain
        and log in again.                (somewhere) at 10:19 ...

luser   Huh?                             Low caffeine, system will
                                         go down...

Florian

-- 
Once upon the Python spoke, / Now he lacks interpreters,
Withering in his laurelled fires / All the bitter rock interns,
From within those jewelled eyes / Tells you only what you know,
Know, but dare not realise.                -- Lawrence Durrell, "Delphi" (1965)