[conspire] Best of Atherton police blotter

[Rick Moen]

What is considered worthy of police response in the ultra-rich town of
Atherton, just a bit north of us, seldom fails to amuse, in my family.  
(A common description of a police call would be something like 'Monday,
11am:  police respond to report of person observed walking.')
Apparently, we're not the only people who feel this way.  In 2011, _S.J.
Mercury News_ reporters published their hit-parade of Atherton
police-blotter happenings from 2010 and 2011 that probably wouldn't have
merited rushing out squad-cars anywhere else -- or just wouldn't have
happened anywhere else:



---<begin snip>---

Police assisted a man who stepped out onto a balcony and had the door
close behind him.

A resident hired a locksmith who hadn’t returned with the key.

A person sitting in a vehicle outside a residence was waiting for a
friend who lives there.

A man was reported to be sitting down and talking to himself. Police
made contact and confirmed he was using a cellphone.

A large statue was stolen.

A resident worried that a noisy hawk in a tree was in distress. When
authorities arrived, the hawk was quiet and enjoying dinner.

Four or five juveniles were reported to be running around at Selby Lane
School and involved in “horseplay” on a summer afternoon.

A resident asked for help finding a lost cat.

A woman whose finger got stuck in a drain was reported to be conscious
and breathing.

A pedestrian was reported after midnight wearing black pants and a white
dress shirt.

A woman told police someone rang her doorbell but when she called out to
ask who it was, no one answered. Police responded and determined the
visitor had delivered a package.

A resident called police to report that someone had tipped over his
recycling containers.

A man was reported to be lying on the ground, possibly writing.

A person reported a man tried to hide his face, then turned and walked
away.

Police responding to reports of a suspicious person hollering “ho-ho-ho”
on Christmas Eve encountered a man in a Santa costume who makes a habit
of going up and down the street greeting his neighbors every year.

Police assisted an Atherton man in a San Francisco bar who forgot where
he was and called 9-1-1.

A person seen walking at midday for two days in a row was contacted and
determined to be using lunch breaks to get some exercise.

Fruit has been disappearing from a tree.

Loud birds were reported. Police responded and settled the situation.

A resident reported two people came to the door seeking someone who
spoke French.

A banana, chocolate, and whipping cream were found on a vehicle.

A male truck driver wearing gloves reportedly made a U-turn and then
stared at a person.

A family reported being followed by a duck who resides on Tuscaloosa
Avenue.


And an all-time favorite, from 2002:

A resident reported a large light in the sky. It was the moon.

---<end snip>---


Clearly a happenin' place, Atherton.